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欲望城市(性爰专家凯莉布雷萧并且勇于发问)“城市呛小子hearts;hearts;有人说在纽约居住十年的人就可以称为纽约客They saythat if youve livedin NewYork forten years,不过有经验的人一眼就可以看出谁是土生土长的纽约人you canofficially call yourself aNew Yorker.我全部都要现在就要But thetrained eyecan alwaysspot the ones whowere bornhere.我要你帮我办好I wantit all,I wantit now,在解聘了最后两个公关之后and I want you to get it forme.hearts;hearts;餐厅老板女儿珍妮布莱尔After firingher lasttwo publicists,决定指定莎曼珊替她即将举办的派对做公关Jenny Brier,the daughterof awealthy NewYork restaurateur,我要〃hearts;hearts;浮华世界”杂志的卡森达利had decidedthat Samanthawould betaking overthe PRfor herupcoming party.“人物杂志超级男孩hearts;hearts;MTVI wantVanity Fair,Carson Dal,hearts;hearts/亲爱的珍妮People,Teen People,In StyleJN Sync...请不要误会你今年几岁?Jenny,sweetie,这是我十三岁成人仪式派对dont takethis thewrong way,but,how oldare you你十三岁?Hello,its mybat mitzvah party,Im13!你呢?四十五?You*re13years old此次会谈就这样结束了Duh.What are you,like,45抱歉我不办小孩子的派对And just like that,the meetingwas officiallyover.亲爰的我爸爸邀请了Im sorry,I dontdo kids*parties.有头有脸的朋友人数超过三百Sweetie,my fatherhas invitedover300of hismost powerfulfriends tothis event.How doyou have all this我去拿啤酒然后来谈谈房地产的风险Why dontI goget ussome beers,hearts;hearts;hearts;一个温和的强力小子怎么有能力then we can talkadventures in real estate.在上东区买下How wasit possiblethat mild-mannered Power Lad可以眺望公园的六星级公寓hearts;hearts;could afforda classicsix on the uppereast sidehearts;hearts;难道他白天是强力小子with a terrace and a viewof thepark晚上是亿万花花公子Was hemerely Power Lad bydyhearts;hearts;hearts;hearts;你好and secretlya millionaireplayboy bynight你吓到我了Hello-Whoa!我听到外面有声音Oh,you scaredme!你起来了I justheard voicesoutside,and I...我们吵醒你吗?■Youre up.-Oh!你知道我总是保持警觉Did wewake you你见过凯莉了吗?Oh,no,no,you knowme,always keepingthe watch.凯莉这位是我妈妈Uh,did youmeet Carrie你好Carrie,Id like you to meet mymother.很棒的夜晚Hello.没错Its abeautiful night,isnt it我要去睡觉了Yeah.Well,Tm offto bed.你们两个好好玩不过不要太晚睡You twohave fun.•晚安•晚安•Dont stayup toolate,dear.-No.很高兴认识你凯莉-Goodnight.-Night.我也是亚当太太Its lovely to meet you,Carrie.他跟父母同住?Oh,lovelytomeetyou,too...Mrs.Adams.那是他父母的公寓He liveswith his parentshearts;hearts;隔天在布莱尔爸爸新开的餐厅“圣餐〃Its theirapartment.我向莎曼珊询问我跟强力小子的愿景The nextday atCommune,daddy Brierslatest restaurant,一点都不迷人亲爱的I askedSamantha aboutmy prospectswith Power Lad.马上甩了他用我的电话Not sexy,honey.hearts;hearts;他把钱都投资到漫画店了Dump him,immediately.Here,use mycell phone.还是很不迷人电话是多少But itsonly becausehe putall hismoney in the comicbook store...hearts;hearts;他正在存钱买房子So notsexy,whats hisnumberhearts;hearts;hearts;hearts;hearts;你也知道生意不好做...because hessaving upfor his own place.况r且他很有趣C mon,you knowhow toughthe marketis rightnow.在你还吸引人之f前赶快结束Plus which,he sfun andfunny.你是说你绝不可能跟一个Honey,stop whileyoure stillsexy.与家人同住的人约会?So are you sayingtheres noway youdgo outwith a guywho livedwith hisfamily如果是威廉王子就可以抱歉我迟到了Well,maybe PrinceWilliam.这就是舌头前推患者的下场Im sorryIm late.我得戴一年This iswhat happensto tongue-thrusters.我很丑吗?I have to wearthem fora year.才不会Am Ihideous一点都不丑No.Hey,no!你说真的?No,they dontlook sobad.我烦心于自己的事Really Youmean it会痛吗?我光看就觉得痛Thats mystory and Im stickingto it.我三十四岁还带牙套Are youin painIm inpain justlooking atyou.而且不能喝酒Im a34-year-old womanwith braces痛还不算什么and Im on aliquid diet.看午餐Pain doesntbegin tocover it.我们没有点香槟Oh,look,lunch!是珍妮布莱尔的心意We didntorder champagne.你总是得到最棒的心意Compliments ofJenny Brier.居然是一个十三岁的女孩Oh,you alwaysget thenicest compliments.送我们一瓶两百块的唐培里侬Do yourealize a13-year-old girl我十三岁时什么都买不起just boughtus a$200bottle ofDom Perignonhearts;hearts;You know what I was buyingwhen I was13我什么都买不起hearts;hearts;我在乳制品店打工Nothing,I couldnt afford anything.她在哪里?那个要举行成年礼的小兽在哪里?I wasserving dillybars atDairy Queen.hearts;hearts;女士们一切都还好吗?Where isshe Wheresthat littlebrat mitzvahbeast很好我不知道你在这里So,ladies,is everythingfabulous我不知道你认识凯莉布雷萧It isnow,I didnt know you were here.你真是该死的棒And I didnt knowyou knewCarrie Bradshaw.你专栏提到的秘密性覆You arefucking fabulous.hearts hearts;这根本就是我的生活Your columnabout secretsex;当我跟前男友相处时他想要的只有性Hello mylife!Seriously.但是在学校里他根本无视我的存在My exwas socompletely aboutthe sexwhen we were alone,他们都是一个样but atschool,in thehallway I didnt exist.或许更糟男人烂死了And they*re alllike that.什么?Or worse,men suck.抱歉你的牙套是蓝色的吗?What是宝蓝色Im sorry,are your braces blue我的天你看No,theyre sapphire.你的那一种很过时Oh,my God,look,you havethe old-fashioned kind.我都不知道现在还在生产这一款我会到的我们得走了I didnteven knowthey madethose anymore.各位好好享用I saidFil bethere.We have to dash.你真是该死的棒Enjoy yourmeal,ladies.她的牙套是宝蓝色You areso fuckingfabulous.我是三十四岁的笨蛋Her bracesare sapphire.他们几岁了?Im a34-year-old nerd.十三How oldare they他们说话的方式…-我知道Thirteen.•他们的穿着…•我知道就跟我们一样-But theysound...-I know.是珍妮布莱尔跟她的朋友-And theyredressed...-I know,justlikeus.打扮得像三十几岁Were Jenny Brier andher friends还是我们试着扮成青少年?dressed likethirty-something year-old women我们之中有人收到唐培里侬Or werewe trying to looklike teenagers另一个却骑着滑板车乱逛One ofus wassending overDom Perignon,当你是青少年时你最想做的事就是买啤酒while anotherwas toolingaround NewYork on a scooter.hearts;hearts;一旦步入三十你只想要扮可爱When yourea teenager,all youwant to do isbuy beer.我想知道在今日这种崇尚年轻的文化中But onceyou hit30,allyouwant to do isget carded.我这一代的女人I wondered,in todaysyouth-obsessed culture,是越来越成熟负责are thewomen ofmy generationgrowinginto mature,responsible adults还是三十四岁活回十三岁?在闭关了一个星期后Or arewe34going on13米兰达终于肯与资深编辑蓝斯布伦出外用餐After aweek ofself-imposed seclusion,Miranda finallyfelt strongenough forsolid foodand tableservice我原先想当个作家with LanceBloom,a senioreditor atKnopf.不过那是很孤单的I startedout wantingto be a writer,我比较喜欢共同合作but itssuch asolitary life.你现在在做什么?Im muchmore interestedin collaboratingwith someone.你的牙齿有一点…What areyou workingon now我刚装上去的还不是很习惯Uh...you havea little...我的天I justgot these.I guesstheyre gonnatake somegetting usedto.戴着那个接吻是什么感觉?Oh,my God.r医生说应该没问题So,what sit liketo kisssomebody withthose things不过口交就是个问题了The doctorsaid itshould befine.hearts;hearts;我是开玩笑的But ablow jobsout of the question,right这是个玩笑抱歉Oh,I waskidding.他不希望你的“硬体〃太接近他的“软体”That was a joke,Im sorry.不只是他大家都不想He justdidnt want your hardwaregetting tooclose tohis software.我一张开嘴巴全世界都把我当怪物Its not just him,its everybody.我好像回到中学时代I cantopen mymouth withoutthe wholeworld looking at melike Im a freak.Its like Im suddenlyback injunior high.相信我我这次能全身而退算幸运了你应该把牙套想成嘴里的珠宝And,believe me,I waslucky to get outalive the first time.我再也不要约会了Maybe youshould thinkof itas mouthjewelry.You know,tooth bracelets.当然要听着Im neverdating again.值得交往的男生不会在乎你戴牙套Oh,of courseyou are,and,listen,他只会在乎你的人if theguys worthdating hesnot gonnacare aboutyourbraces,这样好像在演课后辅导短片hes gonnacare aboutyou.hearts;hearts;1在短片里你会看到他在餐厅那一头That wasso after-school specialof you.他会对着你微笑而且也戴着牙套No,in the after-school special,youd seehim acrossthe cafeteria,不过就算是现在hed smile,and hedhave braces,too.我也不会跟有牙套的男生约会Yeah,but the sick thingis,真的吗?I would never dateaguywith braces,even now.这样不是有点幼稚吗?Come on,areyoukidding me凯莉还要柠檬汁吗?Dont youthink thatsa littlechildish;好的亚当太太More lemonadeCarrie要不要好吃的手工饼干?Yes,please,Mrs.Adams.好的亚当太太And how about somenice homemadeToll Housecookies仔细想想Yes,please,Mrs.Adams!跟父母同住似乎还不错On closerinspection,it turnedout thisliving-with-the-parents thingwasnt sobad.就像拥有免费的佣人凯莉要不要留下来吃晚餐?It waslike havingservants youdidnt haveto pay.跟在那活儿上安装水力圆柱比较起来Oh,and Carrie,can youstay fordinner崔决定采取比较不折磨肉体的方法Faced with the ideaof havinghydraulic cylindersplaced inhis shaft,他通过大学同学介绍Trey decidedto pursuethe lessphysically demandingoption婚姻咨询治疗师of couplescounseling with a therapisthed foundhearts;hearts;我觉得两位在描述性方面的问题时有些困难through hiscollege alumniassociation.对某些患者而言I senseyoure bothhaving difficultyverbalizing yoursexual issues.创造一些婉转的新词汇来谈性With someclients,会很有帮助Ive foundit oftenhelps tocreate yourown non-threatening language■我不太懂你的意思■比如说with whichto talkabout sex.一位患者异想天开地将他的肛门称做“巧克力海星〃-Im notsure that I understand.-Well,for example,hearts;你真的是耶鲁大学毕业的吗?hearts;one clientrather whimsicallydubbed his anus,the chocolatestarfish.夏洛特如果你可以替你的阴道取个名字Are youquite sureyou wentto Yale一个比较婉转hearts;hearts;并且对你们两个不具有威胁性的名字Charlotte,if youcould renameyour vagina你会叫它什么?something completelynon-sexual,something thatdidnt feelthreatening to yourself orTrey,“蕾贝佳”蕾贝佳?你为什么要取这个名字?what wouldyou callit因为很好听我一直很喜欢这个名字Rebecca.Rebecca Whyon earthwouldyou...换你取了Cause itsounds nice,and Ivealways likedthe name.这简直荒谬至极Now,you nameyours.取正面积极一点的崔喜欢航海对Oh,this ispreposterous.不对?hearts;hearts;Something withpositive associations.没错我喜欢航海Well,Trey lovesto sail.Dont you,Trey那就叫〃独木舟”好了Yeah,thats true,I dolove tosail.独木舟?So howbout somethinglike canoe1独木舟跟蕾贝佳不搭Canoe7那要取什么?Canoe doesntgo withRebecca.那么…Well,what then帆船怎么样?Uh,well,howabout,um...帆船很好Schooner蕾贝佳和帆船很搭对不对?Schooners good!很好很好Rebecca andSchooner.Schooners good,isnt it这是一个好的开始Thats verygood,its verygood.还有很多功课要做This isa wonderfulbeginning.一些在这里做一些回家做今晚的功课是…Theres stilla lotof workahead,some hereand someat home.你们两个并肩躺下不要触碰对方So,tonight,as homework,然后分享性幻想Iwantyou tolie downtogether,side byside,without touching,我是森林里的妖精公主and sharea sexualfantasy.骑在独角兽上Im a fairy princessin aforest.突然间我看见你穿着鹿皮的海盗是王子假扮的And Imriding ona unicorn,when suddenlyI seeyou,apirate inbuckskins.然后你把我从独角兽上拉下来A princein disguise.把我单薄的衬裙撕破将你的帆船直挺挺地插入我的蕾贝佳And thatswhen youpull meoff myunicorn,you tearaway mygossamer petticoats,and youput yourSchooner deepinside myRebecca.换你了你在哪里?Now,you.我在地狱Where areyou抱歉夏洛特我办不到Im inhell.我是有名望的外科医生我办不到Ugh,Im sorry,Charlotte,I cantdo this.我知道你可以的Im arespected surgeon,I cant,I cant.夏洛特我们已经努力了好几个礼拜Yes,you can,I knowyou can.请接受我没什么性欲的事实Charlotte,weve beendealing with this forweeks andweeks.hearts;hearts;但是我们深爰彼此…Just acceptthe factthat Im not thatsexual aperson,all right而且结婚了But...we loveeach other.蕾贝佳和帆船属于彼此And...were marriednow.他们需要彼此拜托Rebecca andSchooner belongtogether.你是妖精公主They needeach other,please.我配不上你抱歉You areafairyprincess.我很抱歉I dontdeserve you,Im sorry.那一晚在我的公寓维德第一次跟我过夜Im sorry.hearts;hearts;我终于知道That night,Wade andI hadour veryfirst sleepoverat my place...强力小子为什么这么强了And Ifinally figured out他十几岁的灵魂what madePower Ladso powerful.住在成熟男人的身躯里He hadthe soulof ateenage boyinthe bodyof avery grown-up man.他们都会来当然除了克林电页一家Theyre notall coming.hearts;hearts;hearts;我告诉爸爸The Clintonscant makeit,of course.总花费要是能不超过一百万就够幸运了But likeI toldDaddy,我知道什么我只是个孩子well belucky ifwe canswing thisfor undera mil.我们请不动超级男孩的But whatdo I know Imjust akid.在与新客户会面之后Well neverget N Sync.莎曼珊在一家After meetingher newclient,最热门的自助餐厅跟我们见面Samantha metCharlotte,Miranda,and me你到底要不要坐下来姐妹?for thelatest trendin Manhattanpower lunching...haute cafeteriacuisine.不好意思好像有一个可爰的男生在看我You comingin fora landing,sister在哪里?Sorry.Cute guy.I thoughthe waschecking me out fora second.不要转过去…-Where-Where他真是可爰Hey,guys,stop,dont.另外他真的在看你Hes acutie,all right.我叫你们不要转过去看他And P.S.,definitely looking.带着你的餐盘过去Looking atyou guyslookingathim,likeIasked you not to.・不要•为什么不要?-Take yourtray over there.-What拜托你们我们都是成年人了-No.-Absolutely!Why notBecausethis isntP.S.147,were adultsnow.她都已经结婚了我们要假装很懂事Shes married,for Chrissake.答录机会接你好我不在但是我1的鞋子请你留言Oh,the machine!!get it.凯莉Hi,Im nothere,but my shoes are,so leaveem amessage.我是亚当太太维德的妈妈Hi,Carrie你好吗?This isMrs.Adams,Wades mother我的天How areyou,dear抱歉打扰你了Oh,my God.维德没有告诉我们Im sosorry to bother you,他喂狗吃药了没but wenever heardfrom Wadetonight维德的爸爸要喂狗吃药about whetheror nothe fedthe doghis medicine.但要是维德已经喂过了对狗狗不好And Wadesfather was just aboutto giveit to the dog,r要是你有跟维德联络but ifhesalready hadit...well,that wouldbe bad.请转告他在他跟我联络之前我都不会睡So if you speakto Wade,好的妈妈我喂狗吃过药了please tellhim Iwont go to beduntil Ihear from...妈我没有生气只是…Yes,Mom,I gavethe doghis medicine.我叫你不要打到这里来No,mom,Im notmad,I just...不要打电话到这里找我I told younotto call me here.hearts;hearts;我也爰你Mom,dont callme here.她要跟你说话I loveyou,too.什么?She wants to talk toyou.亚当太太你好吗?What几个街区外夏洛特的夜晚也不顺利Hi,Mrs.Adams,how areyou她被浴室传来的怪声吵醒Several blockssouth,Charlottes nightwas interrupted,as well,夏洛特很内疚她不想害崔难过地哭by oddnoises comingfrom herbathroom.老公?Charlotte feltterrible.She hadntmeant tomake Treycry.他说他没什么性欲Honeyhearts;hearts;那不是性欲只是疏解压力He toldme hewasnt asexual person.hearts;hearts;帮助我入睡It wasntsexual,it wastension release.我了解It helpsme sleep.崔这可能很难以启齿I understand.不过请你告诉我Now,this maybe difficult,Trey,你看的是哪一本杂志but Iwantyouto tellme specificallyhearts;hearts;“奶子广which magazineyouwere...using.hearts;hearts好吧-Juggs.-Juggs.我们可以往光明的一面想All right.这怎么会是光明的一面?Now,I thinkwecantry andsee thisas a positive thing.How Howis thisapositivething崔对着“奶子手淫hearts;hearts;hearts;hearts;至少他不是同性恋Well,Trey wasmasturbating toJuggs.抱歉这到底有什么问题?At leastwe knowhe isn*t gay.我只是借着杂志发泄压力Excuse me,what exactlyis the problem herehearts;hearts;这跟我妻子有什么关系?It wastension releasewithamagazine.崔你的措辞很有趣It hadnothing whatsoeverto do with mywife.或许问题就在这里Interesting choiceof words,Trey.我们得想办法将你妻子Maybe thatstheproblem.融入你的性生活中We haveto finda wayto integrateyour wife我们应该怎么做?into yoursexual routine.夏洛特一点办法也没有How arewe supposedtodo that她希望他们只有十三岁Charlotte hadno idea.性还未将一切复杂化She wishedthey were13again,她需要的只是牵手亲吻before sexhad madeeverything socomplicated.为了戳破法人组织的面纱When justholding handsand a goodnight kisswould havebeen everything she needed.法院关注五个因素To piercethe corporateveil,hearts;hearts;不论辅助者是自营的还是…the courtsgenerally lookat fivefactors.米兰达心中的十三岁小女生想马上消失Whether thesubsidiary iswholly ownedor...但三十四岁的事务所合伙人The13-year-old girlinside Mirandawanted todisappear,but the34-year-oId womanwho was a partnerin thislaw firm戾定力争到底你们觉得我很可笑?decided shewasn*t goinganywhere.你们觉得戴牙套很丑?You thinkthat Imfunny,gentlemen我们休息一下让你们笑个够好吗?You thinkthe factthatI have bracesis hilarious我们把事情解决Well,lets justall takea momentand haveagoodlaugh,shall we然后像大人一样地做事Lets justgetitout ofour systems,霍布斯女士我们在笑第三页的错字米兰达不想再一次经历青春期so wecan goback towork likeadults.的痛苦Hobbes,we werejust laughingat thetypo onpage three.隔天她就去把牙套取下了Miranda decidedthat TMJwasalot lesspainful thana secondadolescence.重新回到三十四岁的舌头前推患者当晚崔依然继续使用自己的老方法The nextday,she hadher bracesremoved并发现发泄情绪也可以是一种刺and resumedher lifeasa34-year-old tonguethruster.激夏洛特找到That night,Trey resumedhisownbrand ofthrusting方法hearts;hearts;and discoveredthat tensionrelease couldbe aturn-on.将自己融入崔的性生活And Charlottediscovered away她将剩下来的婚礼照片物尽其用to includeherself inTreys sexlife.隔周在布莱尔的成年派对上…She alsofiguredoutwhat todowithall thosewedding proofsnot suitable for framing.我不确定有没有你的名字古德法布古德曼古德斯坦…The following weekend,at theBrier batmitzvahparty...抱歉女士们我没有看到Im notsure ifI haveyour name,lets see...1Goldfarb,Goldman,Goldstein.1我确定我有在名单上Im sorry,ladies,I justdont seeit.真不敢相信你还持有真正的唱片Im sureImon the list.我的天冥河”I cantbelieve youstill haveactual albums.我好爱“冥河”Oh,my God,Styx!我也有这张唱片I lovedStyx!I hadthis album.“叛国者〃不错“宝贝〃很烂1你怎么会有这些?Yeah,I lovedRenegade/hated Babe.开什么玩笑?这些是经典How doyou havethis我以前总是听着这首歌What,areyoukidding Thisisaclassic.hearts;偷开我爸妈的车Oh,this songis some drivingmy parents*Oldsmobile你知道现在做什么最好吗?without themknowing aboutit.溜旱冰?You knowwhat wouldgo greatwiththissong不对A tubetop androller skates加拿大超级大麻No...hearts;hearts;比一般大麻强六倍一盎司就要四百块美金Canadian supergrass.hearts;hearts;这就是维德不急着买自己公漓的原因Six timesstronger thanpot and400bucks anounce.这hearts;hearts;hearts hearts;又是什么?It suddenlybecame obviousWade wasin nohurry tosave upfor hisown apartment.自制大麻烟斗And whatpray-tell isthathearts;hearts;hearts;hearts;我在大麻营制作的…My bong.hearts;hearts;hearts;hearts;不好意思你说什么营?I madeit...at CampTikkatoki.我最后一次抽自制烟斗Im sorry,Camp Take-a-toke-eehearts;hearts;是八年级的时候当时我男朋友用锡箔纸原子笔I hadn*t smokedpot outof ahomemade bong和一罐妈妈的汽水瓶做的since my8th gradeboyfriend madeone outof tinfoil,a Bicpen,我已经忘了要怎么抽了anda2-liter bottleof hismothers lemonyPepsi light.之后的感觉就像…Ididnteven knowif Tdremember how.以十倍速骑脚踏车Turns outit waslike ridinga bike...回到成年仪式派对现场A10-speed.莎曼珊听到小女生超龄的谈话Back at the batmitzvah bash,派对结束后Samantha heardsome girltalk notsuitableforlittle ladies.我至少要跟三个超级男孩成员上床Im gonnatotally fuckhearts;hearts;其他两个是同性恋at leastthree ofthose fiveNSyncguys aftertheafter-party.我会跟他们上床And Iheard theother twoare gay.hearts;hearts;还要跟他们的男朋友上床So Cdfuck them.小姐们你们这么年轻不应该讲这种话吧?hearts;hearts;rd fuckthem andtheir gayboyfriends.说正经的Ladies,arent youa littleyoung forthat kindof talk你们有大半辈子会像这样说话Im serious.你们应该享受童年You haveyour wholelives totalk thatway.至少等到十五岁再有性行为拜托我十二岁就帮人口交You shouldenjoy beingchildren.了真的?At leastuntil youturn15and starthaving sex.hearts;hearts;Please,Ive beengiving blowjobs sinceIm
12.唯有如此男生才会喜欢你Really亲爰的才不是这样Its theonly waytogetguys tolikeyou.祖母跟我的手说话吧Oh,honey,that isnttrue.莎曼珊因为珍妮拥有的一切Um,talkto the hand,Grandma.而憎恨她Samantha had been resentingJennyBrierall thistime但是她突然领悟到because ofeverythingshehad.再多的钱也买不到她拥有的童年But thenSamantha realized,hearts;hearts;突然间在乳制品店打工也没有那么糟shed hadsomething thatno amountof moneycould buy...A childhood.我好渴And suddenlythe DairyQueen wasntlooking sobad.大麻烟斗里面有水Im thirsty.hearts;hearts;烟斗水!Theres bongwater.烟斗水Bong water!拿着Bong water.你在做什么?Hold this都湿掉了Hey!What areyou doing看我的辣鸡翅攻击Thats wet!糟了Attack ofthe spicychicken wings!好像是我父母的车子Oh,shit!不好了That lookslike myparents*car.不好了…Oh,shit.・没关系的•有关系-Oh,shit!Oh,God...-Shit,shit,shit!我父母说要是再被他们发现我抽大麻•Its okay,its okay!-No.Its notokay!我就得睡在漫画店hearts;hearts;My parentssaid ifthey caughtme smokingpot inthe houseagain,-等一下•怎么了?rd haveto sleeponacot inthe comicbook store!鸡翅-Wait,Wade!-What-What!-The chickenwings!要是他们看到这么多鸡翅…也会知道If theysee billionsof chickenwings...我们抽了大麻theyre gonnaknow...hearts;hearts;去他的鸡翅weweresmoking thepot!那该死的东西在哪里?Fuck the fucking chickenwings,man!你们,提r早回来了Where dwe putthefuckingpot这是大麻的味道吗?You*re home...early.hearts;hearts;■不是的■当然不是Is thatmarijuana Ismell那这是什么?-No.No,maam.-No.No,God,no.你父亲跟我告诫过你Then whatis this要是你再将大麻带进家里…Your fatherandItoldyou,hearts;hearts;是凯莉带来的ifyouever broughtmarijuana into this houseagain...我简直不敢相信Carrie broughtit.强力小子绝不会这样背叛我I couldntbelieve it.真的吗凯莉?PowerLadwouldneverhave rattedmeoutlike that.大麻是你带来的?Is thattrue,Carriehearts;hearts;人生中的有些时刻Did youbring marijuanaintothishouse你必须为自己负责There comesa timein everyone*s life我要像珍妮布莱尔一样when you havetotake responsibilityfor yourself.站出来向世界宣布A time when I,like JennyBrier,“从今天起我是女人了”had tostand upand sayto theworld,是的亚当太太1Today,I ama woman/大麻是我带来的Yes,Mrs.Adams.hearts;hearts;我离开时会一起带走I broughtthe marijuanainto thehouse...好棒and Imtaking itwith mewhen Igo.Oh,baby!她来了Da-da-da-da-da-da最后我认清自己即将迈入三十五的事实There sheis!不过在纽约这样一个忙碌沉重的城市In theend,I decidedIwasdefinitely34going on35,拥有像十三岁时的时光是很重要的but ina citylike NewYork withits paceand itspressures,在这段单纯的时光里最棒的事sometimes itsimportant tohavea13-year-old moment,就是和朋友瞎混听听唱片to remembera simplertimewhenthe bestthing inlife在自己的公「寓玩闹wasjusthanging out,listening torecords,hearts hearts;and havingfun withyour friends...in yourvery ownapartment.关于我的头痛我去看了医生We haveto atleast pretendto knowbetter.还在看So Ifinally wentto thedoctor aboutmy headaches...你没在帮我谢谢Still lookin,.我曾在网上诊断我的症状...which yourenot helping,thanks,・可以吗?・当然because I*dbeentrying todiagnose myselfonthe internet...只要把症状打上去-You candothat-Sure!1就可以等“癌症”这个字出现了You justtype inyour symptoms,hit enter/总之结果我是舌头前推患者and wait for theword cancerto appearonthescreen.如果你是男人就是一件好事Anyway,turns outIm atongue-thruster.我的舌头推挤到正面的牙齿导致咬合不正Now,see,ifyouwere aman,that wouldbeagood thing.牙医说我有颗额关节症状My tonguepushes upagainst myfront teeth,so mybite isall off.快点你得做些什么My dentistthinks Ihave TMJ.我明天要去牙齿矫正Cmon,youhavetodosomething.我是说那个可爱的男生I am,Im goingto theorthodontist tomorrow.她可以写纸条给他No,I mean,hes reallycute.这样更可爱了She couldwrite hima note.各位我才不要写纸条给他A note,even cuter.亲爱的可爱先生…You guys,Im notwriting hima note.Dear Mr.Cutie-cute...不可以那样写只要写上你的电话You didnotjustwrite that.hearts;hearts;我不要给他我的电话Nope,just yourphone number.hearts;hearts;不要紧张你不用亲自动手Im notgiving himmy phonenumber.我帮你送过去Oh,relax,TMJ,you donthaveto.凯莉Ill doitforya.-去吧姐妹■我的天Carrie...Carrie!抱歉打扰了-Go,girl.-Oh,my God.我朋友米兰达…Im sorrytobotheryou,■我的天■觉得你很可爱but myfriend Mirandaoverthere...请你的朋友米兰达打电话给我-Oh,my God.-She thinksyoure kindacute.hearts;hearts;在回家的路上Please tellyour friendMiranda tocallme.我决定顶着下午的太阳On theway homefrom lunch,去找修鞋师父救救我的旧鞋跟I decidedto bravethe afternoonheat但是hearts;hearts;当我到达的时候〃那里”已经不见了to seeif myfavorite shoerepair guycould doanything aboutmy tiredold soles.阿提…怎么了?But whenI gotthere...there wasno therethere.阿提?Hey.What,um...What happened to Artie修鞋子的师父Artie...hearts;hearts;他上次帮我修鞋跟Artie,my guy,myshoeguy.他搬到布鲁克林的威廉斯堡了He fixedthese thelast time.租金调整后他就负担不起了Oh,yeah,Artie.No,he movedback toWilliamsburg.要是漫画店的生意没有改善He,uh,couldntaffordthe placeonce theydestabilized therent.我也会负担不起And ifthe comicbusiness keepsgoing theway itis,漫画销路不好吗?Im notsure Illbe ableto either.不好尤其是我画的Oh,comics arentselling,huh“强力小子”维德亚当绘制No,especially mine.这是你画的?PowerLadby Wade Adams.他有什么能力?Is thisyou Didyou drawthis他想要变成超级英雄Wow.So whatsso powerfulabout him他的父母都是超级英雄Hes a superhero.Or hewantstobe.他试着寻找自己的超能力See,hisparentswere superheroes,但还没成功and hestryingtofigure outwhat hissuperpowers are.愚蠢的玩意你从事什么行业?They haventreally kickedin yet.我是个作家And…its stupid...What doyou do好酷你写什么?Oh,Imawriter.翻开报纸第七页Really Thatscool.What doyou write我就觉得你很眼熟Turn topage sevenof yournewspaper there.你有想过写漫画吗?Oh,yes,see,I thoughtyou lookedfamiliar.You everthink aboutwriting comics那不是男生做的事吗?才怪也有很多〃女英雌”Arent thecomics moreof aboy thing蝙蝠女女超人…No way.Theres allkinds ofwomen superheroes...还有神奇女侠Batgirl,Supergirl,Black Canary.戴着手镯和头饰Iknowyouve heardof Wonder Woman.连她的配件都有超能力Oh,withthebracelets andthe tiara.老天I usedto lovethat evenher accessorieshad superpowers.他们怎么了?Aw,man.对他们而言你就是神奇女侠Whats wrongwith them.不要拍马屁了我会捧场的.好No,see,to them,you areWonderWoman.我的鞋子没有修好-All right,stop,Til buysomething.-All right.隔周我倒是得到一双新靴子I neverdid getmy shoesfixed,我不知道我在想什么but thefollowingweek,Ididget anew pairof boots.我只觉得应该要谢谢他I dontknowwhatcame overme,就算身为一个超级英雄我仍是无力抵挡but Isuddenly feltcompelled tocall andthank him.那一晚受到米兰达网络诊断的鼓舞Even asasuperhero,Iwaspowerless toresist.夏洛特上网寻找帮助崔的方法That evening,inspired byMirandas digitaldiagnosis,答案就在那里有着开关的…Charlotte wentsurfing fora curefor Treyscondition.八千块的水力装置There itwas,in boththeonand offpositions...可以将崔变成超人$8,000worth ofhydraulicsthat couldturn Treyinto theBionic Man.通常夏洛特对这类东西敬谢不敏不过既然这危及到她的婚姻Ordinarily,this wasthe kindof thingCharlotte wouldshy awayfrom.那一晚我跟维德亚当别名强力小子But sinceher marriagewas shyof wood...1在时报广场的电动馆约会That night,I metWadeAdams,alias PowerLad/这里有真正的酒和虚拟实境at BarCode,a TimesSquare bar这个地方真是不可思议that specializedinrealdrinks andvirtual reality.玩一次就要十块美金I cantbelieve thisplace.不过买啤酒就可以玩游戏Its liketen bucksa game.hearts;hearts;这会让人昏沉沉地越玩越多Yeah,but thegames comewith beer.听起来很不错Yeah,thats causethey wantyoutoplay halfas welland twiceas much.要玩〃血浴〃还是〃恐怖行动〃Sounds goodtome.“青蛙过街”跟“小精灵”呢?Whatll itbe,a littleBloodburst orTerrafrag2她结婚了What everhappenedtoFrogger andMs.Pac-Man不会吧跟青蛙?She gotmarried.真有他们的老天No!To Pac-Man我真是落伍了Oh,good forthem.想不想到火星去?Man,where haveI been只要十块钱?很划算I dontknow,but youwanna goto Mars走吧For tenbucks Itsa bargain.就在这栋建筑物里Lets go!After you.强力小子带我到银河的最远处Then,without everleaving thebuilding,回到七年级PowerLadtook metothefurthest reachesofthegalaxy,出发了and rightback toseventh grade.这真是叫人疯狂There wego.布莱和皮平想来点七八年的拉菲特红酒It wasmaddening.开关植入的方法Bram andPippem favoredthe78Lafite,which wasentirely acceptable.让夏洛特联想到崔The implantspatented on-off switch她急切地想将他启动had Charlottethinking aboutTreys.却遍寻不着开关She desperatelywanted toturn hison,我们和他开了个玩笑我们两样都点了but shedidntknowwhere tofind it.你今天过得怎么样?But,attheend ofthe night,joke wason him,*cause weordered both.我早上去了画廊How wasyour day下午了装潢公司;・・Well,I wenttothegallery inthe morning,hearts;hearts.然后我在网上找到这个and thenthe framersintheafternoon...看And then,I foundthis ontheinternet.这是什么…See夏洛特你想说什么What onearth...只是…Charlotte,what,what areyou gettingatWell,just that...well...我们什么都试过了就是没办法…Weve triedeverything else,and...你还没进入我的…那个We still...you havent…;所以我想…in my...ever so...你不是认真的吧?so,I justthought...我们还有别的办法吗?You cantbe serious.五瓶啤酒四场游戏之后What otheroptions dowe have我们来到度(摄氏度)的外面…Five beers,four videogames,
10238.8你在开玩笑102degrees outsidelater...拜托这很好玩Uh,you gottabe kidding.比搭计程车便宜What Thisis fun.而且所有的小孩都有一台Its cheaperthan takingcabs.要不要试一试?Besides,all thekids gotem.现在骑车太热了Wanna tryit回我家去Its toohot toscoot.家里有阳台可以吹吹风看风景We couldgotomyplace.我可不是第一次约会就会到男生家阳台的女孩I gotaterrace,I gota greatview.And thebreeze upthere iseven better.我尊重那一点Imnot the kindagirl whoscoots toa guysterrace onthefirstdate.我家有中央空调I couldrespect that.hearts;hearts;Ihavecentral air.把滑板车给我骑过吗?Gimme thatscooter.没有You everbeen onone骑得很棒No.谢谢Thats great!我穿高跟鞋骑滑板车Thank you.你没有说这里的风景这么漂亮Ahh!Im scootingin heels.还有微风You saidyou hada view,nottheview.就好像这里的空气比较棒And thisbreeze你居然能拥有这一切Its liketheres evendifferent airup here.。