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欲望城市(性爰专家凯莉布雷萧并且勇于发问)“肉麻元素”hearts;hearts;在秋天纽约客尽情享受每一个好天气如果可以的话我要再来一杯In autumn,New Yorkerstreat everynice dayas ifit couldbe theirlast.你会把我带坏rd haveanother ifyou would.What do you say我等了好久Youre abad influence.你说过在地铁站会合I waitedand waited!我在地铁站楼梯下面等你You saidto meetyou at the subway.你在地铁站外面?I wasat thesubway!I wasat thefoot of the stairs!你跑到地铁站里面了You wasatthesubway你连路都说不清楚我等了…You wasin thesubway!那是年后的我们Oh,you dontknow how to givedirections,I waited...30拜托你别那么说Thats gonna be usin30years.开玩笑的我们不会那样Please dontsay that.我们已经那样了记得吗?Im kidding,that couldnever beus.但那是以前的事That alreadywas us,remember未来我不想变成那样Yeah,but that was then.别担心你会变成那样Okay,so for the future,I don*t want to becomethat.我不会担心的rOkay,I dont want you toworry aboutbecoming that.我们还不喜欢哪些事呢?Okay,I wont.-All right.-Anything elsewe don*t want我不要你付啤酒钱I dont wantyoupaying for these beers.然后是我星期四的咪咪真的是特别小…See howsmall they arehearts;hearts;这是它们在吃午餐的样子There theyare againon Thursday,teeny-tiny...得用放大镜才能看到它们And theretheyarehaving lunch,我不敢相信你想要隆乳you canbarely seethem,I shouldvebrought myloop.我不敢相信你去了好莱坞星球餐厅I cantbelieve youwould actuallyconsider havinga boob job.你是个充满自信的聪明女人I cantbelieve youwent toPlanet Hollywood.为什么想变成波霸?You area confident,intelligent woman.我不会把咪咪变得跟西瓜一样大Why wouldyou want to looklike abimbohearts;hearts;我会把胸部整得很有气质就跟…你一样I wouldntbe gettingthe watermelonfreak-show kind.你的胸部很好看Ed getsomething tasteful,something like…yours.真的吗?Yours aregood.谢谢-Mine-Mm.我的胸部哪里不好?Thanks.它们也不差让我看看…Whats wrongwith mine好吧…去摸她的Well,theyre not bad,either.Lets see...不Okay,alright...Get hers!几天后天空下起大雨・・・No.听着你会喜欢这首诗A fewdays later,the raincame...r诗?Listen,you lllike thispoem.空气中诗意盎然Poem“共处的生活漫长悠久And sodid the poetry.雪开始下〃So longhad lifetogether beenthat“像没完没了”once thesnow beganto fall,“唯恐雪花使她闭上双眼”it seemedunending thatleast theflakes“我用手挡着should makeher eyelidswince.他们假装不相信双眼的思念”rd shieldthem withmy hand,“会敲痛我的掌心它们就像蝴蝶一样…”and they,pretending not to believethe cherishingof eyes,那真的好严肃would beatagainst mypalm likebutterflies...你受不了了?Ee-yow.That issome seriousstuff.不它真的好美…-Had enough,huh-No.要不要听我念我最喜欢的诗?No,its beautiful...请吧How aboutI readyou a little bitof myfavorite poetry“蒂芙妮的鸡尾酒会弥漫着古典迷人气息”Please.“奥斯卡德拉伦塔的无袖上衣Cocktails atTiffanys callsfor classiccharm.丝质长洋装黑色花纹低腰皮带〃Oscar DeLa Rentasleeveless silkfaille,那真的很有诗意full-skirted dress,with blackpatent leatherbow belt.奥斯卡跟我是好朋友Now thatis purepoetry.Oscar isa goodfriend ofmine.我会告诉他你喜欢那套洋装奥斯卡?Fil tell him youlike thedress.你叫他奥斯卡?Oscar那是他的名字对吧?You callhim Oscar所以你不太喜欢诗It*s hisname,isnt it为什么?So,you feeluncomfortable with thepoetry.对不起Why is that或许你还不认识我我在写一个专栏Look,Tm sorry,perhaps we were notproperly主题是浪漫已死或・・・introduced.I writea columnbased on the assumption浪漫是虚假的that romanceis eitherdead orjust...你觉得我很假?phony.不是那样的You thinkIm phony是我觉得很虚假No,no,no,not atall.老实说我不习惯这么夸张的恋情No,Im theone thatfeels like a phony.你的意思是其他男人.…Frankly,Im justnot used to thesegrand gestures.没念诗给你听过或是…You meanno otherman...没为你弹过琴?No oneever readyou alittle poem,or...不Played alittle musicfor you他们不曾那么做过No.哇No,they havenot.好吧Wow.我昏头了你在哪里?Oh,okay.在用我午餐的时间买婚纱Im inover myhead,where areyouhearts;hearts;Shopping for a weddingdress on我说不要白色或象牙白的my lunchhour.我不要有处女意义的婚纱I saidno white,no ivory,hearts;hearts;我有个孩子就那么简单No nothingthat saysvirgin.好吧…I havea child,the jigis up.昨天俄国佬念俄国诗给我听Okay,so...hearts;hearts;hearts;hearts;但他用的是英文yesterday,the Russianread mea Russianpoem,那是你编出来的吗?but,you know,in English.不这听起来或许很疯狂Are youjust makingthis stuffup now我不觉得他是装的No.And thismight soundcrazy,他是玩真的but I don*t think its anact.那不代表一切没事I thinkhe actuallymeans it.他有考虑到你的感觉吗?That doesntmake itokay.你说得对他是个自私鬼Has heconsidered yourfeelings我是认真的Youre right,hes aselfish pig.你应该告诉他这些浪漫的小把戏Im serious.让你觉得想吐I thinkyou shouldtell him that thiswhole romancething他是在和你约会不是安娜卡列妮娜gives youthe icks,turns yourstomach,and that hes datingyou,not AnnaKarenina.好吧我告诉他我不能那样告诉他Okay,Til tellhimthat.我得问你一件事如果你那么反对浪漫I canttellhimthat.为什么还要举行婚礼?And letme askyou something,if youreso anti-romance,hearts;hearts;你为什么不到市政厅公证结婚why areyou havinga weddingat allhearts hearts;我想过但我之后觉得Why notjust godown tocity halland getit overwith我还是想大声说出我的婚誓You know,I thoughtabout that,but thenI realized,让史蒂夫跟我在乎的人都听到I actuallydo want to saythose vowsout loud,你在偷笑吗?to Steve,in frontofthepeople Icare about.不完全相反天啊米兰达Are yougagging overthere你是我的挖苦指标No,the opposite.My God,Miranda.答应我婚后你还是会这么刻薄?You weremy cynicaltouchstone.我会的Do youpromise tostill becynical,even afteryoure married我得挂电话了我看到一件特别夸张的婚纱I do.hearts;hearts;好的我们得再好好谈一谈I havegot to go,theres a big pileof tutuscoming atme.(诗与浪漫主义)Okay,we needto haveanother talk.住在纽约市的优点之一就是你不必伪装自己的感觉One ofthe greatthings aboutliving inNew YorkCity但纽约女人isthat you dont have tosugarcoat yourfeelings.安于没有甜言蜜语的世界吗?But haveNew Yorkwomen我们愿意到吃吃看餐厅因此放弃了美味的冰淇淋settled for a sugar-free existenceas well我们用电子邮件代替情歌用玩笑代替诗We acceptTasti-D-Lite insteadof realice cream.hearts;难怪面对真正的浪漫时E-mails insteadof lovesongs,jokes insteadof poetry.我们都会觉得受不了Its nowonder thatwhen facedwiththe real thing,那是我们可以学着消化的事吗?或是…we cantstomach it.我们会变得无法接受浪漫?Is itsomething wecould learnto digest,or...然后第三道菜Have webecome romance-intolerant我们想点鹅肝Et puis,for thetroisieme course,接下来是勃艮第牛肉we wouldlike thefoie gras,奶油蔬菜…followed by the boeufbourguignon,那是哈利的浪漫avec leslegumes ala creme...夏洛特非常喜欢It wasHarrys versionof aserenade,最后是起司and Charlotteate itright up.你要起司碟还是用车?Et enfin,the platdu fromage.我们有很精美的起司盛放车The plateorthe cart是的请用车送上来We havea lovelycheese cart.那非常适合我太太Mais,oui!Bring usthecart!我不知道你的法文说得那么好亲爱的Tout suitefor mysweetie.法国人的浪漫是跟我学的宝贝I hadno ideayou couldspeak Frenchso well,honey.在城里有个女人在做隆乳手术研究The Frenchlearned romancefrom me,bebe.莎曼珊决定到大波霸最常去的地方Downtown,in thename ofboobjobresearch,hearts;hearts;有些人的咪咪很小…Samantha decidedtogowhere thebiggest cropwould beon display.hearts;hearts;还不错Some werelittle boobs...不是很小-Ooh,that*s okay.-Not sobad.有些人的咪咪很大…Not toosmall.hearts;hearts;有些人的咪咪大到不像话…Some werebig boobs...hearts;hearts;天啊Some wereridiculously bigboobs...我要娶她为妻Oh,boy.然后咪咪最大的女人Okay,that*s mywife,right there.hearts;hearts;走到她身边And then,there werethe twobiggest boobsof all,需要我效劳吗?right besideher.你的胸部非常自然漂亮我见所未见Can Iget yousomething如果不是天生的话我想知道你的医生是谁You eitherhave the most naturallybeautiful breastsIve everseen,你需要贝佛医生or Ineed thename of your doctor.他是最棒的You wantDr.Bevel.光是小费都很值得Hes thebest.与此同时回到世纪…Theyve paidfor themselvesin tipsalone.18抱歉我穿得这么正式来你家过夜Meanwhile,back in the18th century...今晚在大都会歌剧院有个开幕式Oh,Im sorry.Is thisa formalsleepoverhearts;Actually,theres anopening atthe是《茶花女》你要跟我一起去Met tonight.我差点就换上正式礼服了Its LaTraviata.And youregoing withme.但我还是不顾我的直觉Man,I wasthis closeto throwingon myball gown,好吧那我回家换衣服but Iignored myinstincts.不这样子比较快到这里来Alright,Til gohome andchange快打开它No,no,no.It wouldbe muchfaster.Come in.今晚以你的浪漫为主我不重要Come on,open it.我从杂志上看到的Tonight,only yourpoetry,not mine.hearts;hearts;你喜欢吗?From themagazine.如果我一直在避免浪漫You likeit看来我得抛开顾忌If I had been on aromance-free diet,那是最浪漫优雅…this seemedlikea good timeto binge.对不起那真的很奇怪That was the mostromantic,elegant...颓废的七道菜…Pardon me,thatwas weird.抱歉甜心Decadent,seven-course...天啊Im sorry,honey.你没事吧?Oh,boy...甜心Are you okay你会很久吗?Honey或许Are yougonnabelong inthere一定会怎么了?Uh,maybe.没关系我去另外一间Oh,definitely.Why当你吃下浪漫的七道佳肴That*s okay,1*11go to the other one.你会怀念每一口的味道When yousplurge ona romanticseven-course meal,有汤甜点…you generallywant toremember everybite.还有各式美食…There wasthe soupcourse.The dessertcourse...应该没事And allthose otheryummy coursesin between...我都拉完了That*s gottabe it.哈利跟夏洛特的浪漫每隔分钟发作一次…Im done.20他们拉了一整晚的肚子Harry andCharlotte hadromance shootingout of them every20minutes...如果我是你我不会进去...for therest ofthe night.我来不及到另外一间了I wouldntgo inthere,if Iwere you.都是起司害的I cantmake ittothe otherone!该死的起司Its thefucking fromage.小心我来了That fuckingfromage!疯狂拉肚子一整晚Uh-oh.Oh,oh,look out,Tm comingin.不是什么浪漫的事Surviving anight offood poisoningtogether但那会是恋人间的永久回忆wasnt thestuff ofgreat romance,我记得是七点半开始but itwasthestuff oflasting love.没事是八点开始I thoughtit startsat7:
30.同时在前往歌剧院的路上发生了一件很有趣的事No,its8:
00.We*re fine.hearts;等一下Meanwhile,a funnything happenedon theway tothe opera.怎么了?Wait,wait.这首曲子这个地方What你This music,this place.这真的很完美吧?You.你愿意跟我跳舞吗?Isnt itperfect那是最浪漫的一刻…Would youdance withme等一下It wasthe mostromantic moment...•那位小姐昏倒了•你没事吧?Whoa,stop,stop.What你没事吧?-My God,that ladyfell!-Hey,hey,hey Are youokay不You okay,hey我受不了了No.我是美国人Its toomuch.你得一步一步慢慢来・・・Im anAmerican.还要一个麦香堡跟起司口味的麦克鸡块…You gottatake itdown anotch...你要超大份的吗?And thena QuarterPounder withcheese,um,McNuggets...你吃得完吗?Would youlike tosuper-size that当然Can youhandle it关于歌剧的事我很抱歉Absolutely.hearts;别傻了Im sorryabout theopera.下次再说吧再换一套衣服Dont besilly.你要吃根薯条吗?Another time,another dress.它们很有法国的感觉…May Ioffer youa fry那么说的话…Theyre French...我想在这里跳支舞Oh,then...如果你还愿意跟我一起跳舞Okay,I thinkI might be upfor aquick spinnow.那当然If youllstill haveme.-我是认真的■现在轮到你了好吧我不想当你的老妈-Im serious.Your turn.说得好Okay.I dont want tobecome yourmother.我不要像以前那么懒Thats agood one.我不要那么暴躁这真的很有趣I dontwant toslack offlike I usedto.我再也不想失去你I dontwant tobe somoody.This isfun.即使我搞砸了别的事I dontwant to lose youagain.这是最重要的Even if I screwup all theotherstuff,我也不想失去你thats theone thatmatters.r你愿意娶我吗?I dontwant toloseyou either.你是认真的吗?Will youmarry meAre you serious对你愿意吗?当然愿意Yes.Will you有些伴侣得说出他们不喜欢的事Hell yeah!才能说出“我愿意”Some coupleshave tosay their I donts在八十条街外的另一个世界before theycan everimagine sayingtheirIdos.我在亚力山大佩特洛夫斯基家80blocks anda worldaway,享受完全不同的快乐时光I wasenjoying adifferent kindof happyhour.好美那是什么曲子?At AleksandrPetrovskys.浆果Thats pretty.What isthat这是我帮你写的曲子Oh,the berries.一共是九块五角四分Of course.Thatll be$
9.
54.在皎洁的月光下我终于因为浪漫开怀大笑And there,beneath thefluorescent moonlight,而不是故作姿态I wasfinally laughingwith romance,如果我变得比这个大and notat it.看起来会很可笑吧?And ifI wentany biggerthan this,那跟我无关Ed thinkId lookridiculous,dont you但她是我的f客人-Well,that snot mywork.-Oh.我在她得金球奖前帮她动的刀But I did hers.And hersright beforethe GoldenGlobes.它们真的谋杀了不少底片请把另一只手臂抬高Wow,theyre winners.两个月后我得公开亮相Other arm,please.到时候我的胸部可以见人吧?I havean eventin twomonths到时候它们会坚挺如峰吧?that Idreally liketo havealittlecleavage for.这位女士你的乳房有硬块Will theybe upand runningby thenhearts;hearts;hearts;我建议你在动手术前先做个检查Ms.Jones,you havea lump就在这里你可以摸摸看Fd likeyou to have checkedout beforewe beginour work.你是在开玩笑吧?Its right here,you canfeel ityourself.恐怕不是的Areyoukidding好吧但不严重吧?No,Im afraidnot.很可能只是囊肿Okay,but itsnot serious,right但我们得确定一下Well,ifs probablyjust acyst,我要你尽快去做检查好吗?but wewant tobe absolutelysure.米兰达结婚那天fd likeyou tohave itlooked atas soonas possible,okay我以为一切都会很浪漫By Miranda*s weddingday,莎曼珊坚持搭计程车来接我I thoughtthe wholeworld hadgone romantic你是怎么了?when Samanthainsisted onpicking meup ina cab.你开错了一百个街区What hascome overyou请到第六街跟第十大道口This isa hundredblocks outof yourway.;So nowwere going to10th and6th Avenue,please.•你看起来很漂亮•你也是谢谢-Boy,you looknice.-Well,so do you.我跟整型外科医生做了隆乳手术咨询Thank you.hearts;hearts;告诉我你改变了心意So,I hadmy breastconsultation withthe plasticsurgeon.不是那样的Please tellme youvechanged yourmind.他发现肿块我做了切片检查Well,not exactly.结果是我得了癌症He founda lump,and I had itbiopsied,你…什么?什么时候?and itturns outI havecancer.我在星期三做切片检查昨天拿到检查报告You...What When;我会告诉你详细的情况Well Ihad itbiopsied on Wednesday and I foundout yesterday.你不要太难过担心Im gonnagive youalltheinformation我会在这个时候告诉你and I dontwantyou toget upsetor startworrying,原因是我不想突然失控and theonly reasonIm tellingyou now在婚礼中大叫着“我得了癌症”and notlater isI didntwant toaccidentally blurtout,1麻烦你走第五大道百老汇大道太堵了“I havecancer/inthemiddle ofMirandas wedding.好了我在听Could youplease takeFifth Broadwaysa disaster.别告诉夏洛特跟米兰达Okay,Im listening.我不希望毁了她们的好心情And pleasedont tellCharlotte andMiranda.当然你说的都对I dontwant toruin theirdays,too.Of course,whatever yousay.你到底知道什么?我的乳房有癌细胞So whatexactly doyou knowhearts;hearts;hearts;我做了乳房光像肿瘤很小Well,just thatthere arecancer cellshearts;hearts;hearts;Xr那是件好事and Ihad amammogram,and theythinkits small,下星期他们取出肿瘤前我只知道这么多which isagoodsign.所以现在你都知道了And Iwont knowanything elseuntil theytake thefucker outnext week,我们来聊聊别的事吧so there,now you know everything你喜欢我的披肩吗?and wecan talk about somethingelse.谢谢你告诉我So,doyoulike myskunk没问题Well,thank you for tellingme.抱歉坏了你今天的好心情Sure.莎曼珊…Im sorryto puta bigcloud overthe wholeday.我知道我一定会没事的Samantha...只是…I knowIm gonnabe fine,I knowthat.我不想失去我的乳房Its just...hearts;hearts;hearts;•它们真的很漂亮•没错I dontwanttolose mybreasts.不论好坏They*re fabulous.不论贫富For betteror worse.•在有生之年会珍爱彼此•在有生之年会珍爰彼此For richeror poorer.To loveand tocherish,as longas weboth shalllive.•这是我的誓言■这是我的誓言现在轮到米兰达了This is my solemnvow.•我米兰达霍布斯…-我米兰达霍布斯・・・Now Miranda.•愿意接受史蒂夫布莱迪一愿意接受史蒂夫布莱迪…L MirandaHobbes...•成为我的丈夫…•成为我的丈夫…Take you,Steve Brady...你看妈妈跟爸爸要结婚了To bemy husband...•不论贫富…-不论贫富…Look,mommy anddaddy aregetting married.•不论疾病或健康一不论疾病或健康…For richeror poorer...•在有生之年会珍爱彼此•在有生之年会珍爱彼此In sicknessand inhealth...•这是我的誓言•这是我的誓言To loveand tocherish,as longasweboth shalllive.你答应会遵守This ismy solemnvow.在亲友面前立下的誓言吗?Do youpromise touphold thesevows•我愿意■我愿意youve madehere today,witnessed byyour closestfriends andfamily根据纽约州赋予我的权力Ido.我宣布你们成为夫妇With thepower vestedin mebythestate ofNew York,来吧大伙们这是令人高兴的一刻I nowpronounce youhusband andwife.这是令人高兴的一刻Cmon,everybody,its happytime.来吧这是令人高兴的一刻Cmon,its happytime.米兰达不会有意见的婚礼仪式Cmon,its happytime!就是婚宴我们都坐下来大吃一顿The onewedding ritualMiranda neverhad aproblem withwasthe partwhere everyoneeats.And sowe did.莎曼珊你今天好漂亮谢谢我得了癌症Samantha,you lookso prettytoday.-什么?-饮料还可以吗?Thanks,I havecancer.我们还没喝够再送过来-What-Areyouall okay with drinks酷啊Uh,no,were notokaywithdrinks.Keep emcoming.我喜欢你的婚纱颜色Cool.谢谢I likethe colorof yourdress.我佩服你不喜欢假装Oh,thank you.听着现在我们是一家人I admireyoufornot pretending.were我要告诉你一件私事…Listen,family now你不必那么做and theressomething privateI wantto tell you...我嫁给史蒂夫老爹的那天穿着白色婚纱Oh,you donthave to.但我不该那么做The dayI marriedSteve*s father,I worewhite.我曾经出轨过But Ishouldn*thave.一次上帝原谅我I slipped.别告诉史蒂夫Once,God forgiveme.我在圣安格斯教堂走上红毯的那一端.・・Dont tellSteve.外面穿着白色婚纱When Iwalked downthat aisleat SaintAgnes...肚里却怀着小积琪Ihada white dress on...on theoutside,史蒂夫?and mylittle Jackieon theinside.妈Steve-怎么了?-你还是肚子饿吗?Hey,Ma.我们去吃点东西吧?-What-Ya stillhungry天啊我跟史蒂夫的妈妈在法律上成了亲戚Cmon,lets getsome chow.■你好■恭喜你Oh myGod,I amlegally boundto Steve*s mother.什么?你们怎么怪怪的?-Hi again.-There sheis.Congratulations!我们一点都不奇怪What,why areyou being weird我们只是在闲聊Were notbeingweird.在聊我的事吧?No,were justtalking.你们觉得我是混蛋About me,righthearts;hearts;我成了他们中的一员成了完美新娘You thinkIm anasshole,一天啊不■不that Ivebecome one ofthem,that Ima Stepfordbride.告诉我你们在聊什么-God,no!-No!明天再告诉你Then tellme whatyoure talkingabout.我不想毁了你的大喜之日Fil tellyou tomorrow,别管我的大喜之日正常一点I dontwanttoruin yourspecial day.拜托我求你们我得了乳腺癌Forget aboutmy special fucking dayand be normal.Please,I begofyou.什么?I havebreast cancer.看吧?WhatSee这是我的大日子你得了乳腺癌?Now it*smyspecialfuckingday.Hmph!别哭You havebreast cancer米兰达我没想到你会这样Hey,no tears.Miranda,I expectedmore fromyou.我们就害怕你会这样快去招呼客人我们待会再聊See,this iswhat wewere afraidof.你们是我的朋友我们现在就得谈Go backto yourpeople,weH talkabout thislater.从头开始说You aremy peopleand welltalkaboutit now!你是全世界最霸道的新娘Now,start atthe beginning.没错你们得照我的话去做You arethe bossiestbride inthe world.开始说Yes,I am.And you have todo everything I say.好吧你记不记得…Now starttalking.不论好坏Okay,doyouremember whenI wanted...那天我们都可以做自己就跟米兰达希望的一样For betteror forworse,wewereall ourselvesthatday.Just theway Mirandawanted it.什么?不可能This littletune Imade upfor you.那是真的What No,you didnt.Yes,Idid.1意思是“有双明眸的女人〃La FemmeAvec LesYeux Lumineux.这是我一辈子听过最老套的话Which meansWoman withluminous,uh,shining,sparkling eyes.我知道我根本不敢看你们That is the cheesiestthingI have everheard inmy life.我觉得很不好意思I know,I canteven lookatyouall rightnow,我觉得很古典Im soembarrassed.就跟世纪的俄国一样Well,it allsounds veryold-world tome.18hearts;hearts;现在我住在纽约Very18th centuryRussia.在地铁里有人让坐就很浪漫了Yes,andIlive inNew YorkCity,circa now.那真的很浪漫I thinkits romanticif someone offers mea seaton thesubway.我们渴望真的浪漫That isromantic.那是个悲伤的事实We arejust starvedfor realromance,我才不渴望and thatisthesad truth.史密斯在洛杉矶Im notstarved.他每晚睡前都打电话给我Smith isin L.A.fortheweek,hearts;hearts;电话性爱不算数and hecalls meevery nightbefore hegoes tosleep.hearts;heartshearts;hearts;Phone sexdoesnt我会边做边喝酒count.我想多听些浪漫故事Well,Im drinkinga glassof winewhile we do it.他还做了什么?I wantto hearmore about the romance.还有一件事What elseWhat elsedid hedo但如果我告诉你们那会成为全世界最老套的事Well,there wasone morething,才不会but ifI tellyou,it*ll bethe ickheard roundthe world.他帮我写了一首曲子It willnot.对・・・恶心You knowthe songthathewrote forme它有个名字-Yeah...Ick.-Well...It hada name.“有双明眸的…〃La FemmeAvec LesYeux Lumineux.“女人”The WomanWith EyesThat...法文的恶心要怎么说?Sparkle.Whats Frenchfor ick我发誓他弹琴的时候Eek.我感觉自己的灵魂出窍漂浮在房顶And Iswear toyou,while hewas playingit,hearts;俯瞰着自己心想“少来了”I floatedup outof my body andI wasontheceiling他用古老的方式表达自己的情感looking downat myselfthinking...Come on!那一点都不动人只是在表演Hes justexpressing genuineemotion inan old-fashioned way.我受不了做作的行为But itsnot genuine,its pureshow.所以我用一杯三块的啤酒跟史蒂夫求婚I can*t standall thatartificial hoo-hah.你跟他求婚?Thats whyI proposedto Steveover three-dollar beers.你跟他求婚..・让他娶你?You proposed大伙们别说了You proposed...marriage那不是什么大事我没有订婚Okay,everybody,stop.我不希望有铺张的婚礼Its notabigdeal,I amnot engaged/我不要婚纱伴娘跟婚纱照Im notdoing thebig circuswedding.我讨厌那些东西There willbenowhitedressor bridesmaids,or posedpictures.那是你的选择I hateall thatshit.每个新娘的风格都不一样Well,thats yourchoice.婚期是什么时候?Every bridehas tofind herown style.我得先找到不会让我破口大骂的地方Well,when isit gonnabe我只希望婚礼简简单单As soonas I can findsome placethat doesntmake mehurl.我甚至不在乎婚礼本身Its justgoingtobe asimple,nothing thing.我只想跟史蒂夫在一起I donteven careaboutthewedding,米兰达…I justwanttobe withSteve.我就是不要你们这样Oh,Miranda...别哭了Okay,this isexactly whatI dontwant.我的天…No tears.我不敢相信...Oh myGod...你们吓坏我了I cantbelieve it...;Thats ityoure allfreaking meout.莎曼珊我以为你不会这样他得到灵感为她写了一首歌Samantha,I expectedmore fromyou.hearts;还弹给她听He justfelt inspiredto writeher asong那真的很浪漫吧?and thenhe playedit forher.还不错Isnt thatthemostromantic thingyouve everheard我小时候会吹竖笛Yeah,notbad.好好吃来一口吧Iusedto playclarinet whenI waslittle.吃起来很像真的奶油山核桃吧?This isso good,youhave tohavesome.如果我们得这么玩Doesnt thattaste likereal butterpecan好吧我可以假装它是真的Okay,if thatswhat wereplaying.真好吃Sure,I canpretend thiswhipped flavoredair istherealthing.那像是维多利亚时代的小说Yum!现在的人不会再那么做I mean,its likesomething outof aVictorian novel.我也可以很浪漫people justdont dothose thingsanymore.甜心我知道你可以Hey,Icanbe romantic,too,youknow.你陪我走到吃吃看餐厅Oh,honey,I knowyou can.就已经够浪漫了I thinkits romanticthat youwalk meto别逗我笑Tasti-D-Lite everynight.我知道什么是浪漫Don*t humorme,不是只有外国人才会那么做I knowhowtodo romanceright.事实上・・・Its notjust forfoo-foo foreigners.事实上我要带你到城里-In fact...-Mm.度过一个浪漫夜晚In fact,Im gonnatake youout我们要享受美酒佳肴forareal romanticnight onthe town.Mm-hm.・真的吗?■没错Wining anddining,baby.我要再舔一口…-Really-You bet.我不想有个盛大的入场式Let meget anotherlick ofthat...不想让大家都盯着我看I dontwanttomake abig entrance.从头到尾…I dontwant everyonestaring atme.我希望它有我们的风格And fromlicking tolugging...不像我以前经历过的那些I justwant itto feellike us.Like,not likeoneofthose millionsof cookie-cutter weddings让人受不了的讨厌婚礼我们该怎么做?Ive hadto sufferthrough.搭船绕岛一周怎么样?How dowedothat那不一样What aboutoneofthose boatrides thatgoes allaround theisland我们不是爰船的人Thats different.我们什么时候搭过船了?Were not boat people.好吧你有更棒的点子吗?When havewe everbeenona boattogether,ever该死Okay,you gota betterideaOh,shit!该死这就是我们我们太可悲了Oh,shit.Agh!这块口香糖跟三秒胶一样This isso us,we arepathetic.你看到了吗?This gumis likesuperglue.我们是凡夫俗子不是爱船的人Look atthis.我们应该在这团混乱中就地成婚You see,were bagpeople,notboatpeople.如果我没办法把口香糖弄掉我们真的得那么做We shouldget marriedrightherein thismess.(这是社区园艺计划)Were gonnahavetoifI cant getthis gumoff.那座花园好漂亮hearts;hearts;是啊好漂亮Thats anice garden.不会太俗气Yeah,its pretty.你觉得呢?But notcorny.我不讨厌它What doyou think关于讨厌婚礼还有一件事Idonthate it.比挑选结婚地点还难…The onlything harderthan choosinga spot宾客签名簿呢?for yourwedding whenyou hateweddings...我们在给你讨厌婚礼的朋友挑选结婚礼物What abouta guestbook亲爰的一共才八个客人...is choosinga weddinggift foryour friendwho hatesweddings.根本不需要签名Sweetie,theres gonnabe likeeight ofus there.我不敢相信米兰达要结婚了Theres noone tokeep trackof.这个好漂亮Icantbelieve Mirandais gettingmarried.她一定会讨厌太家居感了-Mm...-This ispretty.太明亮了Oh,she*ll hatethat.Too domestic.千万别惹她生气And toobridey.我们应该买个钉书机送她Yeah,lets trynottopiss heroff.hearts;hearts;用牛皮纸包好涂上狗屎Well,maybe weshould justbuy hera stapler,你觉得她会喜欢吗?and wrapit inbrown paperand justsmear somedog pooon it.好吧我们就选盘子Do youthink shedbe comfortablewith that姐妹们我得告诉你们一件事Fine,well getthe dish.hearts;hearts;hearts;你们一定会很不高兴Ladies,I havesomething totellyou,如果你也要丢下我去结婚我会杀了你and yourenot goingto likeit.你知道的我一直都很喜欢我的身体If youget marriedand leaveme allalone Iwill killyou.我有双美腿As youknow,I havealways lovedmybodyjust theway itis.hearts;hearts;平坦的小腹我的臀部非常完美…My legsare fantastic,我们不会喜欢这个?Ihavekiller abs,my assis perfection...但经过深思熟虑后Is thisthe partwere notgonna like我决定要去隆乳But Ihave decided,after carefulconsideration,什么时候开始想的?that Imightbeready forbigger boobs.从我看到残酷的事实开始…Since whenSinceIhada cold,hard doseof reality...就是这个・你们看•你上了触碰杂志from this.hearts;hearts;你透过它看到事实?-Look.-Youre inIn Touchmagazine对他们票选出史密斯是头号大帅哥And thatsyour sourceof reality他们跟hearts;着他全城跑Yes,they namedSmith Jerrodthe numberone hotguy towatch,我经常在照片里出现they followedhim allover townforaweek.那是我星期三的咪咪Im inhalf thepictures.See,hearts;hearts;你看到它们有多小了吗?there aremy boobsonWednesday.。