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欲望城市(性爰专家凯莉布雷萧并且勇于发问)“非原罪”hearts;hearts;没有男朋友时最可怕的噩梦…就是你必须写篇The worstthing aboutnot being in a relationship...关于你跟男朋友的专栏is when your jobis towrite about还记得那个爱穿凉鞋的男人beingin arelationship.凉鞋小子蓝达尔吗?Remember thatguy whowore sandals我们约会过几次Randall thesandal guy那是六年前的事吧?We wenton acouple ofdates•你想说什么?-他叫蓝达尔?Like sixyears ago不对我已经肠枯思竭了姐妹们-Yeah.Is thatanything-His namewas Randallhearts;hearts;hearts;上星期我在专栏里提到No,but Imscraping thebottom of the barrelhere,ladies.我在寻找完美的薯条Last weekI wroteabout mysearch・我看了•真的很可爰for theperfect frenchfry.薯条-Ooh,I sawthat.-It wascute.你没看我的专栏吗?Uh-huh,french fries.我不是每次都有空看你的专栏You didntread it,did you好吧I dontalways havetime toread yourcolumn.连我的朋友都觉得我的文章写得烂Huh.Okay,then.我每星期都会看Wow,even myfriends findme irrelevant.Hey,I readit everyweek.你的乳房上已经挂了个小男孩了hearts;hearts;hearts;太棒了You have a littleman hangingfrom yourbreast.你一定会喜欢的Yay!她写的证词哲学I thinkyoull reallyenjoy it.帮助我克服了许多负面的想法Her philosophyof writtenaffirmations不has helpedme letgo ofnegative thoughts.这家伙不行Oh,no.他是秃子Oh,not thisguy.他的头太大了No,he*s balding.你还是有很多负面想法Hes gota bighead.天啊他往这边走过来了So you still havesome negativethoughts.别抬头Oh,my God,hes comingover here.你不是〃纽约星报〃的凯莉布雷萧吗?Dont,dont lookup.贾比你好Arent youCarrie Bradshawfrom TheNew YorkStar你们认识?Oh,Gabe,hey!他是我的编辑You twoknow eachother这位是贾比曼宁Yeah,this ismy editor.你好我是夏洛特This isGabe Manning.我很高兴能遇见你Oh,hi!Im Charlotte.因为你都不回我电话了Hi.Tm gladI raninto you,我知hearts;hearts;道since apparentlyyou dontreturn yourcalls anymore.但我正在为下一篇专栏找灵感Yeah,I know,I know.我想它一定会超级有趣跟性感But I am justnow researchingmy nextcolumn.r我们坐在这里想知道一百个男人中有多少男人And I think its going to besuper funand sexy.是我们想上床的对象.・・See,we sithere,and wepick howmany menout of100hearts;hearts;凯莉没有人想知道你要跟多少男人上床we wouldwant tosleep with...hearts;hearts;我们是周刊Carrie,no ones asking you to fuckevery guyin town.不我们并没有…Were onlya weeklypaper.我一直想联络上你No,ha!We dontactually sleepwith...清水出版社的编辑打电话给我The reasonIve beentrying to get intouch withyou...hearts;hearts;他们想把你的专栏辑录成书I know,and...an editorfrom Clearwater Press called.我跟写这些专栏的女作家They*re interestedin turningyour columnsinto a book.一起喝〃四海为家”Im having a Cosmopolitanwith thewoman如果能找到男人就好了who wroteabout Cosmopolitans.没办法找到好男人的困扰Now,if onlyI couldfind a man.你考虑过拿它来作题材吗?Trouble findinga man.好点子Have youever consideredwriting about that我该去拿支笔过来Oh,that*s agreat idea!隔天晚上我跟出版商见面Let meget apen.莉莉马丁跟柯特妮麦斯特森The nextnight,I metwith publishingpowerhouses,说真的凯莉这实在是太棒了Lily Martin and CourtneyMasterson.Seriously,Carrie,this issuch athrill.清水出版社的人都很喜欢看你的专栏我的天我不会那么做All ofus atClearwaterPressread yourcolumn religiously.我把“十种该避免的男人”贴在冰箱上Oh,God,I don*t evendo that.但那跟看“凯西〃漫画不一样I evenhave theone onTen Mento Avoidon myrefrigerator.•我讨厌那玩意-我也是But notin thaticky Cathycomic kindof away.总之我预料这本书会大卖-Oh,God,no,I hatethat shit.-Me too.hearts;hearts;红透半边天Anyway,I predictthis bookwill behuge.那是…Huge.为什么?And thats…因为很多单身女郎都渴望看这样的书Why在你面前就有两个我跟她Because thereare somany single women desperatefor somethinglike this.你可以从已完成的众多专栏中挑选And yourelooking attwo of them.One,two.有些内容不必放进书里And thegood newsis youalready havean incredibleinventory ofcolumns tochoose from.比如关于薯条的那篇专栏And somewe donthave toinclude.就不适合贴在冰箱上吧?Like thatlast oneon frenchfries.基本来说我们希望在That didntmake thefridge,did it圣诞节也就是光明节时上市Basically,we want to fast-track it你可以挑选到篇专栏and getit on the shelvesby Christmas,slash,the JewishHanukkahs.2530然后写一篇简介And youcan pickand choosethe columns,about25or
30.Then,you justhave towrite anintroduction以及感谢名单你是说…and adedication toclarify thetone of the book.你是什么意思?So you mean...我们要传达什么样的讯息?What do youmean我可以选出我最喜欢的专栏?You know,whats themessage1没错但这真的行得通吗?Just...Here are my favoritecolumns凯莉布雷萧是乐观主义者还是悲观主义者?Um,yes,but alsois ithopeful你有什么看法?Is CarrieBradshaw an optimist or a pessimist在经历了分手失望Yeah,whats yourpoint ofview跟火车意外后You know,after allthe breakups and thedisappointments,你还是相信他的存在对吗?and thetrain wrecks,还是说我们该开枪自尽?youstill believe hes out there,right不没错Or shouldwe justshoot ourselvesnow应该行得通No,yes.老实说我不确定自己相信什么Hopeful.但我愤世嫉俗的一边告诉我乐观看法会渎山更多的书To behonest,I wasntsure whatI believed.hearts;hearts hearts;hearts;But我的好朋友将成为畅销女作家my cynicalside suspectedoptimism...would sellmore books.My best friend isgoing to be apublished author.那真的太棒了我觉得很高兴;我不知道我喜欢自己迟钝的样子Its sofabulous it even makes me morefabulous.我安于现况实际上很多人I dont know.I thinkI enjoybeing slightlyunder theradar.包括礼品公司都没有看过我的专栏I takecomfort in the factthat manypeople,hearts;hearts;我会等着精装书上市present companyincluded,dont eversee my column.hearts;hearts;希望它会非常地轰动Well,Im waitinguntil itscoming outin hardback.就像我犯过的错误一样I hopeits bigand glossy.你鼓励这样的事?Like mymistakes.快去做吧Is this really something you encourage报纸没搞头了现在是书的天下Doit!有名的人都写书Newspaper isout,it*s allabout books.好吧我不确定你的意思Everyone whosanyone has abook.因为我被一枚钻戒弄得分心了Okay,Tm notsure whatyou justsaid,让我看一下because I was temporarilyblinded bya pieceof jewelry.这是理查送我的Let mesee that!我想这是他的道歉礼物It*s fromRichard.如果他再伤你一次你会得到什么?I think its hisway ofsaying Tm sorry.■希望之星?-没错Wow,what doyou getif ithappens again“希望那个混蛋别再伤我心钻戒-The HopeDiamond-Thats whatthis is.hearts;hearts;显然我们都把痛苦抛在脑后了The hopethat fuckerdoesnt breakmy heartagain diamond.那晚我开始思索信念的问题Evidently,we wereboth turningour paininto gold.That night,I startedto thinkabout belief.或许年过三十的人不应该太乐观或许悲观才比较适合日常生活Maybe its not evenadvisable to be anoptimist afterthe ageof
30.就跟保湿面霜一样Maybe pessimismis somethingwe have to startapplying daily,否则当信念被现实击倒like moisturizer.爱无法如梦想中般征服一切时你该怎么办?Otherwise,how doyou bounceback whenreality battersyour beliefsystem;希望是让我们死去的毒药and lovedoes not,as promisedconquer all还是让我们继续活下去的力量?Is hopea drugwe need to go off of,信念有什么杀伤力呢?or is it keepingus alive如果你想让爱进入你的生命里每天重复你的证词Whats theharm inbelieving打开心胸Repeat your affirmations dailyif youwant to let loveinto yourlife.呼吸爰的气息Open yourself.(我相信爱)Breathe in the possibilityof love.恐惧不是爰是时候放开你的恐惧What is not love...is fear.去拥抱你的梦想Its time toletgoofyour fears米兰达不是教徒但她更改了她的信仰and embraceyour dreams.hearts;hearts;她找到一间很适合她的教堂Miranda stillwasnt abeliever,还有一套她穿得下的套装but herfaith wasrenewed whenshe founda churchthat seemed to suither,我站在雨中等你and asuit thatseemedtofit her.我知道你说十点四十五分Fm waitingin therain!・没错•这都是我的错对不起I know,I know.You said10:
45.他没有跟她来-Yeah...-Its myfault.Tmsorry.我知道我说过她或许把他Hes notwith her.•交给护士照顾—这位是我妈Yeah,I know,I toldyou that shed probablyleave him妈她是米兰达with the baby nurse...this ismy ma.布莱迪太太很高兴见到你Ma,Miranda.请叫我玛莉Hi,Mrs.Brady.So niceto meetyou.你长得好漂亮No,Mary,please.我本来想换上最好的洋装Oh,youre sofancy.但干洗店十点才开门I wanted to wearmy nice dress,我好希望你带布莱迪来but the dry cleanersdoesnt openuntil10:
00.我还没有见过他I washoping that youd bringlittle Brady史蒂夫给了我他的照片since I haven*t seenhim yet.我一直把它放在皮夹里Well,you know,Stevie gaveme apicture照片有点折痕Ive beencarrying aroundin mywallet.我应该把它放在相框里的Its a little creased.我在电话公司影印照片I shouldhave put it ina frame.hearts;hearts;hearts;hearts;让我部门里的同事都能看看他大家都说他长得像我I Xeroxedit at the phonecompany我在受洗仪式中能见到他吧and everyonein mydivision saidhelooks likeme.So Ellsee himattheceremony.谢谢你邀请我参加毕竟你不是天主教徒也不想举行受洗仪式Im justgrateful to be included,hearts;hearts;especially sinceI knowyou arentCatholic hearts;hearts;但一想到宝宝会在地狱中遭到焚身之苦…and youdidnt want to havea christening.妈But theidea of this littlebaby burningin hell...好吧Ma!Ma.我只是说…All right!All right.我的大儿子杰奇他的宝宝出生两星期就死了Im justsaying...我们还是很难过My oldestson,Jackie,had ababy whodied.Two weeksold.他太太是黑人Were stillreeling.她不怎么友善His wifeis black.她以为我歧视她但我没有Shes notvery friendly.我没有Thinks Ihaveaproblem withher,but I don*t.听着或许神父…I dont.不需要知道你们没有结婚Listen,maybe the priest...我们不想骗神父妈doesnt needto knowyou arentgetting married.你现在倒成了虔诚的教徒Were notlying tothepriest,Ma.hearts;hearts;你好Now yourereligious.你是霍布斯吗?-Hello.-Oh!没错我们通过电话Are youthe Hobbespartyhearts;hearts;Yes,we spokeonthephone.我是安德鲁神父请进抱歉我们迟到了Im FatherAndrew.Come oninside.你好神父我是玛莉布莱迪Im sorrywere late.皇后区圣安格尼斯教堂的教徒Hello,Father.Tm MaryBrady.hearts;hearts;他们没有结婚I go to St.Agnes inQueens.她喝醉了吗?Theyre not getting married.没有她只喝了几杯啤酒Is shedrunk我不希望提起宝宝是天主教徒No,just acouple beers.hearts;hearts;也不要提起原罪I dontwant the baby referredto asCatholic.或远离撒旦No originalsin.那不是因为她相信撒旦No renouncingof Satan.她只是…不想提起他Its notthat she*safan of Satan.事实上不要提起撒旦魔鬼Its justthatshe doesnt want to...talk abouthim.米兰达很讶异神父那么好沟通In fact,no mentionofSatan,the devil.但实际在不景气的时候Miranda wassurprised thepriest wasso flexible,天主教会就跟绝望的三十六岁女人一样but thetruth is,in thesetroubled times,他们愿意安于手边能抓到的东西the Catholicchurch islike adesperate36-year-old singlewoman,你说要出门买衣服时willing tosettle foranything itcan get....Christs ownforever.hearts;hearts;我没想到你要这么做This isnot whatI hadin mind相信我我比你还觉得无聊when youasked ifI wanted to godress shopping.他要受洗穿上礼服Believe me,Im lessthrilled thanyou.宝宝的处女秀He hastogetbaptized and wear adress.hearts;hearts;这是项非常奇怪的传统Babys firstdrag show.我都不想说了It*savery oddtradition.重点是要洗清小宝宝的罪Oh,dont evenget mestarted.宝宝纯真地来到这个世界上Its allabout cleansingthis littlebaby ofhis sins,是我们污染了他们when,clearly,babies comeinto thisworld witha cleanslate,你是悲观主义者吧?and werethe onesthat fuckem up.我们认识吗?So,youre apessimist,right这是为了我的书我必须想清楚Have wemet我是乐观主义者还是悲观主义者Ifs formy book.Ihave to figureout我真的不知道if Fmanoptimistorapessimist,我不知道自己相信什么and I dont knowanymore.我也不知道我要办受洗仪式I dont know whatI believe.你怎么说服自己的?Well,neither doI,and Imhavinga baptism.我可以少帮他洗一次澡So howdoyourationalize that我会那么做是为了史蒂夫One lessbath Ihave togive him.他一直对我很好Mostly,Im doingit forSteve.我认识他三年了Hes beenpretty goodto me.直到昨天才见到他妈妈Ive knownhim forthree years,她长什么样子?and I didnt have to meethis motheruntil yesterday.想像史蒂夫戴假发喝醉了Whats shelike■好恶心•没错Imagine Steve,inawig,drunk.所以Yikes.-Yeah.你愿不愿意当布莱迪的教母?So...listen.真的吗?我需要做什么?How would you feelabout beingBradys godmother正式地来说.・・Really Whatwould I needtodo你要给宝宝提供心灵上的指引Officially...非正式地来说你要站在我旁边you providethebabywith spiritualguidance.你还能做什么事?Unofficially,you standup therewith me-吃东西-没有人跟我约会What elseare yougonna do他们会把我的专栏改名为…-Eat.-Pm ina datingdesert.“什么都没有城市”Theyre gonna havetochange the name of mycolumnto just...或许他们还会取消它...and the City.你上了公车广告Or theylljust cancelit.hearts;hearts;r编辑为什么要打电话给我?他从来不会打电话找我Youre onthe sideof abus,for Gods sake.hearts;hearts;hearts;hearts;Then没有人跟我做爱我要被开除了why didmy editorcall Henever calls.hearts;hearts;I amnotgetting laid,therefore,Tm gettinglaid off.你不会被开除莎曼珊我不知道你有没有看其他的报导Youre notgettinglaid off.现在是困难时期Samantha,I dontknow if you readthe restofthepaper,有工作的人的确会被开除but theseare troubledtimes.最近经济不景气很多人都会被开除People withreal jobsare gettinglaidoff.昨晚我开始写我的袜柜This isnot agood economyin whichto be...whipped cream.男人就跟袜子一样Last night,I actuallystarted writingabout mysock drawer.“袜子城市”Men assocks.1你们跟我得去找男人Hmm,Socks and theCity.•问题是根本就没有男人•有的I thinkyou and Ineedto gofind somemen.你们必须知道该去哪里找什么时候有空?-There are no men.Thats theproblem.-There aremen.不我不会为了找灵感跟男人鬼混You justhaveto know whereto lookfor them.When areyou free快去做爱吧别忘了跟我报告No,no.Tm nottrolling for men just to havesomething towrite about.让我有个人可以翻白眼hearts;hearts;你说什么?so Ihave somebodyto rollmy eyesat.我不知道心灵上的指引…What doyou say我们订了皇后区面包店的蛋糕I don*tknow.Spiritual guidance...放了很多糖跟厚厚的糖浆?And therescake.From somebakery inQueens!对或许还有鲜奶油Ah,the reallysugary kindwith thethick Whiteicing没问题Yeah,maybe evena buttercreamcross ontop.我愿意给他心灵指引跟吃蛋糕Oh,now youretalkin.那晚夏洛特拉我到信仰之泉去Spirituality,and cake!在场几乎都是女人That night,Charlotte draggedme tothe fountainof belief.很明显女人是“希望〃的主要市场It wasmostly women.欢迎你要不要抽一张证词?Apparently,women arethe mainmarket forhope.毫无疑问如果拒绝的话Welcome,wouldyoulike totake an affirmation我们会被踢出去Saying nowould probablyget usoff onthe wrongfoot,谢谢it beinganaffirmationand all.祝你玩得愉快Thanks.“我相信人性本善”Enjoy.太棒了你的证词写了什么?I believe in thegood inpeople.“我相信这是胡说八道”Thats nice.What doesyours say你要挖苦所有事情吗?“I believethis ishooey.我的脑筋没动得那么快Are yougoing to make funof everything你今天做了什么?No,Tm notthat quick.还是一样What did you dotoday帮我朋友的非婚生子Oh,the usual.挑选受洗仪式的礼服Helped picka christeninggownfor myfriends illegitimatebaby.我很高兴她决定举行受洗仪式hearts;hearts;她请我当孩子的教母Im sohappy shedecided todo abaptism.什么?She askedme tobe thegodmother.那没什么大不了的What那是大事Its nota bigdeal.那是很重大的责任It is a bigdeal.我知道很多朋友因此绝交Its ahuge responsibility.因为有人没办法尽到当教母的责任I knowpeople whosefriendships haveended你为什么会那么…because someonewas adisappointing godparent.你想当孩子的教母吗?Why areyou so...不Did youwant tobe thegodmother知道这世界上还有神圣的事并不可怕No!我真的.・・I justthinkitwouldnt killyou toacknowledge thatsome thingsare sacred.我们别说话了I doacknowledge...-是吗?殳错♦We*re nottalking.好吧-Were not-No!我们可以说话了吗?Okay.你要跟我说话时通知我一声Are wetalking yet我相信这会是漫长的一夜Okay,let meknow when were talking.我相信我们是这里唯一的正常人I believethis isgoing tobe avery longevening.I believewe arethe onlynormal peoplehere.我相信夏洛特是个好人她不管我的想法拉我来这里I believe in thegood inCharlotte,事实上我只想待在家里抱着负面想法哭泣who draggedme hereagainst mywill宝宝的礼服长什么样子?when I wantedtostay homeand justbe negative.两个人What doesthe gownlook like我知道你想让我难过Table fortwo.但我得告诉你这燃起了我熊熊的欲火I knowyoure tryingto makeme feelbad,hearts;hearts;这边请but I gotta tell you,that turnsme on.谢谢Right thisway.我们没事吧?Thank you.没事Are weokay我差点忘了Oh,we*re fine.星期天你要跟我一起参加米兰达的受洗仪式Oh,I almostforgot.它会花掉你整天的时间既无聊又乏味Youre goingto Mirandasbaptism withme Sunday.几点开始?rItll be all day.It llbe boring.It*llbemandatory.两点What time你会再那么做吗?2:
00.不会Are yougoingtodo the...thing again你呢?No.莎曼珊我爱你Are youSamantha.I loveyou.虽然他看起来像是改过自新了莎曼珊还没有准备好原谅他Although heappeared tohave reformed,你相信自己是个值得爱的人爱才会来到你身边Samantha wasntready toforgive hissin.与此同时过了一个小时听了二十个证词后…Love willcome toyou onlywhenyoutruly believeyou deserveit.爱能够提升你Meanwhile,an hourand20affirmations later...恐惧令你沮丧Love willraise youup.只有爰才是真的Fear willpull youunder.好的请站起来说Only loveisreal.我想谢谢你雪莉Yes,stand rightup.这些证词对我非常有效Yes...I justwantedtothank you,Cheryl,我祈祷爱的出现我相信爱because theaffirmations havereally workedfor me.上星期我坠入爱河I prayedfor love.I believedin love...他是个完美仁慈乐于奉献的男人And lastweek,I fellin love.现在我知道我值得他那么做And hesperfect,and kind,and giving,谢谢你and Inow knowthat Ideserve that,谢谢自己吧你办到了so thank you.那真的是很棒吧?Thank yourself.You didit.是啊Isnt thatinspiring还有人想说说自己的感觉吗?-Yeah.Yeah.你有话要说吗?Anyone else不・・・Yes,didyouwanttosay something是的我一直在想…Oh,no,I...我一直在想那个女人花了多少时间去相信那些证词Yes.Hi.I waswondering...因为我每天不断地想着我的证词然后・・・Im justwondering howlong thatwoman wasdoing heraffirmations我想相信它但什么事都没有发生because Ive been doingmine everyday,and...并且・・・I wantto believe,but nothingis happening.我不认为这个方法行得通And...它应该对我没有效果I justdont thinkits working,我听到了恐惧跟怀疑I justdont thinkit willwork for,for me.你必须相信爱才能接受爱I hearfear.I heardoubt.继续背诵你的证词你的心会追上你的理智You haveto believelove to receive love.但是有一件事Keep repeatingyouraffirmationsand eventually,your heartwill catchup withyour head.我真的找到了爱Thats thething though.我相信白马王子真的存在I didfind love.我终于遇见了他I believedthat therewas someoneout thereforme,我们举行了盛大的婚礼and Imet him,finally.hearts;hearts;之后一切都变了And wehad abeautiful wedding.我很担心…And theneverything justfell apart.And Imworried...我害怕他会让我无法再去相信我恨他因为以前的我相信爱现在我觉得…Im afraidthat hetook awaymy abilityto believe.And Ihate himfor thatbecause Ialways believedbefore.很迷惑And now,I justfeel...我试着走出去但…lost.我觉得很无助And I am,Im tryingto putmyself out there,but...或许你还没有真的走出去I feelhopeless.不她真的走出去了shesPerhaps youre not reallyputting yourselfout there.不论是在心理上或是在生理上No,out there.或许你没有用实际的方法来寻找爱I meanemotionally,and physically.或许你没有努力Maybe yourenot lookingfor loveina real way.或许你没有真的走出去Maybe yourenot reallytrying.相信我Maybe yourenot reallyoutthere.她走出去了星期天下午我们齐聚一堂在一座小教堂里举行受洗Believe me,she*soutthere.仪式戴着头花的小姐Sunday afternoon,we allgathered forabaptismhearts;hearts;inthelittle churchthat would.史蒂夫告诉我你是教母Hey,you,with theflower thing.我是教父Steve tellsme thatyoure thegodmother.我是史蒂夫的二堂哥派崔克Im thegodfather.你写出了好故事吗?Steves secondcousin,Patrick.小布莱迪让我们齐聚一堂Make agood story,huh天啊Little Bradybrought ustogether.有人跟史蒂夫没有亲戚关系-Oh!-Yay!我没有冒犯的意思派崔克Someone whoisnt relatedto Steve.No offense,Patrick.也没有人在乎你来了None taken.-待会见大美人-好吧-Hey!-Hey.Hi.这件洋装很漂亮Ill checkyou later...gator.-Okay.我不要布莱迪抢走我的光彩Its anicedress.我想你宝宝的教父Well,I didntwant Bradyto showme up.用劣质古龙水帮自己受洗了布莱迪的教母邀请了Ah,by theway,I thinkyour babysgodfather baptizedhimself摩莉麦奎尔店里的客人with somebad cologne.Yeah,well,Bradys grandmotherinvited thefolks我知道你必须面对from MollyMaguires.那些醉鬼跟臭虫我必须告诉你一件事Well,I knowyouve gotyour handsfullwith thedrunk andthe skunk,我穿这件洋装看起来很胖?but Ihavetotellyousomething.不你看起来很漂亮Fm toofat tobe wearingthis,arent I有问题的人是我No,oh,no,you lookbeautiful.你确定我是当教母的料?No,it*sme...你应该挑个更有母爱的人吧?Are yousure thatIamgodmother material不我喜欢没有母爱的你Shouldnt youmaybe picksomeone abit...more maternal我想说的是No,I likethatyou*renot.这是一份重责大任Well...heres thething.我不知道自己的未来是什么This issuch anawesome responsibility.Idon*tknowmy ownview ofthe future.我觉得是一个充满怨气的人你不觉得我很愤世嫉俗吗?IthinkIm possiblyone baddate awayfrom bitter.跟我比起来你逊色多了Dont youthink thatIm gettinga littlecynical凯莉你是我最好的朋友Not comparedto me.好吧夏洛特很想当宝宝的教母Carrie,you*remybestfriend.我想她会做得比我好Okay,but justso you know,Charlottes dyingfor thejob我不知道我相不相信这回事and Ithink shedprobably bebetter atit.但我相信你I dontknow ifI believe in anyofthis,我要你当我孩子的教母but I believeinyou.我把帽子弄得很漂亮Iwantyoutobe my babys godmother.谁希望孩子进行受洗圣礼?Well...I didspring for the hat.我们Who presentsthis childtoreceivethe sacramentof baptism“让他有好奇聪明的心”-We do.-We do.“有乐观坚持的勇气Give himan inquiringand discerningheart,跟爰的力量”the courageto willand topersevere,“以及快乐幸福的人生a spiritto love,我们以主之名祈祷”andthegift ofjoy andwonder.上帝请听听我们的祈祷In theLord*s namewe pray.“在受洗时我们用你赐的圣水Lord,hear ourprayer.也是你富庶的象征In baptism,we useyour giftof water“你赐给我们的恩慈来为宝宝受洗〃which youhave madea richsymbol“经由它你带领以色列的子民走过奴役苦难”ofthegrace yougive usin thissacrament.“经由它我们得以重生〃Through ityou ledthe childrenof Israelout oftheir bondage.全世界的圣水还不够洗清你的罪恶Through itwe arereborn.布莱迪There isn*t enoughholy waterinthe world tocleanse you.我以上帝Brady,以耶稣I baptizeyou inthenameoftheFather,以圣灵的名义给你施洗and ofthe Son,阿门and ofthe HolySpirit.我不禁希望Amen.圣水能洗净我天生愤世嫉俗的原罪I couldnthelp buthope他是你见过最美得要命的天主教徒吧the waterwould washaway someofmyoriginal cynicism.hearts;hearts;抱歉神父但他真的可爱得要命Isnt thisthe mostbeautiful goddamnCatholic youveever seen亲爱的恭喜你Oh,sorry,Father,but hesa cutefuckin*kid.我什么都没做Honey,congratulations.你让我走进了教堂Oh,I didntdo anything.好漂亮的宝宝Well,you gotmetoa church.谢谢你Beautiful baby.说真的我很害怕Oh,thank you.And justfortherecord,Ididget scared.好吧随便你谢谢你赶过来Okay,whatever.他真的很会装Thanks forcoming.我不知道Hes sucha player.或许他们两个会有结果I dontknow.1那晚我努力地养育我的宝宝我呕心沥血写出来的书Maybe things!!work outbetween them.献给所有充满希望的女人That night,I dedicatedmybaby,my book,特别是・・・to hopefulsinglewomeneverywhere.我的好朋友夏洛特And onein particular...她永远都那么地乐观my goodfriend Charlotte,永远都相信爱the eternaloptimist,who alwaysbelieves inlove.除非你保证不怀孕不然我绝不做爰You peoplego havesex,report back.hearts;hearts;想不怀孕的话用保险套吧I canonly helpifyouwanttowrite aboutbabyproofing.需要我效劳吗?PH tellyou howto babyproof,use acondom.我要蔬菜泥跟全麦面包What canI getyou我要薯条Id likethe veggiescramble andwheat toast.或许我可以把它当成男人Fil havean orderof fries.丹佛蛋卷跟薯饼谢谢Maybe fllmake ita two-parter.我要新鲜水果盘我跟理查重修旧好fd likethe Denveromelet andhash browns,thankyou.ril havethe fruitplate,and Imback withRichard.我们一直想杀掉的那个理查?或许好男人全死光了Richard,whose deathweve beenplotting我听完了他想说的话…Wow,maybe therearenomen.我从来没有认识过像你这样的女人I finallyagreed tolisten towhat hehad tosay and...我心里觉得很害怕Ive neverknown anyonelike you,Samantha.他会害怕?I was in overmy head...and I got scared.那无法解释…He gotscared从你口中说出那种r话Well,that doesnt excusethe...真的太令人震惊了Okay,that,coming fromyou,我害怕时会躲在被窝里is almostas disturbingas thenews itself.而不是别人的双腿之间I getscared,I hideunder thecovers,你曾经享受过那种滋味not betweensomebodys legs.你一定还有机会的Perhaps youhad tobe there.所以他不再害怕Perhaps youregonnahavetobethere aroundthe clock要男人承认自己害怕不是件容易的事1to makesure he doesnt getscared again.他们会因为坦承自己的感觉而得到嘉奖吗?You know,being scaredisnotan easything foramanto admit.我们整天都在做相同的事So what,they get a medalfor correctlyidentifying afeeling我觉得好生气We dothat allday long.别跟他复合I feelpissed off.我不是白痴D.N.R.Do notresuscitate.hearts;hearts;Im notan idiot.我知道作为女人我觉得理查是个有魅力又成功的男人I understand,asawoman oftheworld,只要有美人走过他面前that Richardisavery charismaticand successfulman.他就会跌倒…And aninteresting pussymight crosshis pathnow andthen.那只是性And hemight fall...Into it或许那是个缺点你知道吗And ifhedoes,its justsex.没有人是完美的That mightbeaflaw inhim,but youknow what有些女人甚至没办法让老公去干洗店拿衣服Nobodys perfect.你拿去干洗店拿衣服来比较...Some womencan*tevenget theirhusbands to pick upthedrycleaning.夏洛特说话You*re comparingnot wantingtopickup drycleaning with...我知道他爱我我相信他后悔了-Charlotte,do thething.-No!我也相信他会努力的Look,I knowhe lovesme,Ibelievehes sorry,那是你的选择我们应该尊重你的决定and Ibelieve helltry hisbest.这能拿来写专栏吗?Well,then thatsyour choiceand we should allrespect it.“什么都相信的绝望女人”Now,how aboutthis fora column隔天两个绝望的父母绞尽脑汁Desperate womenwho willbelieve anything.避免他们的孩子被吓到The nextday,two parentscovered outlets我一直在想…to preventtheir babyfrom gettingshocked.或许我们该让布莱迪受洗I wasthinking...对成年人来说那么做无法确保任何东西Maybe wewanttoget Bradybaptized.我们都不会上教堂For grown-ups,there isno suchsafeguard.我知道但那是项传统Neither ofus evengoes tochurch!我受洗了我父亲爷爷Yeah,I knowthat.But it*s tradition.跟其他家人都受洗了You know,I wasbaptized,my father,my fathersfather.那对我妈来说意义重大Everybody inmy familygets baptized,youknow.你妈?And itwould reallymean alot tomy ma.嘘Your ma我们约会时你没提过你有妈妈Shh.这是我第一次听到你提起她You nevereven hada motherwhenwewere goingout!你还说要帮他举行宗教仪式这跟宗教或上帝无关This isthe firstIve everheard ofyour mother,hearts;hearts;and clearly,you arejust trottingher outtomakea casefor religion.r这么做是以防万一Its not about religion.It snotaboutGod.这样宝宝就不会坠入地狱的边境了Its justsomethingyoudo incase/*你根本不知道那是什么意思so thebaby dontend upin limbo.我知道You donteven knowwhat thatmeans.那是什么?Idoso!在那里宝宝会到处乱飞他们没有身体So whatisit脖子上长出了翅膀Its aplace wherebabies flyaround withoutbodies,听起来我们好像要担心一下just wingsunder theirneck.布莱迪甚至不会爬Yeah,that soundslike somethingweshouldworry about.你就在公寓里到处贴防撞护条Brady isnteven crawlingyet,hearts;hearts;但是你却不愿意让神父帮他洒洒水and youvegot usbaby-proofing everyinch ofthis apartment!避免他坠入地狱中?But youwont letsomeone sprinklea littlewater米兰达不相信地狱on hishead sohedoesntgotohell虽然她正身处地狱中Miranda didnt believeinhell,那就是我不想跟你扯上关系的原因except thehell she wasinright now.我为什么要举行那种仪式This iswhy Iwas worriedabout havingyou involved.hearts;hearts;让你妈妈感到开心?Why shouldIgothrough somestupid ceremony那真的很棒justtomake yourma happy大家都可以看到宝宝还可以吃蛋糕Its nice.有人会包红包给宝宝Everybody seesthebaby.You havecake.办个派对有什么不好的?Some peoplegive youmoney.我不相信What*s wrongwith littleBrady havingalittleparty如果你不相信…I dont believeinit.那只是在宝宝的头上洒洒水而已在市区里莎曼珊的信心动摇If youdontbelieve,了我朋友不相信你ifs justwater onthe kidshead.Downtown,Samanthas faithwas faltering.我在跟你的朋友约会吗?My friendsdon*tbelieveyou.根据过往经历我不能相信你Am Idating your friends她们有什么问题?With yourtrack record,I wouldntputitpast you.这就是他们的问题What exactlyseems tobe theirproblem我们谈过了This...is theirproblem.米兰达认为那是胡说八道We talkedaboutthat.如果有个辣妹走过你身边Yeah,and Mirandathinks itsbullshit.怎么样你才不会害怕?Whats tostop youfrom gettingscared她真的很想知道every timea hotwoman walksby...我不在乎她们在想什么She wantedtoknow.我爱你Well,I dontgive ashit whatyourfriendsthink.我有东西要送你I loveyou.除非米兰达不准我这么做And Ivegot somethingfor you.现在轮到莎曼珊要害怕了Unless Mirandawouldnt approve.别担心我不是要你戴在那根手指上Now,it wasSamantha*s turntobescared.是这根才对Dont worry,itsnotfor thatfinger.你抛弃我的时候至少我还留下一点纪念品Its forthis one.就是这个鲜黄钻石钻戒So whenyou flipme off,ID havesomething shinyto lookat.“我不会偷腥一害怕就吃东西〃戒指There itwas.A canarydiamond,莎曼珊不确定她是在天堂…Fll-try-not-to-cheat-and-eat-when-rm-scared ring.或是在地狱的边境Samantha wasntsure ifshewasin heaven...同时很明显我处于地狱中or limbo.(男人跟袜子一样有些男人是艾格利袜子)Meanwhile,Iwasclearly inhell.(有些是安全袜这个专栏烂透了)(你一定会被开除)那天下午夏洛特跟我去钓男人他挺可爱的That afternoon,Charlotte andI wenttrolling for men.我们在玩百分之一的机会Hey,hes kindacute.那就像是在寻找都市里的单身男人We wereplaying One-One Hundred,看着每个走向你的男人which islike aroad tripgame forurban singles.计算一下在一百个男人中你想跟多少男上床You watchthe mencoming yourdirectionhearts;hearts;四十六个男人中我看中八个你的成绩如何?and yousee howmany outof100youd sleepwith.三十二个男人全被我淘汰了Eight outof
46.Where areyou溜狗的那个男人呢?Zero,
32.我不喜欢养腊肠狗的男人Zero Whatabout theguy withthe dog他们应付不了真正的狗也无法应付真正的女人I dontlike dachshundsformen.-他长得很帅-那是另一回事了Cant handlea realdog,cant handlearealwoman.长得太帅的男人-But hewas gorgeous.-That*s anotherthing.床上功夫通常不怎么样因为他们不必表现得太好Men whoare toogood-looking,三十五个男人全被我淘汰了theyre nevergood inbed,because theynever hadtobe.你全都看不上眼?Zero,
35.他们是同性恋None ofthem这只是幻想游戏They weregay!一定有男人能激起你的性幻想It*s imaginary!你太挑剔了There mustbe someonein GramercyPark thatyoud haveimaginary sexwith.Youre beingtoo picky.你是爱意淫的荡妇hearts hearts;我才不是Youre animaginary whore.我们才吃完开胃菜你就跟八个男人上过床了Iamnot.你应该跟我一起去参加下周You haveslept witheight men,andwehave onlyhad appetizers.雪莉葛瑞森博士的研讨会You shouldcome withme nextweek我之前去过那真的能激励人心to Dr.Cheryl Graysonsseminar.你该好好找出问题跟答案Ivebeenbefore andits reallyinspiring.另外她换了新发型听说看起来很不错And therestime forquestions andanswers.我为什么要那么做?Plus,she hasa newhaircut,andIhear it*s verycute.因为…你变得愤世嫉俗Why wouldIgoto that所以我不想去那里Because…youre becomingcynical.那就像〃第二十二条军规Thats whyI wouldntgo.r或许你能找到写作的灵感Its kindof acatch-22,isn tit帮我报名吧You mightgetacolumn outof it.Ugh,sign meup.。