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欲望城市(性爰专家凯莉布雷萧并且勇于发问)“男男女女hearts;hearts;据说纽约人是以冷漠出名的nhearts;hearts;事实上是因为我们见怪不怪了Its beensaid thatNew Yorkersare themost jadedpeople in the world.没有多少事情能使我们震惊The factis,weve prettymuch doneand seenit all.所以当夏洛特说她办的新展览时It takesquite abit toshock us.会吓我们一跳Which iswhy whenCharlotte saidthe newshow ather gallery我们其实不以为然would totallyblow usaway,说真的那是个女人?we tookit with the proverbialgrain ofsalt.这是摄影家巴尔强森最新的展览取名为Seriously.Thats a woman“变装国王当假象遇上真实〃It was the latestinstallation fromthe photographer,Baird Johnson,entitled,没错那是个女人“the Collisionof Illusionand Reality.,看看那肿胀的胯下真是令人震惊Yep.Thats thewoman.在朱立安尼勒令关闭前赶快欣赏Look at that bulge.Its shocking.你觉得怎么样?Yeah,I know.Hurry upand lookbefore Giulianishuts it down.太棒了恭喜你亲爰的So,what do you guysthink女扮男装现在很流行Its amazing.Congratulations,sweetie.我以为过气了You know,women dressinglike menis verypopular rightnow.谁知道它其实很简单And here I thoughtit wasPokemon.只要粘上鬓角裤裆里塞袜子就行了Who knewit wasthis easy这袜子还真有看头All ittakes issome stick-on sideburnsand a sock inyour pants.Thats somesock.我找琼斯太太Yeah是小姐Im looking for Mrs.Jones我来应征助理Its Miss.请进Im herefor theassistant job.莎曼珊五分钟后雇用了麦特Well,please,come in.她是办公室里的男人Samantha hiredMatt fiveminutes later.不过可以再让出一个位子She mayhave beenthe manof theoffice,与此同时在市中心but shefigured shecould alwaysmake roomfor one more.夏洛特需要一点帮助Meanwhile,downtown,有人很勤奋工作Charlotte couldhave usedsome helpherself.巴尔Someones beingindustrious.我没听到你进来Oh,Baird,hi.我在隔壁本来想过来吓你一跳I didnt,I didnthear youcome in.我是来拿支票的I was in theneighborhood,so Ithought Idcome byand scare the shit out of you.・这里-谢谢Pick upmy checkfor thepieces Isold.还有一件事我想了很久-Here.-Thanks.我想帮你摄影Oh,theres somethingelse.Tve been thinking aboutthis.I wouldlove tohave youpose forme.扮成男人?你一定会很棒的As...a man我不这么认为Yeah.Youd begreat.为什么不?No.I dont think so.我不是…Why not模特儿?Well,Im not,yknow...不男人婆What,a model你一定会惊讶自己的夏洛特No,butch.每个女人内心都有一个男人Youd besurprised,Charlotte.甚至是你Every womanhas amale insideof her.不我不可能Even you.我数理很差No,not me.连换轮胎都不会Im reallybad atmath,让我帮你摄影and I cant changea tireto savemy life.我把那个他唤出来Pose forme.男人一点Ell getitout ofyou.次晚西恩带我到一家Cmon,be aman.我还没听过的新俱乐部The nextnight,Sean tookme toa clubso new这地方叫什么名字?even I hadnt heardof it.Whats thename of this place“毛”就像那出歌舞剧Hair.hearts;就像你头上的东西Like themusical你太酷了Like thestuff onyour head.你太可爱Oh,youre toocool forme.r吻了十秒钟之后我差点忘了Youre toocute forme.他性向不明Ten secondsof makingout and I couldalmost forget直到我们停下来Sean*s lackof sexualorientation...所以你在看哪一个?until westopped kissing.男生还是女生?Okay,mister,who youchecking out凯莉我在找洗手间The guyor thegirl抱歉Carrie,I waslookingfor the bathroom.你是双性恋这件事Sorry,sorry!一直困扰着我Sorry,this whole,uh,this wholebisexual thing,你跟男人女人都交往过its just,its kindathrowing me for aloop.等下You know,youve beenwith men,youVe beenwith women...你在看那个男人吗?Wait,seriously.凯莉我在看你Were youjust lookingatthatguy我跟你在一起Carrie,Tm lookingat you.Im withyou.我“煞到”你“煞至广又变流行语了?I digyou.“真水”也是Oh,dig isin again你也是Yeah,and sois groovy.”你不是同志?And yourethat,too.不是So youre not gay.我谈过三段认真的感情Im notgay.一次是跟男人而已这就是我Ive beenin threemajor relationships.一个小时后西恩上了我的床One happenedto be a guy,okay Thats just me.这就是我An hour later,Sean wasin mybed.很棒的公寓Thats justme.hearts;hearts;谢谢是租的Nice floor.•怎么了?•没什么Ah,thanks.Its arental.告诉我不然我就再拖你去溜冰-What-Nothing.我比男人会接吻吗?Tell meor Filmake yougo skatingagain.你是我见过最会接吻的Do Ikiss betterthan aguy我呢?Better thanany Ivekissed.前百分之二How boutme还可以接受Top twopercent.要是有一个英俊的男子向你走来Ill takethat.对街又有一个漂亮的女生So ifthere wasthis reallygood-looking guywalking towardsyou,・你会…-凯莉拜托你and acrossthe streetwas areally beautifulgirl,你能不能不要强调性别?-which onewould you...-Hey,Carrie,cmon.不是是因为你Could youstop makingthis allabout sex我为你疯狂Its not,yknow.Its about the person.You.你的味道Im crazyabout you.你上唇尝起来的滋味The wayyou smell...或许“性”不是一切The wayyour upperlip tastes...但至少接下来的两个小时是It maynot have been allabout sex,我不是唯一一个喜欢年轻男子的人but it was forthe nexttwo hours.听好I wasntthe onlyone withthoughts ofyounger menon thebrain.我们已经找你上司三次了No,you listento me.我不会再留言了好吗Weve calledyour bossthree timesalready.把留言告诉他Im notleaving wordagain,okay老兄Give himthat message.你在做什么?Hello Hello麦特这不是我谈生意的态度What areyou doingMatt,that isnot howI dobusiness.那个女人快把我逼疯了我不关心他们都是很重要的客户That bitchmakes mecrazy.不要那样说话I dontcare.These areimportant clients.你想让他们回电吗?You canttalk to them likethat.提醒你我才是这里的老板Do youwant themto callyou back,or not炒我觥鱼吧Maybe I need toremind you that I am theboss here.我只是帮你争取点尊重So fireme.把这些档案放好I justthink youdeserve somerespect,thats all.莎曼珊发现麦特孩子气的自负很讨厌Put thisin theFargas Benefitfile.很不专业…Samantha foundMatts boyisharrogance annoying,但异常性感unprofessional...同时米兰达搞不懂and incrediblyhot.如何跟异性分享空间Meanwhile,Miranda washaving herown problems什么事?sharing aconfined spacewith the other sex.怎么了?Whatf你睡到我这一边了What sgoin on我的枕头Youre on my side.客人的枕头My pillow.好这么办吧My guestspillow.明天我们去买漆Okay,um,Ill tellyou what.hearts;hearts;帮你在中间画条界线Tomorrow,well gobuy somepaint睡觉吧and weHdraw aline down the middlefor you.你那一堆衣服要收整齐Go to sleep.要是你分一个抽屉给我That pile.Your stuff.You have to keepit neater.我就可以把内裤收好Well,maybe if you couldspare a drawer ora boxor something,hearts;hearts;你想要一个抽屉?I couldkeep myunderwear out of the way.事实上…You want adrawer我想搬进来Actually...几乎所有的单身女子都幻想着这一刻actually,Td liketo move in.但米兰达除外Most singlewomen dreamofthismoment.你怎么会有这种念头?Most singlewomen,but Miranda.我一直都在考虑Okay,where didthat comefrom我们在一起很快乐What Ivebeenthinkingabout it.而且也几乎同居了We have a greattime together.但是事实上并没有Were practicallyliving togetheranyway...听好我们才又刚开始约会Yeah,but were not.没有必要这么仓促Look,we juststarted datingagain.没有人快死了我敢打赌每一本书Theres noneed togo atwarp speed,here.都会说我们还没准备好I mean,nobodys dyingand Imsure everybook你总是到我这里来would saythat werenot ready.没问题I mean,you,re hereall the time!我马上滚出去No problem.・我把钥匙留下来■不Ell getoutta yourhair.r不要留下钥匙我…你带着钥匙-I llleave the key.-No,no.我只是需要自己的空间Don*t leavethekey!I...I...I...I...take thekey!我觉得快要室息了I just...I needmy space.老天米兰达…I feellike Imbeing suffocated!有时候你还真像男人Jesus,Miranda.面对感情出现问题Its likeyou*retheguy sometimes.有些女人猛吃油炸食品Faced withrelationship problems,米兰达则是转向曼哈顿some womenturn tofried food.最新的健身风潮〃女神训练”女士们放开一点Miranda decidedto turnto Manhattanslatest fitness让体内的女神歌唱craze,The GoddessWorkout.All right,ladies,open upyour chakras,hearts;let theinner她就在里面你们只需要去释放她goddess sing.这能帮助你成为女人?Shes inthere.All youhave todo islet herout.我看我是找不到了This is gonna helpyou be a woman抬臀…抬臀像莲花一样展开自己Im gonnafind my inner goddessif itkills me.And pop your hip.Pop yourhip.来抬臀Open yourselflike a lotus flower.Cmon,popyourhip.抬臀你看我臀部抬不起来我是男人Pop yourhip.你疯了You seeMy hipsdont pop,Tm aguy!这不能帮我找到体内的女神Youre insane.只让我找到羞辱伸展背部伸手触碰星星This isn*t helpingme find myinnergoddess.我们走This ismaking mefindmyinner humiliation.And reachback,ladies,reach forthe stars.我不是有女人味的女人You knowwhat Wereoutof here.我永远都不会是Im nevergonna bea girlygirl.我永远当不成莲花I neverwill.我只想说谢天谢地Im nevergonna bealotusflower.真正的女人会想要他的男友搬进来And mayI justsay,thank God还会化浓妆去健身房A girlygirl wouldwant herboyfriend tomovein.hearts;写字时候喜欢画爰心Yeah,she alsowears makeuptothegym.我是真的爱他And makeslittle heartsabove herI*s.・真的•我知道亲爱的I dolove him.那我的问题是什么?-I do.-I know,sweetie.在一段感情中总有一个人是大猎犬So,whats my problem一个发号司令的人I thinkin anyrelationship onepersons thealpha dog.hearts;就是你The onethats incharge.你不喜欢分享水盘Thats you.但是我可以分享玩具You don*t want to shareyour waterdish.But Im very freewiththechew toys.没错米兰达稍后回到空荡荡的公寓That you are.hearts;hearts;头一回她不喜欢这样Miranda arrivedhome laterto anempty apartment.f当米兰达跟我试着唤醒心中的女神And forthe firsttime,she reallydidn tlike it.巴尔则努力将夏洛特心中的男人呼唤出来While Mirandaand Iworked outour innergoddesses,你看起来很棒Baird wasworking themale outof Charlotte.抱歉我做不到You lookgreat.我做不到Im sorry,I cant.放轻松I can*tdo this.自然一点忘掉夏洛特Just relax.你是个男人Okay,let itgo.Forget Charlotte.性感的男人Youre aman now...女人心中的大情圣Youre ahot guy.你富有有势力You canget anywoman youwant.把我这样的男人当午餐吃掉Youre rich.Youre powerful.你现在感觉怎么样?You eatguys likemeforlunch.我需要大一点的袜子How youfeeling now我也这么想I thinkIneeda biggersock.好一点了吗?I think you dotoo.Better好多了不知道是袜子衣服还是巴尔Much.;突然间夏洛特不再是有小弟弟的女孩Who knowswhether it wasthesock,orthesuit orBaird,hearts;hearts;hearts;but suddenlyCharlotte wasntjust a chick with她是“有种〃的女孩a dick.不幸的是莎曼珊办公室的两头猎犬She was achickwith balls.相处得不太好Unfortunately,the twoalpha dogsin Samanthasoffice这些邀请函要马上送到印刷工厂werenot getting alongas well.我等一下就去办These invitationsneed togo tothe printers,ASAP.现在就去在七十二街然后去拿午餐Yeah,okay.Til getto it.这两个地方在不同方向Now!Drop themat72nd Streetand thenpick uplunch.我先去拿午餐Theyre inopposite directions.我一向对牛仔很有“性”趣ril getlunch first.不要忘了这是女人Ive alwayshad athing forcowboys.我的天我被她吸引了Reminder.John Waynesa Jane.或许我是“蕾丝边”Oh,my God.Im attractedto her.我曾经跟一个喜欢穿我内裤的男人约会Maybe Im a lesbian.hearts;hearts;不过我仍没改变性向I once dated aguy wholiked towear myunderwear,你要是同性恋大家都可以交换内裤穿了but Fvenever gonetheotherway.hearts;hearts;卫生一点See,when youregay,everyone canwear everyonesunderwear.女扮男装应该挺有趣的That*s hygienic.拜托我在男人世界努力当女人I betbeing adrag kingwould befun.已经够难了Oh,please.I haveenough troublefiguring outhow to beawoman更别提假装当个男人in a mans world这样你就不用蜜蜡除毛了without tryingtobeawomanpretending tobeaman in amansworld.顺带一提要是你改变心意Well,at leastyou wouldnthave towax.就忙着躲警察吧And bytheway,ifyouever changeyour mind,hearts;hearts;我富有了吗?youve got“cop”written all over you.快了各位这是摄影师巴尔So amI richyet她们是我的朋友Getting there.Everyone,this isBaird,the artist.你从哪里得到灵感的?These aremy friends.我认为每个人内心都有两种力量What inspiredyou todo this男人可以非常女性化I feelwe havedual powerswithin eachof us.邀请函先处理好那我会晚一个小时回来No!Invitations first.你知道你是我的助理吗?Fine.Then Illbe anhourlate.你的工作就是听我发号司令Do yourealize thatyouaremy assistanthearts;我知道自己在做什么Your jobis todo whatI say,no matterwhat.我比你更清楚I knowwhat Imdoing.-谁说的?-我And I know better.你以为你是谁-Yeah,says who-Me.你老板And whothe helldoyouthinkyouare莎曼珊琼斯公关公司Your boss!hearts;hearts;hearts;hearts;我不知道她什么时候有空Samantha Jones,PR.她很忙No,I dont know whenshe will...你的态度也很差Yeah,well,shes beenbusy.顺带一提你的派对更烂Yeah You haveashitty attitudetoo.坏消息是你被炒就鱼了Oh,and FYI,your partiessuck!好消息是我可以跟你上床广Well,the badnews is,youre fired.hearts;hearts;莎曼珊发现The goodnews is...now,I canfuck you.她和麦特只有在床上契合Samantha discoveredthe onlyplace在办公桌上做she andMatt workedwell togetherwasinbed.-在椅子上-不在办公桌上Fuck meon thedesk.自然是莎曼珊在上面-No,the chair.-No,on thedesk.那一晚米兰达邀史蒂夫来吃意大利面With Samon top,naturally.我迟到了That night,Miranda invitedSteve overfor pastaal detente.-没关系--有关系Hi!Im late,IknowIm late.我要做晚餐会议却拖了两个小时-Hey,its okay...-No,its notokay.我到超市去采购I wasgonna makeyou dinnerand thenthis conferencecall wentover liketwo hours.hearts;hearts;却买不到食谱上的材料And Iwent tothe market,and therecipe callshearts;hearts;我不知道行不行我从不下厨for extravirgin oliveoil,and theyonly hadvirgin.And howthe helldo Iknow thedifference sinceI donteven cook所以我索性买了一罐然后就迟到了…hearts;hearts;不要动那是玻璃So Ijust scrappedthe wholething andgot thestuff ina jar,and Imlate...我办不到Dont move.Its glass.我不行I cant!当然我们叫披萨外送I cantdothis.-没关系-有很大的关系Of courseyou cant,well orderpizza.我在你面前打翻了大r蒜番茄酱-Ifs nobig deal.-It sa bigfucking deal!我笨手笨脚I spilledmarinara sauceallovermyself,and yourehere,好我也是・・・and yousaw that and Idrop things,okay我很爱你Okay,so doI...不过我未曾与人同居过I dolove you.我很固执喜欢掌控遥控器But Ivenever livedwith anybodybefore,而且不会煮饭and Imstubborn,and Ilike theremote,有时候两个礼拜不洗衣服and I cant cook.菜瓜布会发臭你将会看到这一切;我很害怕…And I dont dolaundry sometimesfor liketwo weeksandmy spongessmell andyoure gonnasee allthat,我不知道我能不能跨出这一步and Imscared...不过我害怕失去你And I dontknowif Ican moveforward,我知道but I really dontwanttolose you.我哪儿都不会去Hey.我在你肩上哭泣Im notgoing anywhere.Crying onyour shoulder.天啊我想我真的是女人一周后米兰达的男人搬进她家Jesus,I guessIreallyam awoman,huh同一天夏洛特的男人也进驻她家A weeklater,Mirandas manmoved into her place...她不曾再见过巴尔the sameday thatCharlotte movedher manintoherplace.她很窘困自己曾经那么主动She neversaw Bairdagain.她觉得如果自己是个男人可能会那么做She was too embarrassedabout howforward shedbeen.但作为女人她从来没那么干过She realizedshe mighthavebeenthat typeof guy,走了八十条街和爬了五层楼but shednever bethat typeof woman.西恩跟我就快到达派对现场Eighty blocksdowntown andfive flightsup,我发誓再一层楼就到了Sean andI hadalmost madeit tothe party.要是没有伏特加你就要人头落地I swear,onemorefloor,promise.放轻松就快到了If theresno vodkaat the end ofthis,its yourhead.好老兄Take iteasy,dude,were here.这是谁的派对?Okay,dude.马克的Okay,so whoseparty isthis前男友马克?Marks.有困扰吗?Oh.Mark,ex-boyfriend Mark这是他男朋友的生日Is thata problem我头一次碰到这种状况Its hisboyfriends birthday.我参加我男朋友的前男友举办的派对It wasdefinitely afirst.还有他的现任男友I wasattending aparty ofmy sort-of boyfriendsex-boyfriend.凯莉这是马克和他男友葛斯And hisboyfriend.伴侣很高兴见到你Carrie,this isMark,and hisboyfriend,Garth.这是我们的宝宝伊沙贝沙子的沙没有草字头Partner.Nice tomeet you.生日快乐This is our baby,Isabell,two L*s,no E.谢谢Okay,happy birthday.这是唐恩和葛蕾斯Oh,thank you,thanks.她们刚在夏威夷结婚This isDawn andGrace.恭喜They justgot marriedin Hawaii.谢谢Oh,congratulations.事先毫无准备Thanks.Thank you.我不想办盛大的婚礼It wastotally spurof themoment.没有那么惨Yeah,I didntwantabig weddinglike myfirst.跟你结婚是很惨It wasntso bad.你们两个…Yeah,it was being marriedto you that sucked.结婚一年了Oh,so youtwo were...我们当时嗑药嗑过头Married,right,yeah,for likea year.要不然下场不会这么u惨We werehigh onE formost ofit,though.不要忘了卵子是我捐赠的Otherwise itwould havebeen miserable.这是我们仅有的异性恋朋友乔伊Hey,dont forgetwho gaveyouthategg there,buddy.Oh,and thisisour,uh,token straightfriend,JoeL你穿皮革吗?谢谢你注意到了Are youwearing pleather一小时后我才搞清楚状况Well,yes,Iam.And thankyou fornoticing.葛蕾斯曾跟布莱特约会An hourlater,I hadalmost gottenit straight.布莱特曾跟乔伊同居?Okay,so,so GraceoncedatedBrett,半柏拉图式的and Brettused tolive withJoel你跟唐恩上过床Semi-platonically.她跟马克在一起前And youslept withDawn.当然Before she was withMark.同性恋双性恋异性恋Naturally.这个派对是性向大融合Gay,bi,straight...游戏时间到了This partywasaveritable pupu platterof sexualorientation.■什么游戏?-转瓶子Time toplay!认真的吗?-Play what-Spin thebottle.七年级的转瓶子?Wait,wait,seriously去玩吧很有趣的Seventh gradespin thebottle,that one来吧很好玩Yes,come play,its fun.去开房间吧Cmon,its fun.hearts;去戴牙套吧Geta room!Geta dentaldam!是女生再转一次吧没关系Its agirl.Try again.当然没关系Its okay.我现在处在性向错乱世界Of courseitwasokay.我其实有选择I wasin Alice-in-Confused-Sexual-Orientation-Land.我可以选择站起来走出去证明我是老古板I realizedI hada choice.也可以入境随俗I couldstand upand walkout andprove Iwas anold fart,我选择后者感觉不太糟or I could falldowntherabbit hole.尝起来像鸡肉And soI fell.It wasntbad.你要去哪里?换你转瓶子了Kind oflike chicken.去抽根烟Hey,where you going Itsyour spin.-Oh.那是我最后一次见到西恩Just...more cigarettes.我发现他们可以为所欲为That wasthe lastnight Isaw Sean.但是这个游戏我玩不起I realizedthey coulddo whateverthey wanted,所以我拖着老古板的自己回家but deepdown Iwastooold toplay thisgame.这就是我So Itook myhot,old-fart asshome.Thatsjustme.女人也可以非常男性化Men can be veryfemale...性别是一种假象and womencanbevery male.一种很美丽的假象Gender is an illusion.我要去拿一点开胃菜Sometimes avery beautifulillusion.因为我饿了…You knowIm gonnago geta canape.虽然不是一餐Because Imstarved.也可以垫个肚子So,I mean,not thata canapeisameal,失陪but,you know,inapinch.这是怎么一回事?Excuse us.没有人喜欢开胃菜Okay,what wasthat about他让我很紧张Nobody lovescanapes thatmuch.因为女扮男装?He makesme nervous.不我觉得他很…The dragking stuff约他出去No,I thinkhes…不可以So askhim out.你了解我的我不会主动出击Oh,Icant.看来有人需要在裤裆里塞袜子You knowme,Icannever makethe firstmove.我要回家了要一起搭计程车吗?Sounds likesomeone needsasockinthepants.不了我跟西恩有约Well,Im gonnadrag myselfhome.You wannashare acab那个幼齿的家伙?No,Im meetingSean.没有那么幼齿Ooh,the youngguy凯莉他二十六岁Hes notthat young.他跟我们不同世代Carrie,hes
26.谁在乎?年龄只是假象His generationhas atotally differentletter thanours.•晚安•晚安Oh,who caresAge isan illusion.之后米兰达惊奇的发现-Goodnight!-Goodnight.她的公寓最近也在变性Later,Miranda wasshocked tofind herapartment hearts;hearts;你在这里做什么?had undergonea gendertransformation ofits own.我还留着你的钥匙Hey!What areyou doinghere我叫了中国菜外送I stillgot yourkey fromwhen Ifed yourcat thattime.我们今晚没有约会吧I orderedus Chinese.跟另一个男朋友有约?I didn*tthinkwe wereseeing eachother tonight.你毁了我的…Oh,planning onseeing yourother boyfriend,were you我们要看这个?Well,now,youve ruinedthat.给我-This iswhat werewatching-Yeah.放轻松Gimme that.你让我头痛Hey there,easy,chief.你今晚不工作吗?You*re makingmy brainhurt.十点前不用Dont youhavetowork tonight我有带换洗衣物Not until10:
00.好And Igot stuffhereIcan changeinto.十点才上班Right.米兰达爰这个在她身体里面的男人But Igot till10:
00.不过她不喜欢他总是在她的公寓里面Miranda absolutelyloved theman insideofher.hearts;hearts;r来吧冰是不等人的She justdidn tlove himinside herapartment allthetime.我正在脑中练习三圈跳跃Oh!Cmon,the icewaits forno woman.片刻后我被西恩拖着走Im practicingmy triplesalchow inmy head.一个跟我分属不同世代的对象A littlewhile laterandIwasbeingdragged aroundby Sean,我们是在西恩创办的my generationsomething-else date.网上杂志庆祝派对上遇见的We metatadowntown party虽然我还是找不到那个网hearts;hearts;站celebrating anew internetmagazine thatSean wasrunning我说真的不要抽了and thatI stillcouldnt findonmycomputer.抽烟有碍平衡Oh,seriously,stop!只有烟才能让我平衡rIm guessingit seasier tobalance whenyourenotsmoking.这个地方很棒吧?Smoking isthe onlything thatkeeps mebalanced.这么正点的约会你该称赞我一番Doesnt thisplace rock没有鸡尾酒可不算约会Youhaveto giveme alittle creditfor anoriginal date.我的教练会杀了我Idontbelieve itsofficially a date withoutcocktails.在半瓶金宾酒之后My coachisgonnakill me.Half aflask ofJim Beamlater,西恩和我聊开了我的屁股也开花了Sean andIhadreally brokenthe ice.hearts;hearts;最后一“摔”至少有分Or at least myass had.
9.2你跟俄国评审一样严苛Man,that lastfall wasat leasta
9.
2.hearts;hearts;他有一种特质Oh,you andthe Russianjudge.Tough.他性感迷人性感协调…There wassomething abouthim.他以及我们第三次约会都很特别He wassexy,charming,sexy,coordinated...你上一次认真谈感情是什么时候?Nothing abouthim orour thirddate wasfeeling typical.直到这个问题的出现So,Kerrigan...When wasyour lastserious relationship第三次约会无可避免的Until then.There itwas.不该问这个?The inevitablethird-date question.想不想再上场旋转一次?Bad question不了玩够了Wanna takeanother spinaround thedeath rink我结束上一段感情有一会儿了No,its fine,its fine.两年来分分合合I endedsomething awhile ago.你懂的我们很明显合不来Two yearsof alot ofback andforth.你呢?You know,apparently,we werentY2K compatible.在你之前是凯拉What aboutyou神经病患者持续了一年Well,before you,there wasKayla.Really neurotic.Lasted ayear.再之前是蕾丝李无法下承诺在她之前是马克And beforeher,Leslie.Couldnt commit.有问题吗?And beforeLeslie,there wasMark.他是双性恋Is thata problem我早就看出来了亲爱的Hes abisexual.他居然带你去溜冰Well,Icouldhave toldyouthat,sweetie.奇怪的是他不以为意He tookyou iceskating,for Godssake.“你好我是双性恋〃就像・・・The weirdthing is,hewasso openabout it.“你好我来自科罗拉多”YknowJHi,Im abisexual,like,um...在那里双性恋是不被允许的Hi,Im fromColorado/or something.“有问题吗?“这是什么问题?Idontthink youreallowed tobe bisexualin Colorado.1“有问题吗?”Is thata problemI mean,what kindof questionis that这当然是个问题Is thata problem你说什么?Of course,its a problem.你说这不是问题What didyou say我很慌他吻功了得I saidit wasnta problem.那个世代的人是性实验的产物I panicked!Hes sucha goodkisser.所有的小孩都是双性恋You know,that generationis allabout sexualexperimentation.All thekids aregoing bi.所以呢要是他们都去跳河你也会吗我是实睑性’的So,what,if allthe bikids arejumping offa bridge,youre gonnado thattoo什么都要尝试一下Imatrisexual.什么时候性别全混淆在一起了?Ell tryanything once.在世代和世代之间When didthis happenWhen didthe sexesget allconfusedX Y混成世代Somewhere betweenGen Xand GenYXY我在大学时代跟双性恋约会过they blendedand madeXY.但他们最后都选择了男人Yknow,I didthe,uh,date-the-bisexual-guy thingin college.双性恋女人也是一样But intheend,they allended upwith men.所以我们都找不到男人So didthe bisexualwomen.或许这对我造成了困扰Which explainswhy thereare noavailable menleft forus.我是个老古板Maybe Ido haveaproblemwith this.更正火辣的老古板Im anold fart.hearts;hearts;我根本不确定双性恋是否存在Correction.A hotold fart.我觉得那只是迈向同性恋的尴尬地带Im noteven surebisexuality exists.是不是在“瑞奇马丁村”隔壁?I...I thinkits justa layoveron theway toGaytown.这挺好的Isnt thatright nextto RickyMartinvillef不排斥各式各样的性是好事他是进化过的Yknow,I thinkit sgreat.很性感Hes opento allsexual experiences,hes evolved.Its hot.一点也不性感这样很贪心两边通吃Its nothot,its greedy.你又不是真的要嫁给他你只是和他约会Hes double-dipping.只是享乐何必在乎贴哪个标签Youre notmarrying theguy,youre makingout withhim.你说的对Enjoy it.Dont worryaboutthelabels.我很在意贴标签Ah,youre right,youre right.同性恋异性恋Imveryinto labels.二者择一Gay.Straight.•你要去哪里?-回家Pick aside andstay there.跟遥控器约会-Where areyougoing-Home.史蒂夫去打篮球Ive gotadatewith myremote control.我有三个小时的独处时间Steves playingbasketball.我的问题怎么力,That meansatleastthree hoursof blissfullyuninterrupted alonetime.不要再吻他了What aboutmyproblem她说的容易Stop kissinghim.那一晚我不断想着莎曼珊的话Easy forher tosay.西恩那一代真的不一样了吗?That night,I couldn*tgetSamanthas wordsoutofmy head.双性恋真的是未来的潮流吗?Was Seansgeneration ontosomething真是如此我应该加入其中还是逃开呢?Was sexualflipping thewave of the future要是女人可以变成男人男人变成女人And ifitwas,could Iplay thatgame,or wasI overthe hill我们可以恣意与人上床If womencan transforminto men,and mencan becomewomenhearts;hearts;那么性别或许就不存在了and wecan choosetosleepwith everyone,要是我们可以决定变性then maybegender doesnteven existanymore.“异性〃这一词就会式微了?If wecan takethe bestoftheother sexand makeit ourown,不要整我has theopposite sexbecome obsolete你最擅长挖角了Dont bustmy ballshere,Mitch.去帮我找个好助理You callyourself afucking headhunter有什么事吗?Then getme adecent assistant.。