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欲望城市(性爰专家凯莉布雷萧并且勇于发问)“剪不断理还乱”hearts;hearts;哪位?客房服务Yeshearts;我们不能再这样见面了Room service.你等了一辈子讲这句话Wevegottostop meetinglikethis.我三个小时后要赴约Youvebeenwaitingyourwholelifetosaythat.你的皮肤为什么这么滑嫩?Ihavetobesomeplaceinthreehours.当狄更斯写到Whyisyourskinsosoft“那是最好的时代也是最坏的时代”他当时一定是在跟已婚的WhenCharlesDickenswrote,前男友偷情Itwasthebestoftimes,itwastheworst oftimes,哪heart$hearts;位?Ibelievehemusthave beenhavinganaffairwithhismarriedex-boyfriend.是我Yeah你不能一直更换时间Itsme.我也有事要做Youknow,youcantjustkeepchanging thetimearoundlikethis,好我很抱歉Ihaveascheduletoo.把内裤脱掉Fine,Imsorry.hearts;hearts;我要戴避孕器Well,letsgetthosepantiesoff.我四十分钟后要上班Wait,Ihavetoputmydiaphragmin.我知道Well,Ihavetobeatworkin40minutes.Iknow.我们的关系就像去过的旅馆为什么不做呢?Ouraffair,likeourhotels,我一向奉行安全性行为Well,whynot,sweetie好吧我吓坏了Ialwayspracticesafesex.-要是我有怎么办?-你没有的Allright,Imterrified.我有时候感冒拖很久才好-WhatifIhaveit-Youdonthave it.那不是艾滋只是空调的问题Sometimesittakesmeareallylongtimetogetoveracold.不要害怕没什么问题ThatsnotAIDS,thatscentralairconditioning.最可怕的是等结果的时候Justgoand getitoverwith,thetestisnothing.他们拿出检验结果之后Theworstpartiswaitingfortheresults.向一些人示意And thentheycomeoutwiththeresults然后他们会被带到小房间and theymotiontocertainpeoplehearts;你就知道结果不甚好and theytakethemintothislittleroom我都会坐着祈祷and youknowthenewsaintgood.“请不要带我到小房间”Ijustsattheretheentiretimepraying,hearts;这本杂志有一千四百套婚纱Please donttakemeinthatlittleroom.hearts;hearts;我只看了六百套Thereare1,400gownsinthismagazine我需要帮忙and1haveonlyseen600ofthem.听着不要慌你需要去找个造型师Ineedhelp!-造型师?-帮你找衣服的奴才Okay,listen.Youneed tochillthefuckoutandhireyourselfastylist.-Astylist-Somelittleminiontorunaround townanddoyourdressbidding.我可以雇用别人帮我?这是纽约什么事都可以请人做Icanhiresomeone todothatforme我传真一些人选给你Oh,honey,thisisNewYorkCity,youcanhiresomeone todoanything.谢谢你Illfaxyousomenames.我希望我可以雇用代替我做检验的人Oh,thankyou,thankyou,thankyou.稍晚我思索着安全性行为Now,if1couldonlyhiresomeonetotakethatdamntest.纳闷我们怎么只担心Laterthatnight,Igottothinkingaboutsafesex.肉体上的安危Odd,howonlywhenourphysicallifeisatrisk那精神上的呢?dowefollow certainguidelinestoprotectourselves.要是有一本小册子提醒我们Butwhataboutouremotionallives什么样的行为会危害感情Wouldntitbeniceiftherewasalittlepamphlet不是很好吗?towarnuswhatunsafe behaviormightbehigh-risk就算你有心理准备toourselvesorourrelationships在情感上保护自己And evenifyoutakealltheprecautions当你爬上一个人的床时and emotionallytrytoprotectyourself性是否真的安全?whenyoucrawlinbedwithsomeone...我知道那不是我的问题issexeversafe隔天在去上班时Yeah,Iknow,butthatsnot myproblem.All right...米兰达经历「另一种高危险性的行为吃我Thenextday,onherwaybacktowork,Miranda wasabouttoexperienceadifferenttypeofhigh-risk behavior.Eatme.你说什么?吃我Excuse me米兰达十分愤怒Eatme.她刚输掠一场官司已经够糟Miranda wasfurious.r现在居然还被一个三明治骚扰Itwasbadenoughshehadjustlostacase,要吃面食到小意大利butnowshe wasbeingharassedbyasandwich要一场婚礼到薇拉王Youwantpasta,yougotolittleItaly.要最棒的婚纱Youwantwedding,yougoWang.找造型师安东尼Youwanttheperfectweddingdressfast,店员在哪里?gotoAnthonyMarentino,stylist.依照店里这种价格她早该出来招呼我们了Whereisthatsalesgirl有人在吗?快一点For thesepricesweshouldbepullinghernoseoutofourasses.夏洛特很激动Hello!Someone!Letsgo!安东尼就像是一位热心的意大利妈妈Charlottewasthrilled,快…AnthonywaslikethepushyItalianmothershenever had.我都好喜欢Go,go,go,go,go,go,go!小夏…Oh,Ilovethemall!洋锻加上蕾丝绣花?Char...这个白色太白了Duchesssatinwiththelaceapplique.依照你的肤色…Ithinkthewhiteistoowhite.No,butwithyourskintone...快一点下一套无肩带软缎外加罩网Hatesit!Moveon.快换Thecharmeusestrapless withthenetoverlay.串珠的工很细Hatesit!这些都不适合全都不合适Goodbeadwork,though.你在拖什么None oftheseareit,noneofthematall.None ofthem.希望她不会觉得我难搞Youredragging!她不是被雇来思考的她理当让你满意IhopeshedoesntthinkImabitch.我从小就期待披婚纱的那一天Shesnotpaidtothink,shespaid tomakeyouhappy.我希望一切很完美ItsjustthatIvebeenimaginingmyweddingdresseversinceIwasalittlegirl小夏不要就是不要选婚纱我有上百万次的经验and Iwantittobejustperfect.别担心Char,notfornothing.Ivedonethisamilliontimes.你会看到你最想要的那一件的Dontworry.安东尼Youllknowtherightdresswhenyousee it.小夏Anthony...就是这一件Charr在城市另一头莎曼珊快哭了Thatsit.And acrosstown,Samanthafeltasthoughshemightcryaswell.你有做过艾检验吗?没有Have youhadanHIVtestbeforeNo.为什么要来做检验?因为我觉得...And whyareyoutakingthistest你知道的…你还好吗?youknow,its,um...-抱歉我真的很紧张-放轻松Areyoufeelingallright这些是例行问题不要太担心-Imsorry,Imreallynervous.-Trytorelax.好谢谢你Theresjustacouple ofroutinequestions,nothingtobealarmedabout.你有性生活吗?Okay,thanks.有Now...Doyou havesex你有口交吗?Yes.hearts;hearts;给予接受?Doyouhaveoralsex有…GiveReceive有肛交吗Yes,yes,yes.hearts;hearts;有Doyouhaveanalsex会吞下精液吗Yes.hearts;hearts;只有在需要给到惊喜的时候Doyouswallow使用保险套吗?Onlywhensurprised.有Doyouusecondoms哪一种?Yes.花花公子生育计划圣科魅力派...Whatkind ofcondomshearts;hearts;hearts;hearts;我是指乳胶还是羊皮?Trojan,Lifestyles,Sheik,WetNWild...都有No,Imeantlatex,lambskin你有多少性伴侣Oh,yes,yes.hearts;hearts;hearts;我在算How manysexualpartnershaveyouhad今年的吗?Imcounting.当莎曼珊试着面对她过去的性生活Um...thisyear我正面对我的现在进行式WhileSamanthatriedtorememberhersexualpast,停止Icamefacetofacewithmysexualpresent.停止什么?Stop.发出那样的声音Stopwhat亲吻的声音Youremakingthatsound.That...很恼人mmm-mmmkissingsound.这就是我发出来的声音Itsannoying.来我试着不要发出声音ThatsasoundImake,Iguess.妈你听没有声音Comehere,nottodoitanymore.我不能呼吸了不能呼吸了Look,Ma,nosound.我很抱歉真的很抱歉Icantbreathe,Icantbreathe!不要走Imsorry,Imsorry.Imsorry.我不懂Dontgo,dontgo.你以前喜欢我发出声音Youknow,Ijust,Idont...Idontgetit.我爱那个声音Youusedtolike thatsoundImake.你要去哪里?Ilove thatsound.回家我需要一点时间Whereareyougoing我现在心情很乱Imgonna gohome,Ineedalittletime.我保证会很快复原Imjustinaweirdplacerightnow,我很抱歉butIllbeoutofitsoon,Ipromise.说没有关系Imsorry.没有关系Sayitsokay.我能做什么?Itsokay.不用是我自己的关系WhatcanIdo我需要时间想一想Nothing,itsme,itsallme.或许我应该给你一些空间Ijust.,need timetofigureitout.你这句话的含义不是不好的吧?MaybeIllgiveyoualittleroom todothat.不是Yourenotsayingthatinabadway,right我会到市中心去No.晚一点打电话给我?Illberightdowntown.hearts;hearts;现在凌晨一点了Hey,buddy...Callmelater我明天再打Itsone inthemorning.发出那种声音Illcallyoutomorrow.Makethenoise.拜托你发出那种声音晚安疯子Pleasemakethenoise.抱歉Goodnight,nut.我不知道我在做什久但我很确定Imsorry.我进人了一段关系中的危险期Ididntknow whatIwasdoing,butIwasprettysure吃我Ihadjustenteredhigh-riskrelationship behavior.三天后Eatme.米兰达想把三明治的馅掐出来Threedayslater,够了Miranda hadfinallygottenherfillofthesandwich.你不能这样骚扰女人Okay,thatsit.吃我Yourenotallowedtoharasswomenlikethat.我们走着瞧Eatme.我找你们经理Wellsee aboutthat.我就是Idliketospeaktothemanager,please.好的听着外面的三明治Yeah,thatsme.对着路过的女士口头性骚扰Okay,then,listen.Thatsandwichoutfront他说什么?,‘吃我”issayingsexually explicitthingstowomenastheywalkby.因为他是三明治-Whatdhesay-Eatme.他不是用三明治的口吻说的Yeah,hesasandwich.No,hedidntsayitinthesandwichway,他用一种骚扰的语气说女士他是个三明治hesaiditinthesexualharassingway.-吃我-有种就不要躲在三明治里面Lady,hesasandwich.然后米兰达突然瞥见-Eatme.-Oh,youresobrave insideyoursandwich!他性感的丰唇和闪亮的皓齿And then,Mirandaglimpsed justenough她忘掉了三明治的事ofhisfulllipsand shinywhiteteeth开始幻想面包里面的男人tostop thinkingaboutthesandwich我一直想着他and startwonderingaboutthemaninsidethebun.你你是说对一个三明治有感觉?Icantstopthinkingabouthim.因为我看不见他Youretellingmeyoureturnedonbyasandwich所以感觉很刺激Well,I...I thinkitsthefactthatIcantseehim.hearts;hearts;一个人肉三明治Itsdangerousor something.他的声音好性感Ithinkthatisone freshsandwich.他或许是个食人妖Hisvoiceissosexy,躲在三明治里面跟女人求爱的人buthesprobablyatroll.一定是食人妖Imean,anymanwhopropositionsawomanfrom insideabigsandwich我不确定hasgottobeatroll,right你想他是白肉吗?Idontknow.那是我几个礼拜来第一次笑YouthinkheswhitemeatOh,wow.ThatsthefirstlaughIvehadinweeks.等你跟三明治上床时帮我道谢hearts;hearts;我不能跟三明治上床Thankthesandwich forme,whenyourehavingsexwithhim,huhhearts;hearts;难道可以吗?I...Icanthavesexwithasandwich.我都跟已婚的前男友床「CanIkhearts;hearts;和特大号三明治又会怎么样?Well,1neverthoughtIdhavesexwithamarriedex.hearts;米兰达我到底在做什么?Canahoagiebe thatfarbehind当莎曼珊在等待结果时Oh,Miranda.WhatthehellamIgonnado她心中只有一个念头AsSamanthasatand waitedforhertestresults“不要带我进小房间shehadone thoughtoverandover,hearts;琼斯小姐结果出炉了Please,dontletthemtakemeintothatlittle room.请随我来MissJones,Ivegotyourresults.莎曼珊知道自己就要被带进小房间广Pleasecomewithme.hearts;她很健康Samanthabegantorealizeshewasbeingtakenintothatlittleroom.护士只是想找一个安静的地方向莎曼珊宣导安全性行为Shewasperfectlyhealthy.几天后我发现自己又回到了街Thenursejustwantedaquietplacetolectureheronsafesexpractices.56多少钱?Laterthatweek,somehowIfoundmyself backatthecornerof56thandsafe.你说什么?How much我以前在这里见过你Excuse me卜床多少钱?Iseeyouherebefore..hearts;hearts;好了我要走了For sex...Howmuch那个口本商人以为我是妓女Allright,thatsit,Imoutofhere.hearts;hearts;凯莉等一下ThatJapanesebusinessmanthinksImahooker.凯莉Waitaminute,Carrie!我的天你在这里做什么?Carrie凯莉我们…OhmyGod!Whatareyoudoinginthisneighborhood你好Carrie,canwe...我在这附近做生意Hey...刚才跟她偶遇了Youknow,uh,Iwasdoingbusinessinthearea夏洛特你好吗?and wekindabumpedintoeachother.我去看我的婚纱在裁缝师那里…Charlotte,howareyou从镶有水晶的高级饭店到提供塑胶杯的廉价旅社hadgonefromelegant withcrystal要不要饼干?toseedywithplasticcups.这里面真是闷热Cracker又热衡户又打不开God,itshotinhere!我讨厌这种小气窗Itshotandthewindowsdontevenopen.我需要空气Ihatethose littleslidingairstripthings.地点是你选的Me,Ineed air.这里是街和第大道口Youpickedthehotel.没有人认识我们568Ipickeditbecauseitson56thandEighth.街和第大道口很安全Nobodyknowsuson56thandEighth.568我不在乎有没有人撞见我们56thand Eighthissafe.你在乎我也在乎Idontgiveafuckwhoseesus.你希望有人因此受伤吗?Yes,youdo,andIdotoo.这房间有外送咖哩的味道Youwantpeopletogethurthearts;这里太热了我没办法继续Thisroomsmellsliketake-outcurry.你要留给你男朋友享用吗?Itstoohot.Icantdothis,I cantdothis.凯莉What,areyousaving itforyourboyfriend不你不能这样跟我说话Carrie...我很抱歉我...No!Youdonttalktomethatway!我很抱歉Imsorry.Im...-夏洛特我得走了Iwasjust...Ijustcheckedonmyweddingdress,itsatatailorand,uh...-Charlotte...-1bettergo.等等夏洛特就这样没有地方是安全的…Wait,Charlotte!即使在街和第大道Well,thatwasthat,now,nowherewassafe...568那股力量我抵挡不住not even56thand Eighth.就像尼加拉瀑布你懂吗?Itwasaforcebigger thanme,我不懂他已经结婚了likeNiagaraFallsorsomething,youknow我知道他结婚了No,Idontknow.Hesmarried.Iknow hesmarried!那你就成了第三者你是第三者我不是第三者Thatmakesyoutheotherwoman,Youretheotherwoman.我不是…我知道我是不过…Iamnot theotherwoman.我不是那种女人Imnot,Imean,Iknow Iam,but...拜托不要这样我已经觉得很糟了Iamnot thatwoman.很好你应该如此Please,Charlotte,Ifeelbadenough already.你有想过她发现了会怎么样吗?Good,youshouldfeelbad.我一直都在想Doyoueverthinkabout howshedfeelifshefoundout不你没有Yes,Ithinkaboutitallthetime.你只想过自己会怎么样No,youdont.没有考虑过她Youthinkaboutwhatwould happentoyouifshefoundout.她只是被蒙在鼓里的妻子Youdontthinkabouther.你根本不了解她Shesjusttheidiotwife.我现在就用气泡垫闷死自己好了Youdontknowanythingabouther.这不是开玩笑的凯莉Okay,inaminute,Imgonna suffocatemyselfinthisbubblewrap.他们一起宣誓他却违反了誓言Thisisntajoke,Carrie.我三个礼拜后就要结婚Theytook vows,vowshebroke.r要是别人这么对我你会怎样?Imgettingmarriedinthreeweeks.我会杀了他们How wouldyoufeelifsomeonedid thistome你怎么可以这么做?Iwould killthem.你是我的伴娘How couldyoudothis我要抽身了Imean,youremymaidofhonor.我能帮你打包吗?Imgettingout,Iam.于是新娘跟她CanI pleasehelpyoupacknow不名誉的伴娘站着打包Sowestoodandbubble-wrapped,一整个礼拜幻想与三明治做爱thebride-to-be andhermaidofdishonor.hcarts;hcarts;让米兰达受不了了Aweekoffantasizinghotsexwiththeunknownman不管安不安全她都要见这个人一面insidethesandwichhadgottentoMiranda.听着这样很愚蠢Safeor not,sheneededtoatleastseewhoitwasshewasdealingwith.吃我Hi.Look,thisissosilly.让我看你的脸Eatme.虽然他很可爱米兰达还是走开了Letmesee yourface.毕竟他们有什么共同点呢?Eventhoughhewaskindofcute,Mirandawalkedaway.她是律师他是三明治焦虑了一个礼拜后稍晚Afterall,whatdid theyreallyhaveincommon在汤姆雷利住处Shewasalawyerandhewasasandwich.莎曼珊享受了安全性爰带来的欢愉LaterthatdayatTom Reymis,afteraweekofsheeranxiety,慢慢来hearts;hearts;Samanthaenjoyedthe饿的话厨房有吃的benefitsof totallysafesex.这简直再低下不过了Takeyourtime.Um,you know,shower,hearts;theresstuffinthekitchenifyourehungry.我跟我已婚的前男友Itwasthelowestofthelow.在他的午休时间到他家做爱Ihadjustfinishedmakinglovetomymarriedex-boyfriend背着他在汉普顿晒日光浴的二十五岁老婆hearts;hearts;onhislunchhourathisapartment老天爷whilehis25-year-old wifewassunningherselfattheHamptons.怎么了?Jesus.我这样简直像个妓女Whathearts;hearts;你为什么一直这样说自己?Could Ifeelanymorelikeahooker我们不应该再见面了Whydoyoukeepdoingthattoyourself为什么?Ithinkweshould stopseeingeachother.你已经结婚了Why把电话给我我马上打给她Youremarried.hearts;hearts;把电话给我Allright,handmethephone,Imgonna callherrightnow.hearts;hearts;这太荒谬了Hand methephone.你要做什么?Dontberidiculous!打电话给她And whatareyougonnadohearts;hearts;说你爱我要跟她离婚?Youregonnacallheratthebeach你不要我打电话and saythatyoulovemeandyouwantadivorcehearts;hearts;是因为你还爱着那一个男人Youdontwantmetocallher这跟那一个男人有关becauseyourestillinlove withthatotherguy.他有名字叫做艾登Thisisaboutthatotherguy.■你有老婆叫做娜塔莎-把电话给我Theotherguyhasaname,itsAidan!hearts;hearts;要是你想告诉她你早就说了-And youhaveawife,Natasha!-Give methephone.搞什么?是你叫我不要说的And ifyoureallywantedtotellher,you wouldhavetoldherbynow!WhatthefuckYoutold menottotellher!拿去打给她要是我打了Here,callher.你会支持我吗?IfImakethatcall...我们真的要这么做吗?areyougonna bethereforme在光天化日Arewegonnadothis,reallyK没有鸡尾酒没有旅馆房间只有现实?Imean,Imea...outinthedaylight,hearts;凯莉要或不要?nococktails,nohotelrooms,reallife.我需要多一点时间Carrie,inorout我星期一打给她Ineedmoretime.我得走了ImcallingherMonday.你知道怎么出去Ihavetogo.我不禁怀疑Youknow howtoletyourselfout.我真的有脱身的方法吗?Icouldnthelp butwonder夏洛特说的对ifIreallydidknowthewaytoletmyselfout.我到底了解娜塔莎多少?Charlottewasright.娜塔莎喜欢茶色玫瑰Whatdid IreallyknowaboutNatasha娜塔莎搜集古董糖罐子Natashaisawomanwholikestearoses.亲爱的?Natashaisawomanwhocollectsantiquesugar bowls.娜塔莎提前从汉普顿回家Honey亲爰的你在家吗?Natashaisawomanwhocomeshomefrom theHamptonsearly.我搭公车回来了Honey,areyouhere甜心?Itook theJitneyhome.亲爱的?Sweetheart凯莉我看见你Honey Oh!r等一下Carrie,Iseeyou!我知道你们在偷情但是请不要偷到我家来Wait!hearts;hearts;不要走我在跟你说话Iknewyouwerehavinganaffair,butnot inmyhouse!我的天Stop,Imtalkingtoyou!我总以为受伤的会是我Oh,myGod!Oh,myGod!计程车Ihadalwaysassumed theonewhowouldbehurtinallthiswould beme.到最近的医院该死Taxi!Taxi...她还好吗?Near...Near...Nearesthospital!Shit.她掉了一颗牙嘴唇需要缝针Issheallright有整形医生不会留下疤痕她吓坏了也肿起来了Shelost atoothandneededastitchinherlip.Theyhadaplasticsurgeonanditwontscar.她的父母马上到Shesscaredand swollen.我得走了Herparentsareontheway.凯莉…Ihavetogo.谢谢你来Carrie...我再打电话给你Thanksforbeinghere.hearts;hearts;有必要吗?Illcallyou.For what我们之间结束r真正的结束了Weresoover...凯莉…weneedanewwordforover.吓你一跳Carrie...你一整天去哪里了?Surprise.我去了博物馆Whereyoubeenallday四处逛逛Oh,Ijustwenttoamuseum.真的吗?好玩吗?Iwaswalkin around.很好玩Oh,yeahHowwasthat我去洗把脸马上过来Itwasgood.好Imjustgonna washmyface,Illberightin.我总算找到让自己Okay.脱离混乱的方法我回到家了Somehow,Ihadfound awaytoletmyselfoutofthemessandIdmadeithome.老天Imsorry.我们怎么会走到这一步?Jesus.我们是什么?How didwegethereWhoarewe-请用-谢谢Dadadadada我有事情告诉你你不会高兴的-Herewego.-Thanks.相信我我最不想让你知道Okay,Ihavesomethingtotellyou andyourenotgonnalikeit.不过我不得不说And believemeIwouldrathertellanyonebutyou.好ButIhaveto.因为我需要你的帮助Okay.好BecauseIneedyourhelp.我跟大人物偷情Okay.hearts;hearts;我发誓我的心跳刚才停了一下ImhavinganaffairwithBig.还有我又开始抽烟了IsweartoGod,Ithinkmyheartjuststopped.我抽烟跟大人物偷情And also,Imsmokingagain.hearts7hearts;你可以就此不理我ImsmokingandImsleepingwithBig.给我一根Feelfreetodeletemeoutofyourpalm pilot.认真的?Give meone.我需要ReallyIthinkIneedit.你真是个好朋友不要吸进去Oh,youaresuchagoodfriend.你不讨厌我?快说你不讨厌我Dontinhale.我不讨厌你DoyouhatemeSayyoudonthateme.谢谢但愿我不要讨厌自己Idonthateyou.持续多久了?Thankyou,now,ifonlyIdidnthateme.好久好久How longhasitbeengoingon准确的说是三个礼拜Forever!我深陷其中当局者迷Actualtime,threeweeks.我需要你拉我一把Iminthemiddle ofthisandIcant...Icantsee.你得说些什么让我清醒So,I needyoutoyankmeoutofit艾登怎么力Youhavetosaystufftoyank meoutofit.没错艾登怎么办?WhataboutAidan他怎么办?Yes,exactly!WhataboutAidan要是他发现我就完了Whatabouthim现在大人物开始有嫉妒心了Iwould dieifhefoundout.我怕大人物会打电话给他或者做其他傻事And nowBigsactingjealousandImsoafraidhearts;hearts;大人物已经威胁我要告诉娜塔莎了thathesgonnacallhimordosomethingstupid.你想后果会怎么样?HesalreadythreatenedtotellNatasha.我根本没有思考就是做了Well,whatdidyouthinkwould happenIdidntthink,Ijustdid.我怕我们搞砸了一发不可收拾And nowImterrified thatwevemesseditallup这会是个大混乱anditcanneverbewhatitwassupposed tobe.放轻松好吗?Itsjustabig,bigmess.我很困惑Okay,takeiteasy,okay他要我是因为得不到我吗?Imjustsoconfused.I mean,没错doesheonlywantmenow becausehecanthaveme你真正的感觉是什么?Yes.不要管他了你想要什么?How doyoureallyfeel我希望在没有人受伤的情况让一切结束Forgetabouthim,whatdoyouwantF•真是实际-为什么不可能?Iwanteveryonetogetoutofthiswithoutanyone gettinghurt.人们总是在有外遇之后-Well,thatsrealistic.-Well,whynot领悟到原先的感情有多棒然后回头是岸Youveheardthose storiesaboutaffairswherepeoplerealize我不看那种连续剧howgreattheirotherrelationshipisandend itwithoutanyonebeingthewiser凯莉你需要当机立断好吗IdontwatchLifetimeTelevisionforwomen.马上结束Carrie,youhavetojuststop,okay我正在结束Juststop.真的Iam,Imstopping.好还有谁知道?Iam.莎曼珊还有上帝Good.Whoelse knowsaboutthisSamantha...Oh,andGod.夏洛特不知道?要是那“地球绕着新娘转”NotCharlotte的夏洛特知道她会杀了我Oh,please,if theWorldAccordingtoBride至少你就不必当伴娘了knewIwashaving anaffair,shedkillme.当在上东区的米兰达尝试不去评定我Well,atleastyouwouldnthavetobe abridesmaid.在下西区的莎曼珊正在评定一群人WhileMiranda wastryingnottojudgemeontheUpperEastSide,这是典型市区男子的集合一小部分华尔街人士SamanthawasjudgingthecrowdatanewhotspotontheLowerWestSide.一小部分房hearts;hearts;地产大亨以及一小部分她睡过的人ItwasatypicaltenpercentWallStreet,tenpercentrealestate,hearts;hearts;hearts;tenpercentshed他叫做汤姆雷利alreadysleptwith.抱歉HisnamewasTom Reymi.一个曼哈顿传奇人物Excuse me.异性恋单身AManhattanlegend.性生活活跃Straight,steadfastlysingle简单点说男版莎曼珊andsexuallyveryactive.你好我是汤姆雷利Inshort,themaleSamantha.-我听过你大名我是我也听过你大名ImTom Reymi.我们该是时候见面了-Iknowwhoyouare,Im...-Oh,Iknowwhoyouare.我们有共同的朋友Itsabouttimewemet.我们该共进晚餐Weknowthesame people,想卜床吗weshould gotodinner,blah,blah,blah..hearts;hearts;Wannafuck不到一分钟你可以列入纪录我家在…Underaminute,youcould qualifyfortheOlympics.你荡秋千(交换性胖侣)吗-Myplaceis...-Myplaceis...hearts hearts;hearts;荡秋千?so...Doyouswing你是说群交Swinghearts;hearts;不是Youmeanwithothercouples荡秋千No.我的老天马戏团那一型的Swing.没在秋千上做过爱等于没做过爱Oh,my,soCirqueduSoleil.我一直很想逃到马戏团去Youhaventfuckedtillyouvefuckedintheswing.Ivealwayswantedtorunoffandjointhecircus.莎蛀珊…你上一次做艾滋检验是什么时候?So,Samantha...前戏可真多WhenwasyourlastAIDStest像我们这样性生活活跃的人是该问对吧?Well,somuchforforeplay.我三个礼拜前又做过检查Hey,anyone whohasasmuchsexasushastoask,right我没问题Iwastestedagainthreeweeksago.你呢?Imgoodtogo.莎曼珊不知道该如何回答How aboutyou她唯一做过的只有杂志上的性测验SamanthadidntquiteknowhowtotellTomReymi,hearts;hearts;theonlysextestshedevertakenwastheCosmo你有检验过吧?quiz.没有不过我很健康Youhavebeentested,right你没有检验过为什公呢?No,butImveryhealthy.因为我很忙YouhaventbeentestedWhy在俱乐部看着你时我就硬了Imabusygirl我们都知道Youknow,Igothardinthatclubjustfromlookingatyou.在秋千上会有什么样的激荡And IthinkyouandIbothknow但我无法随心所欲地与你交欢whatsgonnahappenwhenwegetupinthatswing.除非我知道你很安全But,baby,IcantfuckyouoreatyouthewayIwant,莎曼珊你该试试我unlessIknowitssafe.我就跟传闻中一样棒And Samantha...Youshoulddome.莎曼珊要先搞清楚Iamasgoodastheysay.她有多想要雷利Samanthasuddenlyhadtofigureout粉红色标签是我喜欢的justhowmuchshewantedtodoReymi.绿色标签是我非常喜欢的ThepinkPost-itsareforthegownsIkindalike,黄色是我不太确定的杀了我吧thegreenPost-itsareforthegownsIkindareallylike,andtheyellowPost-itsareforthegownsIdontknowifIlike.直接拿刀割我脖子Here.Killme,please.够了米兰达的是“现代新娘”Justtakeasharpobjectanddragitacrossmythroat.莎曼珊的是“纽约新娘”Stop,Miranda,youtakeModernBride,Samantha,NewYorkBride.我的是“恼人的新娘”?凯莉And Illtakewhat,annoying bride翻到页怎么样?Here,Carrie...211还好Page211,pinkPost-it,tellmewhatyouthink.皮包很可爱Okey-dokey.没时间谈皮包了Ooh,cutepurse!只看婚纱Nopurses!Theresnotimeforpurses!你的主题是纳粹婚礼吗?Thisisgownspecific!凯莉页Whatsyourthemeagain,aNaziwedding211很漂亮我喜欢背后的花Carrie,page211我也是我喜欢缎子蝴蝶结Um,itspretty,1liketheflowersintheback.你们都做过艾滋检验吗?Metoo,andIlikethatold fashionedsatinbow.早安你怎么突然冒出这一句?Have youallhadanAIDStest我遇见一个很性感的男人Goodmorning,wheredidthatcomefrom他要我做测验才肯跟我睡Ijustmetthisveryhotguy莎曼珊我们正在看婚纱andhewontsleep withmeunlessIhaveatest.能不能不要现在谈艾滋?Samantha,werelookingatweddinggowns.等卜你从没做过艾滋检验?Could youpleasenot talkaboutAIDSrightnow没有你们呢?Waitaminute.Youvenever hadanHIVtest两次No.Have youTwo.三次你们觉得长手套怎么样?Three.莎曼珊你怎么会没做过艾滋检验?How dowefeelaboutopera-lengthgloves她不是那个意思Samantha,howcanyou nothavehadanAIDStest只是…Shedoesntmeanthatthewayitsounds.Itsjust...。