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“回归现实〃纽约人满脑子想的都和性有关有人正在享受性爱New YorkCity is all aboutsex.hearts;hearts;有人想得到People gettingit.有些人却得不到People tryingto get it.难怪纽约是个不夜城And peoplewho cant get it.人们根本忙得没时间睡No wonderthe citynever sleeps,但如果你想和某人上床it*s toobusy tryingto get laid.hearts;hearts;有趣的事就来了But ifyou everactually domanage to get someonein bed,里面好像有坚果the realfun begins.我们爰坚果Thats thekind withnuts init.我和大人物同床共枕几星期后We loveour nuts.我们好像越来越习惯睡在一起这种After sleepingtogether formany weeks,感觉很棒Mr.Big and I hadgotten comfortableenough toreally sleeptogether.这是我梦寐以求的相处方式It wasnice.早It was the wayId alwaysdreamed itcould be.早Good morning.是你?Morning.天啊Was that you有可能更糟Oh,my God.Oh,my God.闭嘴I think it might be worseunder there.Shut up.Shut up!我已经濒临疯狂边缘满脑子想的都是大人物The nextnight,when Imet Charlottefor dinner.第一次他太累I hadreached myown transcendentalstate,pure Mr.Big obsession.接着两次则是…Okay,um,the firsttime hewas tired.我不知道…And the next twotimes,I...-很惨吧?•别紧张I dont know.你们两人的关系很好-Its bad,isn*tit-Carrie,relax.但事情并非这样Theres nothingwrong with your relationship.怎么了?Well,that*s not all,Charlotte.I,um...我根本没办法告诉她真相Whathearts;hearts;我怕她听了后会突然变聋I couldn*t bringmyself totell her.抱歉I wasafraid shedgo spontaneouslydeaf.你说什么?Im sorry.人们老是把性覆看得太重了Um,what,what wereyou sayinghearts hearts;这并不是感情中最重要的事People puttoo muchemphasis on the importanceof sex.对Its not the mostimportant thingin arelationship.就拿我和凯文来说Right.我们已经交往一个月了却还没发生关系Take Kevin and Lfor example.hearts;hearts;hearts;hearts;但我们会抚摸拥抱Weve beengoing outfor weeksand westill haventdone it.他真是太棒了他喜欢他充分尊重我I mean,we touchand cuddle,这段关系与众不同他来了but he*s sweet,and herespects myboundaries,and I like it.It makesit special.Oh,there heis.和好友的男朋友第一次见面总会有点不自在Meeting afriends newboyfriend forthe firsttime如果你不喜欢他?或者他不喜欢你呢?is alwaysa littletense.凯文这是好友凯莉What ifyou dont like himWhat if he doesntlike you・你好凯莉-你好Kevin,this ismy goodfriend,Carrie.如果你已经和他上过床了?•Hey,Carrie.-Hi.你们认识?What ifyouve alreadyslept withhim算是吧You twoknow eachother.我们约过会Well,kind of.对算是约会We used to go out.你们两个约会过?Well,kind of used togo out.真是巧You twousedtogoout.Thats sofunny.是办公室打来的我得接电话Isnt thatfunnyhearts;hearts;我马上回来Thats myoffice.I gottatake this.说吧什么时候?Fil beright back.三年前Okay,when三年前这我能接受Um,three yearsago.是认真的?Three years,I canlive with that.-不是-很好Serious为何分手?-No.-Good.Whyd youbreak up我们分隔两地但我…凯莉没时间客套了直接说吧You know,we werein differentplaces and I just...他“做爱成性”Carrie,we donthave timefor diplomacy,just tell me.hearts;hearts;而当夏洛特发现凯文为了她而强压住自己的性欲时Hes asex maniac.她hearts;hearts;决定采取主动攻势When Charlottediscovered thatKevin hadtucked hislibido awayfor hercomfort level,我希望你知道我对你的耐心很感动she waseven moremoved byhis restraint.你对我这么有耐心I want you to know how much Iappreciate yourpatience.足以证明你很在乎我Well,youve beenso patientwith me.长期的耐心等待使得我们的关系更具意义It showshowmuchyou reallycare.hearts;hearts;停一个地方就好谢谢And allthat waitingis gonnamake it all themore specialfor usnow.这样不行There*s onlygonna beone stop.Thanks.是我的原因?I dontthink thisis gonnawork.不你很棒Why Isit me只是我没那么有性趣No,youre great.是我的原因我知道Im justnot that sexual a guy.凯莉说你性欲很强Its me.I knowit*s me.hearts;hearts;她甚至说你做爱成性Look,Carrie toldme that you werequite sexual.hearts;hearts;那是以前In fact,I believeshe usedthe wordmaniac.什么以前?That wasbefore.服药以前Before what服药?Prozac.我以前的生活一团糟Prozac情绪不稳Yeah.I usedto besuch amess.药物是我的救星Mr.Mood Swing.但唯一的副作用是让我变成泄气的轮胎Its atotal lifesaver.经过一阵子后就成了变形的太妃糖The onlydownside isis ittakes theair outof mytires.没关系After awhile,its kindof likea taffypull.别担心Thats okay.我不会Dont worryabout it.我或许该说这种感觉很糟I dont.但老实说…I mean,I wishI couldsay Ifelt worse.我不会觉得沮丧But totell youthe truth,你想看影片吗?these days,nothing getsme down.不敢打电话给大人物的情况Do youwant to watch a moviehearts;hearts;已转变成精神性失眠症Terrified ofgoing toMr.Bigs我在房里来回踱步试着不去想我们不做爱for whatcould becomeanother platonicsleepover,hearts;hearts;hearts;…但当我看到新搬来的芳邻I pacedmy apartmentand triednot to think aboutour lackof sexwhen...却肆无忌惮地疯狂做爰时…there theywere,my newneighbors,hearts;hearts;这对情侣显然已到忘我的境界Mr.and Mrs.Get ItOn.而我唯一能做的就是…A coupleso obviouslyinto eachother欣赏there wasonly onething todo,突然间美好的事发生了watch.欲望克服了恐惧Then somethingwonderful happened.是我My desireovercame myfear.我现在可以过去吗?Hi,its me.Um...好is itokay if I comeover同时在西三街的极乐世界里Okay.西达沙正在帮助莎曼珊发现体内的新大陆1Meanwhile,across townat the corner ofNirvana andWest Third/hearts;hearts;把所有的气集中在体内与身体合而为一Siddhartha washelping Samanthaalong hernewfound path.你有反应Blocks are a connection to ourinner lifeand trueidentities.我知道You*re hard.世人对事物的执着与迷恋是依赖且不健康的I know.将会阻碍内在心灵的追求Our addictionsand attachmentsareaway toblock ourspiritual hunger还是有反应through unhealthyand dependentways.会消退的Youre stillhard.我也可以It willgo down.我以性感迷人的姿态出现So canI.穿着我的秘密武器那件紧贴着臀部的裙子I showedup athis apartmentfeeling sexyand confident,我已蓄势待发准备上阵wearing mysecret weaponskirt thatreally huggedmy hips.很漂亮I wasret togo.He didnthave aprayer.进来吧我正在看拳击Very nice.亲爱的Come onin.Tm watchingthe fight.凯莉拜托Baby.You...我想看电视Carrie.Come on,come on.加油Let mewatch this.拜托Oh,man!停下来Jesus,Carrie,come on!我想看拳击Would youknock it the fuckoff.好我走Im tryingtowatchthis fight.怎么了?-Just...-Fine,Til leave.・你为何这么奇怪?•我可能不够完美What...What iswrong with you可能配不上你完美无缺的生活-Why areyou actingso nuts-Well,maybe Im not perfect.完美的房子和事先预录的拳击赛我还是走好了Maybe I dont fit into yourperfect,you know,life,hearts;withyourperfect apartment,and yourperfect pay-per-view fight.我站在门外给他个机会Maybe I should leave.希望他十秒内会出来拉住我I stoodthere andwaited forthe obligatory,hes comingto stopme tenseconds.但他没有回到家时He didnt.觉得他应该会打电话来道歉By the time I got homehearts;hearts;你的语音言箱没有新留言I wassure hedleft anapology onmy voicemail.hearts;heartsd那晚我没睡好You haveno newmessages inyour mailbox.但我不是唯一失眠的人I didntsleep verywell thatnight.莎曼珊彻夜阅读精神导师建议的书籍后But I wasnt theonly one.她开始重获长久以来失去的感觉After anight ofspiritual readingwith herhunky guru,情欲难耐fSamantha beganto feelthings shehadn tfelt in a verylong time,于是她决定要终止这种折磨frustrated andhorny.但当她快到达She decidedit wastime toput anend toher suffering.西达沙所称的生命之门时But justas shereached theplace她突然决定收手1Krishna oncecalled thegateway tolife/毕竟她已忍了这么久she turnedback anddecided notto enter.hearts;她可决定要不要继续?After all,shed comethis far.为「消除脑中做覆的念头She couldcontinue notto cumat all.hearts hearts;米兰达租了五小时的影片在纽伦堡审讯的丹麦记录片In aneffort to get hermind offsex,效果还不错直到…Miranda hadrented afive-hour Danishdocumentary onthe Nurembergtrial.美女It actuallyworked until...Hey,gorgeous.一起玩玩吧她在考虑了Why don*tyouquick dropthis,huh这么急要去哪?Hey,she*s thinkingabout it.我有你想要的Where yougoing sofast有你需要的I gotwhat youwant.就像每个女人遇到棘手的感情问题时一样I gotwhat youneed!我需要找点事让自己别再胡思乱想Like everywoman consumedwith arelationship problem,控制双手别去拨电话号码I neededa projectto keepmy mindfrom obsessinghearts;hearts;hearts;三个月又一星期了and myhands fromdialing hisnumber.米兰达也需要让自己的手忙着Three monthsand oneweek.他打来没?Miranda neededto keepher handsbusy aswell.没有Did hecall已经两天了Nope.颜色很不错And itsbeen twodays.米色?Nice color.淡黄褐色Ecru我想我们完了Egg Shell.我不应该放屁的Well,I thinkits over.天啊够了Ishouldnever havefarted.Jesus,Carrie.Thats it.别再怪到放屁这件事上了我知道不是放屁的原因Fve heardenough about the fart.我觉得自己深爱着他Its notthe fuckingfart!I knowit*s notthe fuckingfart.却又害怕他会因我不够完美而离开我I just,I thinkIm inlove withhim好吧and Imterrified thathes gonnaleave me because Imnot perfect.把滚筒放下到其他房间好好谈All right.hearts;没有做爱他也没打来Lets justput theroller downand goin theother roomand talk,huhhearts;hearts;如果他一直不打来而几星期后我在纽约时报上The sexhas stopped.He hasntcalled.却看到他娶了个hearts;hearts hearts;hearts;What ifhenever calls,and threeweeks fromnow Ipick upThe New York Times,从来不会放屁的完美女人呢?and Iread thathes marriedsome perfectlittle woman你何时起这么在意完美?who neverpasses gasunder his$500sheets.不知道是他的原因When didyou getso obsessedwith beingperfect你该看看我在他面前的样子Idon*tknow.Its somethingabout him.根本不像我I mean,you shouldsee mearound him.只像他的附属品Imnotlike me.穿着轻薄紧身的服装Im like together Carrie.性感的凯莉随性的凯莉You know,I wearlittle outfits.我常得伪装自己搞得自己很累You know,sexy Carrieand casualCarrie.那就别再装了fSometimes Icatch myselfactually posing.It s just,its exhausting.让他看看真实的凯莉很迷人的Well,then stop!如果他不喜欢呢?Why dontyou showhim moreof thisCarrie Shespretty great.米兰达rYeah Whatifhedoesn tlike her天啊Miranda看Oh,my God!天啊Look atthem.我不知道他们也有下午场Oh,wow.如果有精彩好戏I hadno ideathey didan afternoonshow.就得通告亲朋好友When ashow isgood,大家全员到齐九十年代的剧院仕女word getsaround.谁说剧场已死?There wewere,the90s versionof MatineeLadies.莎曼珊真不敢相信你会放弃这种事Who saidthe theaterwas dead我根本不会怀念Samantha,I cannotbelieve thatyou wouldgive thisup onpurpose.多久了?Actually,I hardlymiss it.不记得了How longhas itbeen一直坚挺?A hundred years.看还是…It never goes down,does it坚挺Look,its still...麻烦给我糖-Hard.-Yeah.QQ快给我Gummy bear,please.看你大吃糖的样子Give methe fuckingcandy.QQ禁欲应该不适合你Hey,snapping overgummy bears一切等待会有所回报的mightbe a signthat celibacys not foryou.莎曼珊真搞不懂你All I can sayis thatmy bigpay offbetter beworth it.对面的人好像永远欲求不满时而你却在禁欲Samantha,I dontunderstand you.别抱怨了至少你可以自己解决There arepeople starvingout thereand you*re fasting.我那地方已使用过度了Stop complaining.At leastyou cantake careof yourself.当然需要相互配合才有乐趣Im waybeyond thatpoint.Besides,I thinkIve givenmyself carpaltunnel.r那姿势是他们的招牌动作Oh,sure.It sall fununtil youget to know eachother.已经一小时了Yeah,that moveright thereThats whatthey*re famousfor.他怎么还能保持…Its beenan hour.闭嘴How canthat guystill be...我飞快穿好衣服好像是在男生宿舍被抓到一样Shut up!等一下你要喝杯咖啡?I hadntdressed soquickly sincethetime I wascaught in the boysdorm sophomoreyear.不我迟到了Wait.Don*tyouwant somecoffee天啊真是摸死了Oh,gosh.Tm latefor athing.接着一整天我都没打给他Oh,my God.I wasmortified.Oh.想让自己忙于工作I didntcall himthe restof theday.I triedto losemyself inwork,但每次一停下来那声音就是挥之不去but everytimeIstopped fora secondtothink,隔天我意识到自己的行为实在太幼稚了Ed relivemy hellall overagain.所以决定化解僵局用成熟的方式来解决The nextday,I realizedhow childishIwasbehaving.全盘否认I decidedto stopavoiding thesituation andtake thegrown-up approach,我看到麦特画廊要举行哥雅的画作展complete andutter denial.hearts;hearts;这星期六你要去吗?Oh,so Isaw TheMet isopening anew Goyaexhibit.好Do youwant togo thisSaturday麻烦帮我再拿点酱?Sure.没问题Could youget mesome moreduck sauce,please我们可顺便去看雷诺瓦的画I mostcertainly can.我好喜欢雷诺瓦Oh,and thenwe haveto stopand seethe Renoirs.好I lovethe Renoirs.这就是每段恋情从浪漫转为现实的时刻Okay.坚挺我一定要和凯文试试Hard.我们都喜欢对方I havegot totry thisagain withKevin.爱的力量应该比药物强吧?I mean,we reallylike eachother.我可警告你们Thats gotto bestronger thana drug,right若我四个月没做爰得小心了天啊我讨厌他们Im warningyou ladies,hearts;hearts;ifImake itto fourmonths,Tm humpingone ofyou.Oh,my God.欣赏过性爱秀之后我们决定好好利用周末假期I hatethem.hearts;hearts;After thesecond show,each米兰达又去租了片子还拿到免费的糖ofuswent onwith ourSaturdays.宝贝你看来秀色可餐Q Q你要去哪儿?Miranda wentto getamovieand anotherpound ofgummy bears.美女Hey,hey!Its mysweetheart.Youre lookinggood,baby.Good enoughto eat.我有你想要的Hey,where yougoing,doll有你需要的I gotwhat youwant.你和我说话?Igotwhat youneed.我们对上话了各位你有我想要的?You talkingto meOh,we gota liveone boys.你有我需要的?You gotwhat I want我想做爱-You gotwhat I need-Uh-huh.我需要做爱hearts;hearts;我需要做爱Well,what Iwant isto getlaid.hearts;hearts;…What Ineed istogetlaid.hearts;hearts;…别激动我结婚了Ineed togetlaid.只说不做Take iteasy,lady.Im married.没用的家伙All talkand noaction,huh对她有种What agavone!莎曼珊决定练瑜珈来解决问题Yeah,shes somethingelse whenshes teedoff.很好放松呼吸Samantha decidedto channelher frustrationat yoga.除非你的手要向下移否则现在就拿开Good,now releaseand breathe.吐气…Unless youreplanning to move thosehands down,get themoff me.当她到达生命之门时耐心也用尽了Exhale,chaturanga dandasana...想做吗?She hadreached theend ofher pathand herpatience.Want tofuck什么想做爰吗?Whathearts;hearts;好Want tofuck接下来的儿个下午莎曼珊都在修练性爱术Yeah.hearts;hearts;那一晚夏洛特下定决心Samantha spentthe restof theafternoon havingmultiple yogasms.要证明自己比血清促进素抑制剂更有效Later thatnight,Charlotte wasdetermined toprove你的手不酸吗?she wasstronger thanselective serotoninre-uptake inhibitors.不会应该快有反应了Isnt yourarm gettingtired夏洛特…并没有No,I thinkits starting to work.我开始觉得有点痛了Charlotte...its not.•你还好吧?-还好and Imbeginning tochafe.我只是以前没遇过这种情况-You okay-Yeah.你觉得你会…Fve justnever beenin thissituation before.算了Do youthink youllever...什么?会不会重振雄风?Never mind.对What,think Illevergooff it不会Yeah.也不会为我而兴奋?Nope.不会Not evenfor me一个亲切体贴但对性不感兴趣的男人Nope.应该比满脑子只想做爰Oh,come on.Wouldnt yourather bewith aguy whoskind andgivinghearts;hearts;而欲求不满的男人好吧?and notthat interestedin sex,不对than anunstable,oversexed,prick,who onlywants togetlaid当夏洛特知道她无法获得满足时Nope.她觉得这段关系已无继续下去的理由Once Charlotterealized she couldn*tgetwhat shethought shedidn*t want,整个周末夜大人物都没打电话来shecouldn*t imaginegoing onwithout it.hearts;hearts;我生活陷入灰暗期Saturday nightsdinner cameand wentwith nocall fromBig.但我的柜子却是亮丽无比My lifewas suddenlyshit,谁?but mycabinets werelooking fabulous.是我Who is it给你个惊喜Me.是啊Surprise.这是做什么?Yeah.在粉刷Whats allthis我看得出来Fm painting.你怎么不打电话Icansee that.hearts;hearts;所以这就是r你住的地方Why didntyoucall也该是请我来的时候了So thisis whereyou live.我没请你来About timeyou invitedme up.我知道I didntinvite you.不错很漂亮I know.不一团糟Its nice.Very nice.地板要重换窗帘…No,it*snot.It*samess.可能要来个大整修The floorsneedtobe strippedand thecurtains are...不知道Its…Iwantto changea lotof it.我喜欢I dontknow.我喜欢房子的装潢陈设I like it.hearts;那一晚是怎么了?Ilikeittheway itis.是我的原因What wasthat allabouttheother night心情不好That wasme.好吧Having ameltdown.粉刷得不错Okay.淡黄褐色?Nice paint.对Egg Shell你知道窗户外有对情侣正在疯狂做爰吗?Yes.是吗?hearts;hearts;Did you know thattheres acouple humpingoutside ofyour window我没注意到Really现在我脑海中想的全是Oh,I nevernoticed.为何我们不做覆All I could thinkwas...hearts hearts;这样正常吗?Why arentwe having sex出了什么问题?Is thisnormal我们怎么了?Whats wrong我们可以赢过他们Where arewe going接下来他吻了我Oh,hell...we cando better than that.真是奇怪正常有时候反而令人不自在And thenhe kissedme.Odd hownormal cansometimes feel so uncomfortable.你知道吗?我累惨了Theres amoment inevery relationshipwhere romancegives wayto reality.我们今晚休息You know,youknowwhat Imexhausted.•好吗-好You mindif wejust callitanight对不起-Okay-Sure.晚安Sorry.这是我们第一次睡在一起却没做爰Goodnight.hearts;hearts;到下星期已经连续发生三次That wasthe firstnight weslept togetherand didntmake love.我开始担心起来By themiddle ofthenextweek,it wasthree timesinarow,三次?试试三个月吧and Iwas beginningto worry.-不会吧?-没错Three timesTry three months.到了三个月时你脸上就不会有这种恐惧表情-No.-Yes.抱歉我只是…Now wouldbeagood timeto wipethat horrifiedlook offyour face.不知道到底怎么回事?Sorry,sweetie.Tm sorry.你只是没有做爰I just...wow,I didntknow.Where haveI beenhearts;hearts;而我却可怜到只能去租录影带Youve beenhaving sex.累积的金额已可以得到很多免费的糖Ive beenat Blockbusterrenting videos.Its tragic.Q Q放轻松这只是一阵子Im liketwo rentalsaway froma freepound ofgummy bears.真不敢相信你会这么讲Oh,relax.Youre justinadry spell.三次你就大惊小怪I cantbelieve you said that.■而我说的是三个月•那不一样Youre allfreaked outabout three times.有男朋友却没做爰-Im talkingthree months.-Yeah,but thatsdifferent.hearts;hearts;比没有男朋友做爱还更严重Not doing it when youre with someone meansmuch morehearts;hearts;你到底担心什么?than not doingitwhenyou*re notwithsomeone.你不是说一切都很顺利感觉很棒?What areyou worriedabout对可能是太顺利了I thoughtyousaideverything feltreally comfortableand great.什么意思?Yeah,well,maybe toocomfortable.我放屁了What doyou mean在我男朋友面前放屁I farted.然后呢?I fartedin front of myboyfriend.接着我们就不做爱了Andhearts;hearts;他可能把我当成哥儿们And wereno longerhaving sex接着我要搬到另一个城市去and hethinks ofme asone ofthe boys.确定这个耻辱不会永远跟着我And Imgonna havetomoveto anothercity你是人当然会放屁where theshame ofthis wontfollow me.但不想被他知道You farted!Youre human.我是说他是个完美的人I dontwant himtoknowthat.有间完美的房子穿着完美入时的服装I mean,hes thisperfect guy.hearts;一切就是太完美…You know,he walksaround hisperfect apartmentwith hisperfect suit.而我却是个会放屁的女人And he*s justperfect,perfect,perfect,perfect.-难怪我们不能做覆-你哪根筋不对了?And Imthe girlwho farts.hearts hearts;三次而已这相当正常-No wonderwe*re nothaving sex.-Youre insane.谁说的?Ifs beenthree times.Its perfectlynormal.谁说不做爱Says whohearts;hearts;…那么以后怎么办?I mean,say itsnotthe...睡在一起却不做爰这很正常吗?then whatelse isgoing onhearts;hearts;那得看你对正常的定义I meanisitnormal tobe inthe samebed andnotdo it天啊真是讨厌I guessit dependson whatsnormal foryou.我怎会知道什么才算正常?Oh,God,I hatethat.我又没有身经百战的恋爱史根本无从得知Who amI toknow whatsnormal对我来说三个月算不正常Ive beendating ahundredyears,I donthave aclue.一个月时还蛮有趣的Well,threemonthsis notnormal forme.两个月就开始麻木One monthwas interesting.三个月我可能快疯了Two monthswas numbing.纽约有万单身男性Three months,I amgoing outof mymind.130万单身女性There are
1.3million singlemen inNewYork.180总共超过万的单身人口
1.8million singlewomen.300却有的人觉得没得到足够的性爱And ofthese morethan3million people,12%hearts;hearts;究竟多久做一次才算是正常?about12think theyrehaving enoughsex.我一天得手淫三次才能解决需求How oftenis normalhearts;hearts;有些人是咖啡休息时间我则是手淫休息时间I haveto masturbatethreetimes a dayjust tomake itthrough.有人说岁的女性平均一星期要做次hearts;hearts;Some peopletake coffeebreaks.I takejerk offbreaks.
333.5我很想知道她是谁They saythe average33-year oldwoman hassex
3.5timesaweek.从孩子出生后我和老婆就没再做过爱fd liketoknowwho thatwoman Is.明年秋天时小孩就要申请进入耶鲁大学You know,my wifeand Ihavent hadsex sincethe babywas born.平均一天一次但特殊的日子则一天两次The babysapplying toYale nextfall.所谓“正常〃就是理想与现实的中间点Oh,once,one timea day,but twotime onvery specialday.就算在这混沌状况下Normal isthe halfwaypoint betweenwhat youwant andwhat youcan get.莎曼珊的性覆解析仍值得信赖Even inthe plowposition,heartshearts;好换成狗吠式I couldcount onSamantha foramazing sexualclarity.呜Very good.Lets moveontodownward facingdog.如果是他我可以不眠不休大战一场Whoof.如果大人物和我一起睡却不做爰With him,Icoulddoitevery houronthehour.hearts;hearts;你觉得这代表什么?Do youthinkitmeans somethingif BigandIare sleepingtogether说实话?but werenot sleepingtogether我不是一向都听实话?The truth好说吧When haveI everwanted that我觉得麻烦大了Yeah,okay,tellme.做爰是检验彼此关系的气压计I thinktheres trouble.hearts;hearts;I mean,sex isa barometerfor whatsgoing onintherelationship.我本来不打算说但…我放屁了Well,I wasntgoing totell youthis,but,um...把那垫子拿走I farted.我不是说现在Then moveyour mataway.我在大人物面前放屁了Not now.天大的错误I diditinfrontofBig.真的?Huge mistake.又不是我能控制You think我是个人It wasn*tachoice.不你是个女人Im human.It happened.男人不喜欢女人像个人类No,honey,youre awoman,不能放屁and mendontlikewomen tobe human.灌洗或用棉条甚至不能有毛的地方就不该有We arentsupposed tofart,有个家伙因为我没抹防晒蜡和我分手douche,use tampons,or havehair inplaces weshouldnt.我知道I mean,hell,aguyonce brokeup withmebecauseI misseda bikiniwax.这是我们两人关系的转折点I knewit.我一定挽救不了了This isa watershedrelationship moment可以Im nevergonna beable toerase.只要和他大战个几回合后他就什么都忘了Oh,sure youwill.男人没那么复杂Just goover thereand fuckhis brainsout,and hellforget allabout it.他们就像机器一样Men arentthat complicated.集中注意力内心平静Theyre kindof likeplants.他在说我Concentrate.Quiet yourinsides.背部卷缩Now hetells me.朝天姿势Roll overon yourbacks.让呼吸在身体内流窜Take Goddesspose.吸气与吐气Let yourbreathing workwithyou.吸气In andout.吐气In,out.你想去喝杯咖啡?Ahh.分钟做了三种动物姿势后Would youliketogo fora coffeesome time45莎曼珊和西达沙坐在健康食物餐厅内一起啜饮绿茶Forty-five minutesand threeanimal positionslater,吃着豆制品Samantha andSiddhartha weresipping greentea ata nearbyhealth foodrestaurant,我每次做完瑜珈后就觉得精神奕奕Tofu orNot Tofu.通体舒畅I alwaysfeelsoamazing afteryoga.充满活力准备蓄势待发My bodyfeels soopen.莎曼珊So alive.So ready for anything.Samantha.什么?我是独身主义者Yes.必须遵守宗教禁欲Im celibate.我三年前就放弃性爰I practiceBrahmacarya,tantric celibacy.hearts;hearts;天啊为什么?I gaveup sexthree yearsago.再说一次为什么?My God,why你不喜欢?Or moreimportantly,why我爰死了Didnt youlikeit以前无时无刻都可以做爱Oh,I lovedit.有时一天和三个女人做但仍是欲求不满hearts;hearts;那么你现在对自己太残忍了Fd havesex morning,noon,and night,sometimesthree womena dayandIwas alwaysreadyformore.hearts;这才是纯粹的自我Well,now yourejust beingcruel.我现在的感觉比做爰还棒No.It wasall ego.hearts;hearts;拜托任何事都比不上做爱And whereI amnow isso muchbetterthan sex.hearts;hearts;想想看很棒的前戏Oh,come on,honey,nothings betterthan sex.开始激发体内的性能量…Think aboutreally goodforeplay.现在想像储存了三年的前戏能量Your sexualenergy*sjuststartingtoawaken.充沛的性能量在体内运行Now,imagine athree-year foreplay但没有加以释放where allthatsexualenergy iscoursing throughyour body,只是循环but itnever getsreleased.累积提升It justrecycles,builds,rises.直到体内的性能量充满全身我家就在街角Until yourentire beingis hummingwiththatelectric sexualenergy.但比做爰更棒的就是…不做爰My apartmentsjust aroundthecorner.hearts;hearts;hearts;hearts;真不可思议The onlything hotterthansexis nothaving sex.西达沙满口性事却不行动这是几个月来Amazingly,最让莎曼珊感到兴奋的性变态行为talking dirtyabout nothavingsexwasthemost sexuallydeviant acthearts;hearts;隔天我和夏洛特晚餐时Samantha hadparticipated infor months.。