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欲望城市(性覆专家凯莉布雷萧)缺点hearts hearts;每个人都有噩梦有些人的噩梦是穿泳衣Everyone has a worstnightmare.有些人的噩梦是知道自己的出生证明不能被销毁For some,its bathingsuit season.对米兰达而言她的噩梦是健身房的家庭时间For others,its knowingyour birthcertificate cannever belegally destroyed.hearts;儿童爵士舞有氧舞蹈教室For Miranda,it wasfamily hourat hergym.五分钟后开始Kiddie Jazzercise,aerobics roomone,每个周日整个社区都被儿童包围five minutes.到处都有他们的踪迹餐厅书店美容院On Sundays,her wholeneighborhood becameoccupied territory,under siegeto children.星巴克变成婴儿推车停车场They wereeverywhere.Movie theaters,restaurants,bookstores,hair salons...拥有属于自己的小空间太奢求了吗?Starbucks wasbasically astroller parkinglot.拜托不要乱碰Was ittoo muchto hopefor onesmall spaceto callher own有什么问题吗?Uh,dont touchit,dont touchit.Please他喜欢按按钮Is therea problem我在赶时间按一个就好?No,no,its justthat he really likesto pushthe button.这位漂亮的小姐说你可以按Okay,fine,Im inkind of a rush.Push one很抱歉Ah,Simon,see Thisvery prettylady saidthat youcould pushthe button.我确定这只是阶段性的So sorry.因为离婚感到罪恶而宠坏小孩Im sureits justa phase.Mm,yeah.The guilty,overindulgent phaseof ad-i-v-o-r-c-e.爸爸Daddy.我们的离婚更可爰you hadthe mostbeautiful wedding.我不敢相信你就这样轻易丢开And weregoing to have aneven lovelierdivorce.一段感情需要耐心和体谅I cantbelieve yourewilling tojust throwit allaway soeasily.夏洛特你最近一次最长的关系是什么时候?I mean,relationships takework.You needpatience andunderstanding.吃你的松饼吧Charlotte,when wasyour lastlong-term relationship那个下午就像历时六小时的前戏Oh,just eatyour muffin.有些男人用烛光和轻音乐引诱女人The afternoonhad beenlike sixhours offoreplay.方恩用饼干和家人引诱我Some menseduce withdim lightsand softmusic,发生这种事无可避免Vaughn seducedwith chocolatechip cookiesand relatives.我只是没料到会这么快It wasinevitable thiswould happen.我去拿面纸I justdidnt knowit wouldhappen soquickly.在他弄脏你床单之前甩了他Um,Fil geta tissue.这太残酷了Get outnow,before hestains allyour sheets.或许他很紧张Oh,come on,thats harsh.第一次总是很奇怪It could be he was justnervous.可能是喝酒的关系The firsttime isalways weird.我们整天跟他的家人在一起And hedprobably hadsomething todrink.那家伙的车开不进军库And we*d justspent thewhole daywith his family.hearts;hearts;真讨厌被我说中Look,the guycould notget hisCadillac into the garage.没有胜算的话Honey,Im sorry,I hatebeing rightabout this.莎曼珊不随便派兵Samantha was the GeneralPatton ofsex.-我喜欢他-那很好She didntlike sendingher troopsinto battleif shethought theywould lose.但他们不会在杯子蛋糕r加奶油-I likehim.-Well,that sreal swell,我最喜欢他的家人but itstill doesntget thecream in the cupcake.有可以上床的人选吗?But thething I like bestabout himis hisfamily.hearts;hearts;我试着帮你忙Mm,anyone thereyou canfuck他的家人…很有魅力What Imtrying to be helpful.就像汤姆克鲁斯Im tellingyou,this family is like...Theyve gotcharisma!家人应该是一段感情的阻碍Like Tom Cruise,theyre theTomCruiseof families.不是吸引Im prettysure the familyissupposed to be theobstacle我曾因为某人家有游泳池而跟他上床to a relationship,not theattraction.hearts;hearts;结果他是个笨蛋I fuckeda guyonce becausehisfamilyhad apool.我会到他家帮忙打奶泡He waspretty much of anerd,but,他妈妈爱死我了fd goover there and getall cocoa-buttered up.她拿多果汁给我喝His momloved me.多果汁?She wasalways servingme Kool-aid andchips.我当时十三岁-Kool-aid-Mm,yeah!你应该看看我古铜色的皮肤Kool-aid!I was13and,honey,you should*ve seenmy tan.成功经营一段感情是不容易的现在以指数方式持续复杂化In mymind,the complicationsof makingarelationshipwork当你跟某人约会时had justexpanded exponentially.有多少人在感情上受到影响?When youdate someone,当你跟某人上床是不是等于跟他全家做爱how manypeople becomeemotionally involvedhearts;hearts;hearts;hearts;在我还不确定我对方恩的感觉时When yousleep with someone,are youscrewing thefamily我确定我喜欢他的母亲While I was stillon thefence about my feelingsfor Vaughn,我爱她I hadno doubtabout myfeeling forhis mother.我们当时在尼加拉瓜I wasin lovewith her.参加和平部队方恩就是在那里出生的Then wewere inNicaragua...我无法释怀你救了五条生命with thePeace Corps.Thats whereVaughn wasborn.我不可能做得到I cantget overit!Youve had,like,five lives.不要轻视你自己凯莉I canbarely makeone happen.我知道你会有所作为Oh,dont pullthat self-effacing shitwith me,Carrie.我能做什么?I seeyou.I knowwhat youvegot going.-我不过写个小专栏-那就是贡献What Whatdo I do你在写文章你…-I writethis littlecolumn.-Its acontribution.你是对话的一部分I mean,you areputting it out there.You...要不是你我们就不会知道Youre part ofadialogue.其他人的性生活rI mean,if it wasn tfor you,we wouldntknow halfthe thingswe doaboutother peoplessex lives.非常谢谢你我在取笑你Well,thanks alot.不不能这样诚实地谈论性真的很棒Im teasing.我就是这样养育小孩的No,no.Its wonderfultobefrank andhonest about sex.性教育是我们的话题之一Thats howI raisedmy kids.I mean,两岁时他们就知道身体各器官的正确名称sex wasalways apartofthe discussion.从来没有什么小鸡鸡小鸭鸭的When theywere twoyears old,they knewthe propernames fortheir bodyparts.所以他们可以跟我说任何事None ofthis pee-pee andwee-wee crap,no,no.当弗兰尼跟我说她是同性恋And asresult,you know,they cantalk to me aboutanything.我说很好只要你不是共和党员When Frannytold meshe wasa lesbian,I said,我可不可以说我很喜欢你“Great,just aslong asyoure nota republican.”你真是个甜心谢谢你May I just say,I likeyou verymuch.你有跟蕾丝李说话吗?Oh,that*s dear,thank you.没有我跟她律师谈过So,did youtalk toLeslie today你知道吗No,but Italked toher lawyer.我要把房子给她她却给我胃溃痛Do youwant toknow allabout thathearts;很抱歉我又提起Im givingher thehouse andshes givingme anulcer.今晚我们来放松Okay,okay,Tm sorryI broughtit up.Tonight wellhave fun.我朋友凯莉会过来我们会一起吃晚餐去酒吧…Youll finallymeet myfriend Carrie,r可恶we*ll goout,have dinner,maybe well go to aclub...凯莉莎曼珊…Shit.这是我的好弟弟卫斯理Carrie,Samantha,很高兴见到你this ismy wonderfulbrother,Wesley.你们家族都长得很好看-Hi.-Nice to meet you.你们女士要喝点什么?Oh,good looksrun inthefamily.・四海为家-一样Can Iget youladies adrink你喜欢纽约吗?-Cosmopolitan.-Ditto.容我们私下谈一下So,how areyou enjoyingNew York她为什么在这里?Excuse us.那是我们的朋友你还认识莎曼珊吧?Why isshe here你知道她那副德行Thats ourfriend.I believeyou rememberSamantha她已经开始了But...I mean,you knowhow shegets.Like,look!他们在说话Shes doingit already.莎曼珊说有一个很棒的爵士酒吧What Theyretalking.我今晚没那个心情-Thank you.-Samantha says theres a great jazzbar that we shouldgo to.我们就去吧Oh,I,I...I justdont thinkIm upfor ittonight.聊聊天听听爵士乐Well,then maybewe*ll justgo.Talking andgoing tohear jazz.我的背后有你儿子的娃娃我喜欢把我的女人贴标签I thinkI have your sonsslinky embeddedin myback.我去一下洗手间就走Well,I liketo brandmy women.-爸爸-不要赛门Im going to use the bathroom,and thenI reallywill go.・赛门-可恶-Daddy-No,Simon!抱歉我在上厕所不希望他看见我Simon-Shit.我怕他会看见我Im sorry,I waspeeing and I didntwant himto see me.就不得不去看心理医生了I wasafraid hedseemeand thenext thingyou know,我去拿创可贴hed bedrawing picturesfor achild psychologistand thennobodys happy,right他伤的不轻可能要缝针Ill geta Band-Aid,huh我跟你去急诊室Hes hurt.I thinkhe mightneed astitch.你走吧ril gowith you to theemergency room.拜托Just go.走吧Please.要是在一个家庭里Just...go.没有人在乎你是否离去One thingabout families.;你或许不用再回来了If noones sorryto seeyou go隔天早上夏洛特被吵醒then you*re probablynot comingback.你咖啡滤纸放在哪里?The nextmorning,Charlotte wasin for a rudeawakening.告诉我Oh,honey,where do you keepyour coffeefilters你跟我弟弟睡觉?Uh..Just tell me ifTm warm.亲爱的My brotherYou sleptwith my brother你真可爱我是说他真的很…Oh,honey,你的阴道是不是被列为纽约的旅游景点了?what adoll.I mean,hereally...hearts;hearts;那可是曼哈顿最热门的景点Is yourvagina inthe NewYork Cityguidebooks而且全年开放Because itshould be,its thehottest spotin town!怎么了?Its alwaysopen!你说什么?What*s goingon她在我的厨房穿着你的衣服我…What didyou sayhearts;我突然间…She wasin mykitchen,she waswearing yourshirt,I...谁要你多管闲事…I snapped.莎曼珊等等Who askedyoutobutt yournose intomy...莎曼珊不要走Samantha,wait!我不知道你妈妈得过奥斯卡提名Samantha,dont go!最佳短篇纪录片I didntknow yourmom wasnominated foran Oscar.我喜欢她这样胸怀抱负Mm-hm.Best documentaryshort.我不想谈我妈妈I justlove thatshe stillhas so many ambitionsfor herself.我根本不想聊天Im notreally inthe moodto talk aboutmymom.不要碰它不要碰Im notreally inthe moodto talkat all.那部短篇纪录片有多“短〃Uh!Don*t touchit.Don*t touchit!很好你回来了So,what wasthe documentaryshort about,anyway夏洛特我发誓要是你再给我松饼Oh,good,youre back.我马上走人Charlotte,I swearto God,if youhand mea muffin,你不了解莎曼珊-Im outof here.-Honey,她的床柱使用过度you dontknow Samantha.都快磨成绣花针了Ido.She hassomanynotches on her bedpost,很幽默ifs practicallywhittled down to atoothpick.我知道你玩也玩过了It wasfun.现在可以回到蕾丝李身边把事情解决I know,I know,you hadyour littlefling and...我们没有办法解决Now you can goback toLeslie andyoucanwork it out,right你以为你知道我们的问题?We*re notworking itout.让我告诉你我们的问题You thinkyou knowWesley and Leslie蕾丝李很严肃Let metell youabout Wesley andLeslie.昨晚以前卫斯理已经两年没做过爱Leslies frigid.我的天And beforelast night,Wesley hadntgotten laidin twoyears.我简直快疯了Oh,my God.我跟牧师谈过看过心理医生I thinkI wasgoing outof mymind.直到我遇见莎曼珊我才知道我需要的是“性”Ive seena pastor,Ive seena shrink.所以那是件好事But untilI sawSamantha,I didntrealize whatI reallyneeded.Sex.是一件很棒的事So,it wasa goodthing.莎曼珊・・・It wasa freakinggreat thing.真的是个好朋友That Samantha...夏洛特Youve reallygot agood friendthere.我说的话很过分Its Charlotte.一点也没错That wasa terriblething Isaid.抱歉还有一个旅行团Yes,itwas.要到我的阴道参观Now,if youllexcuse me,I haveanother tourgrouphearts;hearts;我真的很抱歉coming throughmy vaginain tenminutes.你要说的都说了?And Imso sorry.等一下You saidwhat youcame tosay我要给你这个Wait!莎曼珊很感动I wantedto giveyou this.过来Samantha wastouched.那是夏洛特向莎曼珊说-Come here.-Oh...谢谢你跟我弟弟上床She realizedthis wasCharlottes wayof saying,hearts;hearts;进来Thank youfor fuckingmybrother.小鬼游乐室在三楼-Get inthere.-Ah!米兰达觉得她不想再退让了Hey,kids,Funtastics onthree.你介意吗?他喜欢按按钮And Mirandadecided shehad cededenough territoryto theinvading troops.是吗?Oh,doyoumind Hereally lovesto pushthe button.我也是Yeah好性感So doI.你跟我的书在床上That isso sexy,真的很棒you inbed,with mybook.再一次Its reallygreat.什么?翻页吗?Do that again.宝贝…What Turnthe page再一次Oh,baby.等一下停Again.我们慢慢地来Okay,wait,wait,wait.Stop,stop.要是太兴奋就告诉我Lets justtake thisnice andslow.我们可以休息一下And youtellmeif you*re feelingtoo excited为什么?and welltake a little break.因为我觉得我们都希望能成功Why我是说…Because I think weboth reallywant thisto work.我喜欢你因我“性〃致勃勃I mean...我也因你热情如火I lovethat you get soturned onby me,或许我们太急了andI am veryturned onby you and...算了maybe wevejust beenin too muchofa rush.Forget it.我不想算了过来我们来谈谈No,I dontwant toforget it.Hey,come here.我不想谈-Lets talkabout it.-No!我们必须要谈I dontwant to talkabout it.每件事都跟性有关Well,I thinkwe have to.我不想再谈到性Why doeseverything have tobe about sex!我从两岁就开始谈论性Iamso sickof talking aboutsex.我们走吧Fve beentalkingaboutit sinceI wastwo!我爸妈在等我们So,lets go.赛门这样很不礼貌你是…My parentsare expectingus.米兰达Simon,were not being verynice to,um...像公主的名字Miranda.不要说话了Sounds kind of likea princessname,doesnt it我要咬你Stop talking.想不想去玩具店?Im goingto biteyou.想Do youwant to gotothe toystore later那就不要咬我Yes.所有育儿书上写的折磨我都受过Well,then,dont biteme.■你有小孩吗?■没有See,Im inviolation ofevery parentingbook everwritten.结婚了吗?-Do youhave kids-Uh,no.Married-到了-终于我能说服你再搭一次电梯吗?-Well,here weare!-At last!他叫做罗杰科伯Any chanceI couldpersuade youto takeanother ride搭了一层楼半His namewas RogerCobb,他才问出米兰达的电话and itonly tookhim anotherfloor anda halfhearts;hearts;要是赛门没有尿裤子to askMiranda forher phonenumber.一切都很浪漫The wholething might have beenvery romantic我不穿复古服饰if Simonhadnt peedin hispants.hearts;hearts;我讨厌跳蚤市场不收集古董I don*t wearvintage clothes,问他是否被“用旧了…I hateflea markets,I dontcollect antiques,我们去看尼尔赛门的戏剧-花了六十五块-七十五Duncan andI wentdowntothe NeilSimon Theatre看一个英国演员假装口交-and spent65dollars...-Seventy-five.hearts;hearts;我不知道那是不是尼尔的原意To seea Britishmovie starsimulate ablow job.她有露奶子吗I wonderif thatswhat Neilhad inmind.hearts;hearts;没有Did sheshow hertits腌鳏鱼好吃吗?No.很棒Hows thepickled herring弗兰尼说你们周末要去露营Its verygood.奶油起司在哪里?Franny tellsme thatyou twoare goingcamping thisweekend.在桌子那边Wheres thescallion cream cheese我没看到Oh,its outthere onthe table.看冰箱里有没有I dontsee it.他为什么这么急躁?Well,then checkthe refrigerator.我不知道Why ishe soedgy不要让他的情绪化影响你I haveno idea.只要他一出书就会变成痛苦的艺术家Dont lethim pullthat moodyshit onyou.奶油起司在哪里?The minutehe gotpublished,hes suddenlythis quote,tortured artist.,在外面Wheres thecreamcheese要是不知道东西放在哪Its outthere.何必买这么多鬼东西?What*sthepoint ofbuying allthis shithearts;hearts;方恩我们来解决让你烦心的事if youcan*t rememberthe onefucking thingthat holdsit all together好吗?Vaughn,lets dealwith whatsreally upsettingyou.如果你希望把东西都拿到桌上Hm,shall we可以先拿青葱奶油起司Okay.If youhaveto have everythingout onthe table,珍纳和我相视why dontwe startwithsomescallion creamcheese就像两个没有签证的外国人Jenna andI lookedat eachother我…我得走了like twoforeigners withoutvisas.我要赶稿子Well,rm...You knowwhat,I thinkId bettergo.我要走了I,um...rve gota deadline.谢谢你的午餐和一切So,yeah.Ill go.发生了什么事?一切都很好Uh...Thank youfor lunch,for everything.不不好What happenedEverything wasgoing sowell.我知道是怎么回事It reallywasnt.他的前女友没有这么谨慎我甚至不想讽刺他Okay,I knowwhat it is.他写短篇故事His lastgirlfriend wasntas discreet.I donteven wantto getintheirony.好吧这下…真的变得太奇怪He writesshort stories.在这种情况下你只能傻笑Okay,this has...This hasofficially become too weird.好吧那是个问题Really Ina situationlike this,you gottalaugh.不过你们一定能解决Alright,its a problem.他根本不愿意谈But,youll workitout.•你要我跟他说吗?■不要He...He wonteven talkaboutit.我没有办法跟你谈这个-You wantme totalk tohim-No,no,no.没有办法?I cantdiscuss thiswith you.凯莉你跟我什么都可以谈You can*t你的性生活不美满又怎样?Carrie,youandI candiscuss anything.有七成的婚姻都是无性的So yoursex lifeisnt sogreat.So what其他的事更重要Seventy-seven percentof allmarriages aresexless.例如家庭Other thingsare somuch moreimportant.我发现我要分手的不是方恩Like family.而是他的母亲Then Isaw thatthe personI really had tobreak upwith wasn*t Vaughn.华莉丝我希望我们还是朋友It washis mother.说真的Wallis,I wouldstill likeus tobe friends.要是你遇见别的人呢?No,I meanthat.他们不会有我这样的母亲And whathappens whenyou meetsomebody else你知道的你知道我们是独一无二的I cantell youright now,they won*thavea motherlike me.我们是很特别的And you know that.You know thatwehave something.好吧那么…What wehave isvery special.有时间打给我Alright,well...Alright.-我会的■亲爱的Call mesometime.华莉丝说的对-I will.-Sweetie.生命中最重要的是你的家人Wallis wasright.有时候你爱他们有时候则不然The mostimportant thingin lifeis yourfamily.但到头来他们永远是你的依靠There aredays youlove themand othersyou dont,有时候是你出生的那个家庭but inthe end,theyre thepeople youalways comehome to.有时候是你自己组建的家庭Sometimes it*sthefamily youreborn into.你在那里做什么?And sometimes,its theone youmake foryourself.What areyou doinghere■会不会太过分?■在进一步讨论前is ittoomuchto askthat henotbe...只是为了确定他“那里〃还可以用-I dontknow.Used-Okay,before itgoes anyfurther,那就像吃别人嚼过的口香糖just makesure hisparts arestill underwarranty.离婚的男人有拖油瓶Its likechewing somebodyelses gum.;拖油瓶是一回事他们带来了小孩・・・Well divorced men docome withbaggage.特别是有尿失禁的小孩Yeah,baggage is one thing.But whenthey comewith kids...我是这么想的Especially kidswith bladdercontrol issues.把所有离婚男子集中起来关在一起-Heres whatIthink.-Mm-hm在接受他们之前先打听好他们的过去Round upall thedivorcedmenand keepthem ina pound.离婚不代表他有问题我弟弟卫斯理刚和他太太蕾That way,yougettheir wholehistory beforeyou takeone home.丝李分居Just becausea manis divorceddoesnt meanhe hasaproblem.卫斯理和蕾丝李Like mybrother Wesley.He*s justseparated fromhis wife,Leslie,・不会吧?•怎么?Wesley andLeslie・鹅妈妈故事里的人物?I dontthink so.-What isthat绝对是集中营的候选人Marriage byMother Goose我本来想邀你们跟他见面-Definitely acandidate forthe pound.-Mm.现在算了Okay,I wasgoingtoask youalltomeet himbecause hescoming我们想跟“蕾丝李的老公”卫斯理见面to visitme.And now,forget it.他在“耐司礼公司工作?No,no,no,honey,we wanttomeetWesley ofWesleyandLeslie.hearts;,hearts;我弟弟对我很重要And,P.S.does hework forNestleMy brothersvery importanttome,我不希望他被人观察和奚落我会观察他and Imnot goingtohavehim subjectedto scrutinyand ridicule.•你会被奚落的•我总是被奚落Fil bescrutiny.r你有时候也要懂得奚落别人-You llbe ridicule.-I alwayshavetobe ridicule.我知道Why cantyou beridicule foronce至于我并没有在旧恋情中浮浮沉沉I know.我有新的约会对象了As for me,rather thansort through the half-off bin,我在作家俱乐部餐会上认识方恩怀佐Iwas dating someonebrand spankingnew.现在的作家都变的比较好看了I metVaughn WeiselataPEN luncheona monthago.还要去看电影吗?Its amazinghow muchbetter lookingfiction writershave become.我得送东西到我父母家Still upforamovie在路上了Yeah,I justgotta dropthese booksby myparents place.杂志打电话给我It*sonthe way.GQ hearts;hearts;hearts;hearts;是吗他们邀你写作吗?Hey,eh,GQ called.他们邀我参加服装秀Really Theywant youto writesomething现在当作家真是太棒了基本不用写作No,they wantme towear something.不要穿着无袖拍照Its sogreat tobeawriter thesedays.Theres justso littlewriting involved.穿无袖的都不会得普立兹奖Just dontbe photographedin anythingsleeveless.我给你的一个小告诫No onewho wentsleeveless everwon aPulitzer.Its justalittletip fromme toyou.很棒的房子hearts;进来我一下子就好Hey,wow,nice townhouse!我穿这样不好见你家人-Come onin,this willonly takea sec.-Oh,no,no.Oh,God.你不能投到信箱里吗?No,Im really...Tm notdressed forfamily.我要是不进去打声招呼Can youjust maybedrop themthroughthemail slot我会有两个月不好过If TmhereandI dontat leastsay hello,youknow...好吧…Im lookingat twomonths minimumhard familytime.谢谢Alright,alright.Yeah,okay.妈我发誓你是唯一能杀死仙人掌的人Thank you.・方恩•左伊这是凯莉Mother,I swear,youre theonly personwho cankill acactus.叫你妹妹不要再带植物给我了-Hey,Vaughn.-Uh,Zoey,this isCarrie.它们不断地想自杀Tell yoursister tostop bringingme plants.我得劝它们远离架子旁They getsuicidal aroundme.你要我签名的书I havetotalkthem downfrom theledge.太棒了-Vaughn!-Those booksyou askedmetosign.-唐肯方恩在这里■他带了一个女孩-Oh,great,dear!-Yeah.华莉丝怀佐-Duncan,Vaughns here!-Yeah,and hebrought a girl!我们见过吗?-Wallis Weisel.-Hi.没有吧凯莉布雷萧Say,have wemet我的天No,no,I dontthink so.Carrie Bradshaw.唐肯快进来Oh,my God!我好爱好爱你的专栏Duncan,get yourass inhere!我好爰好爰听到别人这么说Ijustlove,love,love yourcolumn.妈我们不能久留I love,love,love tohear that.为什么不能你应该写写处女膜再造术Oh,Mom,we cantstay.有些女人到hearts;hearts;医院The hellyou cant!You knowwhat youshould writeabout Re-virginization.把处女膜再缝合变回处女Did youknowthatthere arewomen whoare actuallyhaving hearts;hearts;hearts;hearts;-真聪明是不是?-你知道吗their vaginasrestitched to make themlike newagain妈才刚完成一部生殖器毁损的纪录片-Well,arent theyclever-In caseyoure wondering,我还没有收到你的笔记Mom justfinished makinga documentaryon genitalmutilation.妈我没办法看那种东西Which Istill haventgotten yournotes on.我在他十二岁时帮他写了他的小故事Mom,I toldyou,I cantbring myselfto lookat thatfucking thing.唐肯你知道这位是谁吗?And Ityped allhis shortstories forhim whenhewas
12.凯莉布雷萧写专栏的Duncan,look.Do youknow whothis is你星期四晚上要做什么?Carrie Bradshaw.She writesthat columnwe love.洗衣服What areyou doingThursday night我在大学教授文化思潮Um...laundry.我想请你演讲I teacha seminarat Columbiaon culturalZeitgeist.“自顾自〃先生没有告诉我们他在跟偶像约会rd lovetohaveyou comespeak.偶像?Mr.Self-Involved heredidnt tellus hewasdatingan icon.你真的是个偶像Icon谁带女孩来了?Oh,you arean icon.You are.这是我另一个妹妹Hey,who broughtagirl・弗兰尼这是凯莉-你好Oh,this ismy othersister.你好-Franny,uh,this isCarrie.-Hey,whats up弗兰尼和左伊?(美国作家沙林杰的作品)Hey,whats up我能怎么办?Franny andZoey我以前太迷沙林杰了What canI say她会半夜三点打给我说我爰你…J.D.Salinger usedto getme high.他觉得我很好笑And thenshed callme at3:00a.m.,I loveyou,I loveyou.你极为可笑Beautiful andshe thinksIm funny.不要长舌了吃东西吧You*re hilarious.来吧我们吃点东西Put yourtongue backin yourhead,and thelox onthe table,please.r我们得走了Come on,everybody,let s...have somethingto eat.Come on!Yeah.亲爰的我们可以留下来Look,we...We havetogo.太好了Sweetie,we can...Well stay.就在这短短五分钟内Great!Oh,good,thank you!;I mean,really,within thespace offive minutes我想出了下礼拜专栏的内容受邀到大学演讲I hadnext weekscolumn,到扎巴餐厅大啖鱼类美食an invitationto speakat anIvy Leagueuniversity,现在离开?他疯了吗?and accesstotheentire Zabar*s fishcounter.你曾和有小孩的人约会吗?Leave nowWas henuts没有我也没有跟在电梯So,haveyouever goneout withsomeone whohad akid一遇到的人约会•我也是第一次No,but Fvenever goneout withsomeone I met我曾在电扶梯遇到一个女孩但不多久就吹了-on anelevator either,so...-Well,thats afirst forme,too.到了女内衣部门就分手了There wasa womanImeton anescalator once,but itdidnt lastlong.我曾和一个穿女人内衣的男子约会It wasover by the timewe gotto ladies*lingerie.他有点问题I dateda manonce whowore ladies*lingerie.开玩笑的That waskindofthe problemthere.我现在穿着短内裤Im kidding.hearts;hearts;你开玩笑的吧?Cause Imwearing pantiesnow.爸爸你看这个You*re kidding,right•快说对不起■不Daddy,look whatI found!你还好吗?-Can yousay youresorry-No!很幸运我通常用右脑思考-No,no,no!-Are youokay单亲父母的社交生活一定很艰难Fortunately,I mostlyusetheright sideof mybrain.我得帮约会对象买头盔It mustbe hard,having asocial lifeasasingle parent.hearts;hearts;我的在哪里?Well,yeah,itis.I gotto buyprotective helmetsfor allmy dates.赛门出生以前我的社交生活也不怎么样Yeah!Wheres minebytheway我是个脱离常轨的怪人Oh,truth is,I...I neverreallyhadagreatsocial lifebefore Simoneither.宁可结婚Im justone ofthose weirdmale aberrationswho...我喜欢稳定有规律prefers tobe married.喜欢有人等我回家I mean,I likestability,I likeroutine.我听起来应该很无趣吧Ilikeknowing therespeople waitingformeat home.说什么傻话I guessthat makesme soundpretty dull.你是异性恋中的圣杯Are youkidding米兰达在想一个中古男人You*re theheterosexual holygrail.在她现代家具上的样子Miranda beganto wonderhow avintage man你看给你might lookonhermodern couch.谢谢Here,here,here,here.现在邀你吃晚餐或许不是时候Thank you!当米兰达努力克制恶心的同时Probably notthe besttime toask youto dinner,huh夏洛特在赶走沮丧While Mirandawas dealingwith queasiness,她认为可以用手工松饼解决Charlotte washandling depression.就像奶妈以前作的一样Which,of course,she feltcouldbesolved witha homemademuffin.小夏松饼很好吃There yougo!Just likeNana usedtomake.但我宁可要马丁尼Charlie,the muffinsare great.奶妈都会做松饼替你打气But Idmuch prefera nicedry Martini.那是以前的我But Nanaalways mademuffins tocheer youup.我现在需要鸡尾酒你的伏特加在哪里?Well,that waspre-Leslie.我没有Post-Leslie,I needa cocktail.Now,wheres yourvodka你是新教徒吗?I donthave any.hearts;hearts;你们有什么事不能解决?And youcall yourselfa wasp.你有一场很美丽的婚礼I dontsee whyyou twocant workitout,。