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英语书面表达如何扩充细节
一、追加成分高考英语写作不仅规定了写作内容,还明确规定了词数80左右因为篇幅过短,若不能吸引阅卷老师细看以便查找诸如“高级词汇”“较高级结构”等“加分点”,自然影响得分档次在试题“注意”中有明确规定“
1.词数80左右;
2.可以适当增加细节,以使行文连贯”这里既规定了词数,又指定了充实文章的方法,即“适当增加细节”“适当增加细节”其中很重要的一个方法就是——追加成分[给学生实例,让学生增加成分].(提醒演讲参赛选手)耍守时、讲卫生、守纪律Pleasearriveontimekeepquietanddontlitteraround.Pleasearrivethereontimeforwhoeverislatewontbeallowedtoenter.Itsbadmannerstolitteraround.Andalwayskeepquietwhilewaitingforyourtorn.[分析]原句虽然没有直译所给要点,且灵活化解了难点,但过于直白、语气较为生硬;而改写后的句子则进行了拓展,具体明确如“forwhoeverislate...”提醒参赛选手迟到后果的严重性;“Ifsbadmanners...使用it作形式主语的句型,指出乱扔东西属于不礼貌行为;“whilewaitingfbryourturn”使用状语从句的省略形式,进行补充说明因此,改写后的句子更充实,更适合对参赛选手提建议的语境.(演讲注意事项)要面带微笑;耍讲慢些,讲清楚Besuretowearasmileonyourface.Besidesremembertospeakslowlyandclearly.—Besuretowearasmileonyourfacewhenyouspeakwhichwillmakeyourelaxed.Besidesremembertospeakslowlyandclearlysothatyoucanleaveacoodimpressionontheaudienceandindues.[分析]加黑部分是根据语境所追加的成分,如“whichwillmakeyourelaxed”指出演讲时微笑”的好处;“sothatyoucan...”为“讲慢些,讲清楚”的目的,留下好印象是“演讲”效果之一也是能否获得评委青睐的因素之一适当增加与所给信息相关的时间、原因、结果、条件、目的等成分来表达细节内容,能够使习作流畅、丰满,达到应有的表达效果[即时训练]请发挥合理想象,扩展句子(请注意括号内提供的语境)(
2019.全国卷川书面表达)(告知将举办音乐节)我们学校音乐厅将举办一场中国古典音乐会Asweallknow、thereisaChineseclassicalmusicconcertthatwillbeheldinthemusichallofourschoolonNovember8th.Accordingtotheconcertpostermanymusicmasterpieceswillbeplayedbyafamousband.(2019•全国卷I书面表达)(介绍语言能力)克服语言障碍WhalsmorewithagoodcommandofEnglishIcanovercomethelanguagebarrierwhichallowsmetocommunicatesmoothlywithBritishpaintinglovers.更重要的是,凭借良好的英语水平,我可以克服语言障碍,使我能够与英国绘画爱好者顺利沟通(2018•全国卷II书面表达)(通知学校放映电影)这部英文短片主要与我们学校的发展有关TheEnglishshortfilmismainlyrelatedtothedevelopmentofourschoolwhichwillgreatlyhelpusstudentsknowtheschoolshistorybetterandappealtoustomakecontributionstoourschoolsdevelopment.(2018•全国卷III书面表达)(介绍学校体育馆)体育馆已经建立起来,许多运动项目可在里面举行Tobeginwithanewstadiumhasbeenbuiltupwhichhasbecomethenewlandmarkinou「school.Moreverwiththestadiumsetupawiderangeofsportseventsareabletobeheldofwhichtabletennisfootballaswellasrunningcompetitionsenjoygreatpopularity.(2018•北京高考书面表达)(咨询来北京上大学)建议你上北京大学,中国文学专业适合你LearningyourkeeninterestinChinesecultureIsuggestyouapplyforPekingUniversityoneofthebestuniversitiesinChina.hsChineseLiteraturemajorisperfectforyouwhereyoucanbecompletelysoakedinChineseprofoundhistoryandrichculture.
二、补加语句补加语句是常见的“增加细节”的方法,这可以使文章显得错落有致,这样不仅使文章在形式上增加美感,而且使文章读起来铿锵有力,从而使作文在内容上更加连贯、丰满下面介绍补加语句的几种技法技法1列举具体的实例进行补充说明[给学生实例,让学生增加成分]
①我喜欢读书Ilikereadingbooks.-*Ilikereadingbookssuchasnovelsshortstoriesmagazinesandnewspapers.
②我要花一些时间和父母在一起Illspendsometimestayingwithmyparents.flIspendsometimestayingwithmyparentschattingwiththemanddoingsomehousework.
③我想找一个像我一样喜欢旅行的笔友Idliketoseekapenpalwhoisinterestedintravelingjustlikeme.fIdliketoseekapenpalwhoisinterestedintravelingjustlikeme.Ifpossiblewecantravellogelherorshare[ravelingexperiences.技法2增添与所写信息相关的神态、动作、心理描写以及背景渲染等内容[给学生实例,让学生增加成分]
①我有时去村西的小河游泳Igoswimmingintheriverofthewestofthevillagenowandthen.fIgoswimmingintheriverofthewestofthevillagenowandthen.Thewaterintheriverisveryclear.(背景渲染)fWeatherpermittingIgoswimmingintheriverofthewestofthevillagenowandthen.(相关背景)
②旅行了一周后,他回到了家Afteraweekstriphereturnedhome.fAfteraweekstriphereturnedhometiredbutveryhappy.(心理描写)技法3增加相关信息的时间、地点等内容[给学生实例,让学生增加成分1
①我要和父母一起去超市购物Imgoingtodosomeshoppingwithmyparentsinthesupermarket.fImgoingtodosomeshoppingwithmyparentsinthesupermarketandwontbebackuntilabout500intheafternoon.(增力口时间)
②我已经带来了你让我归还的这两本书IhavetakenwithmetheIwobooksyouaskedmetoreturn.fIhavetakenwithmethetwobooksyouaskedmetoreturntotheCityLibrary/增力口地点)
③(谈论善款用途)募捐得来的钱将送给最急需的人Themoneycollectedinthecharitysalewillbesenttothoseingreatneed.—Themoneycollectedinthecharitysalewillbesenttothoseingreatneed.Thiswillnotonlyhelpthemsetthroughdifficultiesbutalsoqivethemwarmthandhappiness.[分析]通过复合句来增加“较复杂结构”,同时也是上一句衍生的“效果”帮助他们战胜困难还给予他们温暖和幸福[即时训练]请适当补加语句,充实下面写作片段(
2019.全国卷HI书面表达)(介绍音乐节的情况)Asscheduledthefestivalwillstartat900a.m.onAugust15th.lItwilllasttwoandahalfhours.2Additionallywewillbefullyabsorbedintheattractiveandfascinatingperformances.3Andatthesametimewnwillsitonthegrassandenjoythetaslyfoodanddrinksprovidedbysponsors.4Fuilhermorewealsoexpecttoseeyouonthestagethen.说明自己所擅长的两项技艺AsaChineseImgoodatmanyskillsrelatedtoourtraditionalculture.ButamongthemTaichiismyfavoritebecauseitdoesmuchgoodtomyhealth.ImsumAmericanfriendswillbealsocrazyaboutitaftertheytouch_it.AndasyouknowChinesecookingispopularallovertheworld.2IthappenshatImExpertatitandImgladIopresentsometraditionalChinesedishestoeverybody.2018・天津高考书面表达邀请他的原因lWea「edesperatelyinneedofyourhelp.SoasthegroupleaderIsincerelyinviteyoutojoinus.Iamconvincedthatwithourjointeffortswecanundoubtedlygetgoodresults.Whatsmore21wille-mailyouourtrainingplansoonhopingyoucanoffersomeconstructivesuggestionsicgardingit.2018・浙江高考书面表达应聘志愿者的相关经验FirstlyIcanspeakfluentEnglishand11havelittledifficultycommunicatingwithforeigners.Secondly.Ihelpedreceivesomevisitingforeignerstoourschoollastyear.2Thisexperienceissuretoenablemetodobelter〔hisyear.互联网的好处TheInternetisplayingamoreandmoreimportantpartinourdailylife.Wecannotonlyreadnewsfromhomeandabroadbutalsogetinfoirnationsendemailsandaltendonlineschools.
三、增加过渡增加过渡是常见的“增加细节”的方法,过渡性词语和过渡性语句的使用是语言连贯性得以实现的最常用手段在句与句之间、段与段之间恰当地使用一些承上启下的过渡连接性词语,句子可避免语句陡转直下,不联不搭,通过合理过渡,实现语句的衔接顺畅这就需要考生在日常学习中积累背诵常用的过渡词例如表示列举的firstlysecondlythirdlyfinally;表示自己看法的asfarasTmconcernedfrommypointofviewinmyopinion;表示转折的onthecontraryhowevereverycoinhastwosides等文章浑然一体,提高说服力行文连贯,条理清晰[[给学生实例,让学生增加成分1].(话题家长用车接送学生引起校门口拥堵)Ourtrafficdepartmentshouldstrengthenmanagementtomaketheparentsobeytrafficrules.Ourschoolshouldappealtousstudentstowalkorrideabiketoandfromschoolwhichisnotonlyfriendlytoourtrafficenvironmentbutalsoisgoodforstudentshealth.Tnmyopiniontheuroblemcanbesolvedfromtwoaspects.Ononehandourtrafficdepartmentshouldstrengthenmanagementtomaketheparentsobeytrafficrules.Ontheotherhandourschoolshouldappealtousstudentstowalkorrideabiketoandfromschoolwhichisnotonlyfriendlytoourtrafficenvironmentbutalsoisgoodforstudentshealth.[分析]本段作者使用Inmyopiniontheproblemcanbesolved...主题句,其中fromtwoaspects让读者明白作者提供了两个方面的建议,并以ononehandontheotherhand进行展示这些过渡性词语和过渡句的恰当使用,使文章语言连贯、过渡自然、浑然一体.(去美国学习英语询问具体问题)Imconcernedwithhowfaritisfromthehostfamilytomyschool.Imwonderingwhetheraprivatebedroomwillbeofferedtome.ItendtoknowifthereareanyspecialcustomsthatIshouldpayattentionto.WouldyoupleasegivemesomemoresuggestionsonhowtogetalongwellwiththehostfamilyImsureyouradvicewillbenefitmealot.fFirstlyImconcernedwithhowfaritisfromthehostfamilytomyschool.SecondlyImwonderingwhetheraprivatebedroomwillbeofferedtome.FurthermoreItendtoknowifthereareanyspecialcustomsthatIshouldpayattentionto.LastbutnotleastwouldyoupleasegivemesomemoresuggestionsonhowtogetalongwellwiththehostfamilyImsureyouradvicewillbenefitmealot.[分析]本段作者使用firstlysecondlyfurthermorelastbutnotleast使层次清晰连贯,使文章提高一个档次,彰显作者实力[即时训练1I.用过渡性词汇补全句子(2019-全国卷I书面表达)Firstofall/Tobeginwith(首先),FmabigfanoftraditionalChinesepaintings.Therefore(因止匕),IamcapableofofferingvisitorsdetailedexplanationsonthestoriesoffamousChinesepainters.(2018•浙江高考写作)Welostourwayintheforestandtomakemattersworse/worsestill(更糟的是)itgotdark.(2018•北京高考书面表达)Inmyopinion/view(依我看),studyingforadegreeinadifferentcultureisnevereasy.Ontheonehand(一方面)theycansweepthetombsforthedead.Ontheotherhand(另一方面)theycangoforawalkinthecountryinspringwhenthegrasshasjustturnedgreen.Inaword/Inconclusion/Ioshort/Inbrief(总之)successisimportantandsoisfailurebecauseitsthemotherofsuccess.n.阅读下面短文,从方框中选择适当的过渡性词语填空近来,中学生普遍缺乏自我保护意识这一问题备受关注,请你用英语写一篇短文
1.概括中学生自我保护的重耍性;
2.就如何保护自己谈谈你的看法(至少两点)Recentlyithasbeenagreatpublicconcernthatthestudentslackselfprotectionawareness.Thereisalackofsocialexperienceamongstudentsandthereforelearninghowtoprotectourselvesisofgreatsignificancetousall.
1.Foronethingsecuritycomesfrst.
2.Foranotherthingprotectingourselvescontributestothehealthydevelopmentofusstudents.
3.Meanwhileitalsohelpstobuildamoreharmonioussociety.
4.Personallyinordertoprotectusstudents
5.aboveallweshouldstrengthenoursecurityawareness.
6.Besideswhenaccidentsoccurweshouldcalmdownandturntoteachersorparentsfbrhelp.7Inawordonlybythecombinedeffortsofeverysideinvolvedcanweliveandstudyinharmony.in.请在下面的段落内加上适当的词语或句子,以充实文章(
2019.全国卷I书面表达)(话题申请作为伦敦一家美术馆举办中国画展览的志愿者的优势)
(1)FirstofalLhavinglivedinChinaforsixteenyearsandhavinglearntEnglishsinceIwasachildIhaveagoodcommandofEnglishandChinesewhichisbeneficialforIntroducingChinesepaintings.Besides
(3)havingagoodknowledgeofChinesepaintingsIcangetforeignersandthelocalstoknowmoreaboutit.⑷LastbutnolleastthroughmyintroductionandeffortsIbelieveIcanstrengthenthefriendshipbetweenChinaandEngland.
四、详加描述详加描述是常见的“增加细节”的方法,这可以使文章词数达标、内容充实、结构连贯、语意顺畅[给学生实例,让学生增加成分]下面是一位考生的习作,请进行修改,以充实文章、突出主题一家英语报社向中学生征文,主题是“我理想的大学生活”,请根据下列要求和你的畅想完成短文.专业与课程;
2.老师与同学;
3.学校活动注意
1.词数80左右;.可以适当增加细节,以使行文连贯;.开头语已给出,不计入总词数Ioftenimaginewhatmylifewillbelikeinmydreamuniversity.[学生习作](得分16分)Ioftenimaginewhatmylifewillbelikeinmydreamuniversity.IllbeadmittedtoPekingUniversityandmajorinEnglish.Theprofessortherewillbefriendly.BesidesIllhavelovelyandcaringclassmates.Inoursparetimevariousactivitieswillbeheld.[分析]该文虽然把题干中给出的三个要点一一列出,结构清晰,还使用了一些高级词汇如beadmittedtoavarietyofbedevotedtovarious等然而由于简单罗列要点,全文只有约60词,且缺少连贯性,未能完全完成试题规定的任务下面是修改完成后的作文,请注意加黑句子对充实文章、突出主题的作用Ioftenimaginewhatmylifewillbelikeinmydreamuniversity.AsfarasIcanimagine.IllbeadmittedtoPekingUniversitywhereIllmajorinEnglish.Itwillhelpmehaveabetterunderstandingoffore®culturesTheprofessorstherewillbefriendlywithwhosehelpnotenlycanIenrichmykiiowlcdqebutalsoIcanbroadenmyhorizons.InadditionIllhavelovelyandcaringclassmates.Inourfreetimevariousactivitieswillbeheldtobuildudnurcourageandexperience.[分析]修改后的文章篇幅适中(120words)要点齐全、内容充实、语言丰富、句式多样、行文连贯,而且详略得当,主题突出文中“详加描述合情合理(见加黑部分)总之,要想使文章充实、连贯,就需要“适当增加细节”但是,这些细节的增加需要结合体裁、主题以及行文走向,“画龙点睛•”式地增加,绝不能毫无节制地乱加一气,以免冲淡主题,模糊文意,甚至“跑偏了”主题[即时训练]I.下面是一位考生的习作,请进行修改,以充实文章、突出主题假定你是李华,最近你的英国笔友James发来邮件说他的第一本小说出版了,并给你寄来了样书(samplecopy)请用英语给他回一封邮件,内容如下
1.表示祝贺;.感谢赠书;.希望提些写作建议注意
1.词数80左右(开头和结尾已给出,不计入总词数);.可以适当增加细节,以使行文连贯DearJamesYourssincerelyLiHua[考生习作]DearJamesImveryexcitedandinspiredbythenewsthatyourfirstnovelhasbeenpublished.Idliketothankyouformailingasamplecopyofyournoveltome.BythewayImalsoveryinterestedinwritingandIamanxioustoknowhowtochooseagoodtopicforanovelanddevelopit.WillyougivemesomeadviceImlookingforwardtoyourearlyreply.YourssincerelyLiHua[修改完成后的作文]DearJamesImveryexcitedandinspiredbythenewsthatyourfirstnovelhasbeenpublished.rdjiketooffermysincereconqratulationsto、ouon、ourgreatsuccess.Actuall、IhavewitnessedyourprogresswithadmirationalltheseyearsandIcanimaginehowmucheffort、ouhaveputintoyourwriting.BesidesIdliketothankyouformailingasamplecopyofyournoveltome.Icanhardlywaittoreadit.BythewayImalsoveryinterestedinwritingandIamanxioustoknowhowtochooseagoodtopicforanovelanddevelopit.WillyougivemesomeadviceImlookingforwardtoyourearlyreply.YourssincerelyLiHuaII.下面是一位考生的习作,请进行修改,以充实文章、突出主题(
2019.全国卷I改编)假定你是李华,暑期在伦敦学习,得知当地美术馆耍举办中国画展览请写一封信申请做志愿者,内容包括.写信目的;.个人优势;.能做的事情注意
1.词数80左右;.可以适当增加细节,以使行文连贯;.结束语已为你写好YoursLiHua[考生习作]DearSir/MadamImLiHuaamiddleschoolstudentfromChina.ImwritingtoapplytobeavolunteeroftheexhibitionoftraditionalChinesepaintingsatthelocalartmuseum.FirstofallIamgreatlyinterestedinpaintings.MoreimportantlyIconsideritagoodchancetospreadChinesecultureanddevelopmyability.So1thinkIamhighlyqualifiedforthejob.Lookingforwardtoyourreply.YoursLiHua[修改完成后的作文]DearSir/MadamImLiHuaamiddleschoolstudentfromChinawhoisstudyinginLondoninsummerholidays.PmwritingtoapplytobeavolunteeroftheexhibitionoftraditionalChineseDaintinas.Herearemyadvantages.FirstofallIamgreatlyinterestedinpaintings.Ihavereceivedsomeprofessionaltrainingsinmysparetime.MoreimportantlyIconsideritagoodchancetospreadChinesecultureanddevelopmyability.SoIthinkIamhighlyqualifiedfortheiob.Iwouldbeverygratefulifyoucould[ivemeachance.Lookingforwardtoyourreply.YoursLiHua目的扩展句子,充实文章方法在要点句基础上适当增加合乎逻辑的附加成分,如定语(从句)、状语(从句)(如目的、条件、原因、结果、方式等)、非谓语结构、独立主格结构、举例等,使表达更丰满,内容更充实,主题更突出特色结构多变,句式多样目的充实文章,增强连贯性方法根据行文走向,适当增加一些与主题相关的语句,或由要点衍生的句子,既起到前引后联的作用,又能补充些相关信息,帮助阅卷者理解所写内容同时,还能协调句式,避免句式单调的问题特色协调句式,结构多样目的增加凝聚力,突出连贯性方法根据行文或段落需耍,在句与句或段与段之间适当增加过渡性词语,或者过渡句,以使目的有详有略,主次分明方法根据提示要求,首先确定主要点和次要点,然后在主要点上着笔泼墨除了前面提到的采用“追加成分”以扩展句子的方式外,还可把一些主耍点分开详述,从而提升这些耍点的分量特色详略得当,重点突出。