Not Dead Yet《老娘还没死（2023）》第一季第八集完整中英文对照剧本

（布鲁克摩公hearts;寓hearts;）有人吗谁来救救我我被困在井里水快淹上来了Someone!Someonehelpme!Imtrappedinawell!Andthewatersarerising!我还是爱着赞恩AndImstillinlovewithZane!-等等什么不演完了吗-就像海浪在海洋中逐渐消散WaitwhatNono!Itsover...soareTheTidesofOurDays.（《人生高低潮》）我们人生的高低潮也是如此我要知道你怎么逃出那口井UghIneedtoknowhowyougetoutofthewell.还有你何时才会知道赞恩杀了你妹OohandwhenareyougonnafindoutthatZanekilledyoursister我一直都知道亲爱的我还帮了他Ialwaysknewdarling.Ihelpedhim.你好坏Youresobad.我真喜欢针对这次讣闻做调查OhIlovethisresearchforthisobituary.通常我在网路上搜寻只是要确认他们没有不为人知的第二个家庭UsuallyImjustGooglingtomakesuretheydonthaveasecretsecondfamily.・我能进来吗•你好CanIcomeinHello.你已经进来了我回答也没用Uhnotreallyafairquestionwhenyourealreadyin.我只是想确保你记得把垃圾拿出去把碗盘收好Iwanttomakesureyouremembertotakeoutthetrashandputyourdishesaway然后把开心果壳拿去做堆肥andcompostyourpistachioshells还有拜托你如果要偷用我的牙膏andpleaseifyouregonnastealmytoothpaste从底下挤不要像野蛮人一样从中间挤squeezefromthebottominsteadofthemiddlelikeacarny.真有勇气我欣赏他Thegall.Ilovehim.另外让我借放一些东西AlsoI-Ineedyoutoholdontoafewthingsforme.通常要请别人帮忙时不会先骂对方Uhyouknowusuallywhenyouasksomeoneforafavoryoudontberatethemfirst.是没错但我女友夏洛特要从圣地牙哥来拜访我FairbutmygirlfriendCharlotteiscomingtovisitfromSanDiegoButthemomentitstopsbeingfunweareleaving.有我罩你你也罩我Igotchuifyougotchme姊妹girl.嗨你在干嘛Hey.Whatchadoing去竞猜之夜之前我要带夏洛特去了望台来个浪漫野餐ImtakingCharlotteonaromanticpicnicattheObservatorybeforetrivianight.她想到很棒的队名好室友Shecameupwithagoodteamname--Roomies.很好喔-Cool.你的脖子感觉很不舒服还好吗Yournecklooksreallyangry.-Youokay还好我只是想适应夏洛特送我的毛料上衣-Imfine.TmjusttryingtogetusedtothisponchoCharlottegotme.她说我看起来像《惊爆点》里的基努李维ShesaidIlooklikeKeanuReevesinPointBreak.我查过了他很帅Ilookeditupandhesveryhot.•我以为你只穿棉质衣服-你才只穿棉质衣服-1thoughtyouonlyworecotton.-Youonlywearcotton!■好-抱歉我…我很累-Okay.-Imsorry.Tm-Imjustverytired.嗨奈儿HeyNell.准备好了吗强尼犹塔YoureadyJohnnyUtah对我喜欢衣服的触感Yeah.Ilovethewaythatfeels.・我好兴奋快点出发吧-再见100%pureadrenaline.Comeon.Letsgo.再见好好好去玩-Bye.-Yeah.-Havefun!该行动罗-Surfsup.玛莲娜你觉得艾德华怪怪的吗HeyMarlenadoesEdwardseemofftoyou他说他很开心I-Imeanlike；hesaysheshappy但他感觉相当疲惫也许是因为做太多爰吗buthejustseemssoexhaustedand-Maybeit*sallthesex我刚认识我妻子时我们老是摸来摸去IknowwhenIfirstmetmywifewecouldntkeepourhandsoffeachother.根本纵悠过度Itwasarompfest.对我想到了我写了你讣闻的第一段Ohright.Thatremindsme.Iwrotetheopeningparagraphforyourobituary我认为你会喜欢andIthinkyouregonnaloveit.念出来吧Letshearit.「数百万观众热爱观赏性感狡诈又邪恶的玛莲娜坤卓WhilemillionslovedwatchingsexyconnivingvillainessMarlenaQuintrellmanipulate操控密德顿瀑布的男人themenofMiddletonFalls但她的个人生活却有史上最劲爆的惊喜shesavedthejuiciesttwistofallforherprivatelife她被在同一部戏演出的丈夫抓奸在床whenhercastmatehusbandcaughtherinbed而对象竟是她的女性化妆师她也即将成为她的妻子」withherfemalemakeupartistandsoon-to-bewife.很辛辣吧Prettyspicyhuh说真的我觉得还有待加强HonestlyIthinkyouhavesomemoreworktodo.你在说什么Whatareyoutalkingabout拜托你喜欢的元素都有悬疑密谋爱情和限制级内容Lookitsgoteverythingyoulove-suspenseintrigueromancebeeping.等等抱歉你有听到吗Waitsorrydo-doyouhearthat声音是从箱子里传出来的吗Isthatcomingfromthebox■投降吧叛徒■我看看Cowerbeforemetraitor!-Letssee.我已经夺走无数巴西利斯克的生命原力ForIhavetakenthelifeforceofcountlessBezalids!这是他的《星际边缘》公仔是他最爱的电玩OhitsoneofhisStarRimfigurines.Itsfromhisfavoritevideogame.所有让他开心的东西都在这里Yeahitslikeeverythingthatbringshimjoy.他的魔术道具魔术方块以及电玩装置HismagictricksandhisRubiksCubeandhisvideogameparaphernalia.我以为他只是不让夏洛特知道那些一丝不苟的公hearts演hearts;规则IthoughthewasjusthidinghisanalapartmentrulesfromCharlotte.我没留意到他连自己都藏起来了Ididntrealizethathewashiding...himself.你觉得他为什么要这么做Whydoyouthinkhewoulddothat你必须去问他Youhavetogoaskhim.・你回来了•我忘了带我们的折叠杯-Heyyoureback.-1forgotourcollapsiblecups.好Right.Um...你放在箱子里的机器怪兽刚才发出声音Youknowyourrobotmonsterintheboxwasbeeping.搭载双引擎雷射轰炸枪的萨玛创X39吗MyZamatron-X39withthedualenginelaserblasters-对•它还好吗-Yep.-Isheokay还好我关掉了YeahIturneditoff.好银河系感谢你Okay.Thegalaxythanksyou.等等Umheyheywait.我不禁注意到箱子里的其他东西UhIcouldnthelpbutnoticeeverythingelseinthebox.我知道这不关我的事I-ImeanIknowitsnoneofmybusiness但…感觉你把自己最爱的东西都藏起来了butumitjust-itjustfeelslikeyourehidingallyourfavoritethingsaway.好谢谢你鸡婆给意见Okay.Thankyouforyourwhollyunsolicitedadvice.她来这里以后你一直都很不自在Youhaventreallyenjoyedyourselfsinceshesbeenhere.我非常快乐Imperfectlyhappy.才怪Youredefinitelynot.你只是我的室友奈儿YourejustmyroommateNell.好吗别多管闲事OkayStayoutofit.（葵克莉轻松小酌）•你开玩笑吗•没有-Areyoukiddingme-Nope.然后他说「你只是我的室友别多管闲事」ThenhesaidYourejustmyroommate.Stayoutofit.我心想…我应该提点他对吧AndImlikeImsupposedtosaysomethingthoughright我认为在批评别人的感情时Ijustthinkit*sbesttotreadlightly要小心谨慎whencriticizingsomeoneelsersrelationship.是这样吗Mmisitthough我之前叫你和菲利浦要慢慢来LookwhenItoldyoutogoalittleslowerwithPhillip你就不太开心youdidn*texactlylovethat.好但我只对你生气一分钟吧OkaybutIwasonlymadatyouforlikeaminute.・听你放屁■或两年-Excuseyou.-Ortwoyears.没错也许艾德华需要自己想通就像你之前一样Thatsright.SomaybeEdwardjustneedstofigureitoutforhimselflikeyoudid.室友快过来HeyRoomie.Getoverhere.开始罗Herewego.■室友-室友-Roomie.-Roomie.（欢乐咖）大家看起来都很友善Oheveryonelookssoniceandfriendly.竞猜同好你们好Hellofellowtriviaaficionados.我很期待今晚和你们切磋切磋Excitedforsomeplayfulsparringwithallofyoutonight.我们是欢乐咖WereTheFunBunch.-这名字挺妙的-没错-Thatsaprettyclevername.-Itis.你念哪一间州立大学才想到的Whatstateschooldidyougototocomeupwiththat（博士蛋蛋）喂Hey!你们吃过高达乳酪吗Haveyouevertriedgouda那是最有趣的乳酪Itsthemostfunofthecheeses.是味觉的馈赠Itsarealgifttothepalate.这个态度很好莱克希-ThatisthespiritLexiokay我们玩得尽兴这最重要好吗Wewillhavefunandthatisthepointokay大家好吗Howseverybodydoing・竞猜-第一类题目是魔术Trivia!FirstcategoryisMagic就像拿着麦克风的我kindoflikemeonthismic.（竞猜之夜）这位生于二十世纪初的魔术师相当知名Thisturn-of-the-20thcenturymagicianbecamesofamous他的巡回魔术表演需要用八个铁路车厢thathistravelingmagicshowrequiredeighttraincars.天啊我完全不懂魔术奈儿GodIdontknowanythingaboutmagic.-Nell史上最伟大的魔术师IfIwastoguessIwouldsaymmgreatestmagicianofalltime...就猜克里斯安吉尔吗Letsgowith...CrissAngel不克里斯安吉尔很烂是魔术界的耻辱No!CrissAngelisahackandanembarrassment克里斯安吉尔也不是生于二十世纪初andCrissAngelwasnttheturnofthe20thcentury.是霍华萨斯顿It*sHowardThurston.宝贝你怎么这么懂魔术Babehowdoyouknowsomuchaboutmagic我侄子正处在喜欢变魔术的阶段Mynephewisinabitofamagicphaserightnow.他…老是讲个不停Hedoesn*tshutupaboutit.他是蠢蛋Heskindofadoofus.感觉你侄子知道自己本色也欣然接受Justsoundslikeyournephewknowswhoheisandisfinewithit他不介意让别人知道自己是书呆子andyouknowdoesnrtmindlettinghisnerdflagfly.对他是蠢蛋Yeah.Hesadoofus.好你想写什么就写吧Okayyouwritewhateveryouwanttowritedown.我要…我要去休息一下Imjust-I-Ineedabreak.一天啊-你好Ah!Oh.Hello.你对艾德华的措辞太含蓄了YourebeingtoosubtlewithEdward.你得更单刀直入Youneedtobemoredirect.告诉他他不能隐藏真实的自我Tellhimhecanthidehistrueself.玛莲娜拜托OhMarlenacomeon.拜托不要搞八点档那一套好吗Juststoppushingthedramaokay这是我的人生不是愚蠢的电视剧Thisismylifenotsomesillysoapopera.我的人生也不是愚蠢的电视剧Wellmylifeisntanysillysoapoperaeither-所以我很讨厌你写的讣闻■什么whichiswhyIhatedwhatyouwrote.-What你口中所说的「史上最劲爆的惊喜」-Whatyoureferredtoasthejuiciesttwistofall是我经历过最痛苦的时期wasoneofthemostpainfulthingsIveeverbeenthrough.我多年来一直隐藏性向努力要达成别人的期望Ispentsomanyyearsintheclosettryingtoliveuptoexpectations我浪费了很多时间否定我自己andIwastedsomuchtimedenyingwhoIwas.如果我朋友给我忠告Icouldrvebeenwithmywifesomuchsooner我就能更早和我妻子在一起ifafriendwouldhavejusttoldmewhatIneededtohear只要某个人鼓励我真实的那一面justsomeonetoencouragemygenuineauthenticself.在大银幕上扮演别人是一回事Pretendingtobesomeoneyourenotonthescreenisonething但私底下还在假装会让人身心俱疲butpretendinginyourpersonallifeisjustdownrightdebilitating.帮帮他Helphim.我…他也许不觉得我们是朋友I-Iwouldntsayhethinkswerefriends.真可惜Wellthatsashame因为在我看来你的确是他朋友causeitsurelookslikeyouaretome.-是吗■对-Yeah-Yes.谢谢玛莲娜ThanksMarlena.我会写一篇你应得的讣闻Imgonnawriteyouthatobituaryyoudeserve.我知道你会OhIknowyouare...不然我就附身在你爱的人身上...orrilpossessomeoneyoulove.我的人生好诡异Mylifeisweird.不好意思艾德华我们能私底下聊聊吗UhumexcusemeEdwardcouldwetalkprivately我得跟你讨论电费的事UmI-Ineedtotalktoyouabouttheelectricbill.我不想跟你讨论电费的事Idon*twanttotalkabouttheelectricbill.如果不讨论我们就会被断电Yeahwell；unlesswetalkaboutitthenthepowersgonnagetshutoff这样就会浪费很多燕麦奶andweregoingtowastealotofoatmilk.燕麦奶不会馔掉-Oatmilkdoesntgobad.跟我来就对了Justcomewithme.谢谢Thankyou.怎样What听着我…LookIum-我知道你只把我当室友Iknowyouonlythinkofmeasyourroommate但我把你当朋友butIthinkofyouasmyfriend身为你的朋友我必须给你忠告andasyourfriendTmgonnatellyouwhatyouneedtohear.你这种做法不健康Whatyouredoingisnothealthy.隐藏自我不只是在骗夏洛特还是在骗自己HidingwhoyouareyourenotjustlyingtoCharlotte.Yourelyingtoyourself.奈儿我35岁了我厌倦了独自一人NellIm35yearsoldandFmtiredofbeingalone.反正我也看得出来你比较喜欢这样的我AndIcantellthatyoulikethisversionofmebetteranyway.我真心喜欢你真实的模样Igenuinelyliketherealyou.你聪明风趣而且诚实到不行Youresmartandyourefunnyandyourewildlyhonest虽然会让人心情不好但也很有新鲜感whichcanbeuhreallyfrustratingbutitsalsosoveryrefreshing.如果你真的想认真经营这段感情Ifyoureallywanttogivethisrelationshipachance你就必须让夏洛特知道你原本的样子好吗yougottoshowCharlottewhoyoureallyareokay你们都该拥有更好的关系Youbothdeservethat.好我相信你OkayItrustyou.好Okay.对了我真的忘了缴电费AlsobythewayI-Ididforgettopaytheelectricbill.我们里头见Filseeyouinside.好像跟小孩住在一起一样Itslikelivingwithachild.快输了别难过州立大学DontbesadthatyourelosingStateSchool.我不是念州立大学我参加过奥hearts;运hearts;Ididntgotoastateschool.IwenttotheOlympics.让我猜马术吗Ohletmeguess-dressage看看我我骑着超贵的马Lookatme.Tmridingafancyhorse.-超贵-别闹了Ohfancy.Stopit.你们的姿势不对Thatsnotproperform!抱歉珊姆但我得走了ImsorrySambutIneedtoleave.我就快变成Iamonthevergeofbecomingaversionofmyself很多人不喜欢靠近的那种人thatnotalotofpeopleliketobearound说真的我也不在乎了andfranklyIdontreallycareforiteither.不要留下来Nonostay.你今晚的努力让我感到很骄傲Iamsoproudofalltheworkthatyouvedoneheretonight但我不希望你彻底改变个性butIdontwanttochangecompletelywhoyouare因为我认为我们现在很需要冷酷无情的莱克希becauseIthinkallofuscouldusealittlecutthroatLexirightnow.・你是说…-干掉那些臭三八Areyousaying...Letscutabitch.-来了.拿着Therewego.-Holdthese.来对干吧Letsupboys.哪一州的首府…Namethestatecapitalof-波夕多佛凤hearts;凰hearts;城小岩城Boise.Dover.Phoenix.LittleRock.朱诺杰克森托皮卡特伦顿俾斯麦Juneau.Jackson.Topeka.Trenton.Bismarck.•我讲对了就跟我说葵克莉・托皮卡StopmewhenyouvehearditCricket.-Topeka!黄金城市加把劲笨蛋-TheGoldenCity.Giddyupturds.・胡迪尼•正确-Houdini.-Yes.-《太空侵略者》-正确-SpaceInvaders.-Yes.-密卡登-正确-Megatron.-Yes.-《侵略者Zim》-正确-InvaderZim.-Yes.一天啊-真扯-OhmyGod!-Bull-《天外魔花》•正确InvasionoftheBodySnatchers.1978年的版本The1978version.这款多人电玩的背景在外太空Thismulti-playervideogametakesplaceinouterspace游戏玩法超过六百小时…anditcontainsover600hoursofgameplay.《星际边缘》其实包含超过六百小时的可能玩法StarRimanditactuallycontainsover600hoursofpotentialgameplay.主故事线最短可以在两百小时内完成Themainstorylinecanbecompletedinaslittleas200hours诚如」ceKing32在实况平台上竞速破关的范例asseeninthespeedrunperformedbyUnderscoreIceKing32onTwitch.（好室友］现在要公布最终成绩了Andnowitistimetoannouncethefinalscores.博士蛋蛋得到38分P.H.DeezNutscominginatahot38points.在后面引人注目的是欢乐咖分数高达46分AndthenmakingnewsbackthereisTheFunBunchwithawhopping46points.我要挪出空间给她用andIneedtomakeroomforher.我终于要见到夏洛特了吗ImfinallygonnameetCharlotte女友要来经典的桥段Oohthegirlfriendscoming.Ohclassiccomplication.不知道她是不是大烂人或爱嫉妒的泼妇Iwonderifshesgonnabeacompletenightmareorajealousvixen.或是刚从昏迷中苏醒会梦游的连环杀手Orasleepwalkingserialkillerthatjustgotoutofacoma..第23季-第23季-Season23!-Season23!•还有一箱吗-对-Whoaanotherone-Yeah.听我说这是她第一次来我的住处Listenthisisthefirsttimesheseverbeeninmyspace我希望一切很完美andIjustneedeverythingtobeperfect.等等她真的没来过吗Waitsheseriouslyhasneverbeenherebefore没有我每个周末都会去找她NoIgothereeveryweekendfromFridayat6:00从周五六点到周日四点tillSundayat4:00时间刚好足够去健行吃塔可饼和做hearts;爱hearts;whichistheperfectamountoftimeforhikingtacosandsex.很多次Multipletimes.-可以不要说了吗-继续说-Canyoupleasestop-Ohgoon.这算是我们感情的重大关卡We*rekindofatamakeitorbreakitpointinourrelationship我认为如果一切顺利她可能会搬来跟我们住andIthinkifthingsgowellshemightmoveinwithus.好祝你有美好的一天Okayhaveaniceday.他刚刚说「搬来跟我们住」吗-对DidhejustsaymoveinwithusYes.他留下了悬念Hejustletithangintheair好像在求你看完片头卡司后继续看好耶Yes!最后以62分超高分夺冠的是Andcominginatastaggering62points好室友it*sTheRoomies!Yay!太棒了老兄Yes!Dude!我都不知道你这么了解那些东西Ihadnoideathatyouknewsomuchaboutallthatstuffyouknewabout.夏洛特我侄子不是蠢蛋Charlottemynephewisntadoofus.我才是蠢蛋Imadoofus.我们如果想成功走下去Ifthisrelationshipisgonnawork你就必须知道我是个会玩电玩IthinkyouneedtoknowthatImavideo-game-playing解魔术方块收集可动公仔的书呆子Rubik^-Cube-solving；action-figure-collectingnerd.另外特别呵护煎锅的人不是奈儿AndalsoNellisnttheonewhorsparticularaboutskilletcare.是我Iam.对还有这个毛料上衣・・・Yeah.Alsothisumponcho感觉很像砂纸我要脱下来itfeelslikesandpaperandImgonnatake永远都不hearts;穿hearts;了itoffforever.好的Okayokay.（《星际边缘》）我还会变魔术AndIdomagic.这是你的杯垫吗Isthisyourcoaster・现在是了■终于出现了-Itisnow.-Thereheis.我好高兴我们能坦诚相对Iamsohappythatwerebeinghonest因为我也没有坦白告诉你一些事becauseIhavebeenholdingbacksomethingsaswell.艾德华我知道你是环保律师UmEdwardIknowyoureanenvironmentallawyer...但我超讨厌纸吸管...butIhatethesepaperstraws.那很没用Theyrecompletelyuseless.再说一个人是能怎样影响环境呢Besideshowmuchcanonepersonreallydofortheenvironmentanyway回收真的有意义吗Anddoesrecyclingreallymatter我去帮大家拿真正的吸管Imgonnagogetussomerealstraws.我要告诉我父母我在和海龟杀手交往ImgonnahavetotellmyparentsImsleepingwithaturtlemurderer.嗨你和夏洛特还好吗Hey.HowditgowithCharlotte夏洛特坦承她都把钥匙和钱包CharlotteconfessedthatthecompostbinIgother放在我送她的堆肥桶里iswhereshekeepsherkeysandherwallet.我坦承《储物狂》会让我做恶梦IconfessedthatHoardersgivesmenightterrors.所以我们决定暂时分手So...wedecidedtotakeabreak.我之前太专注于满足她的需求IthinkIwassofocusedonwhatshewanted没有花时间思考我的需求IdidntreallytakethetimetoconsiderwhatIwanted.这是什么-Whatisthis我要让你知道你在我身边时不必假装-1thoughtyoushouldknowthatyoudonthavetohidewhoyouarearoundme.《星际边缘》里没有老鼠弓箭手但谢谢你TherearenoRatArchersinStarRimbutthankyou.没问题Yougotit.Jll页便告诉你Andjustsoyouknow我在你身边时也不会假装ImnotgoingtohidewhoIamaroundyoueither.好Okay我就不管你这个恶心的小白Filletyoubealittledisgustingtroll...因为你是我的朋友...becauseyou*remyfriend.你说了我是你的朋友Yousaidit.Imyourfriend.-我是你的朋友吗-又寸・Imyourfriend-Yeah.我是你的朋友你是我的朋友ImyourfriendYouremyfriend.-我不喜欢你这样-好不能反悔Idonrtlikethat.Idontlikethat.Okay.Nobacksies.糟糕Whoops.•这是身为朋友给你的忠告•请说Iamsayingthisasyourfriend.-Yeah你是很烂的室友-Youreaterribleroommate.likehewasbeggingyoutocomebackaftertheopeningcredits.（还不快乐还没准备好还没结婚还无法活得自hearts;由hearts;自在）（还没有成就感还没成功还没赚大钱还没了却遗憾］（还没长大］《老娘还没死》第一季第八集（《索科尔独hearts;立hearts;报》）我想像不出他的女友是什么样的人Ijustcantimaginewhatthisgirlfriend^like.如果艾德华对你订了三十条规则想想他会怎么对待她ImeanifEdwardhas30rulesforyouimaginehowmanyhehasforher对但如果她跟他很像呢Ohyeahbutwhatifshesjustlikehim我真的…我没办法跟两个艾德华住在一起-YouknowI-Ijust-IcantimaginelivingwithtwoEdwards.那就像跟两个艾德华住在一起一样Thatslikelivingwith...twoEdwards.我有好多疑问Ihavesomanyquestions.例如谁会抛下自己的生活Likewhouprootstheirentirelifeforaguy搬去和只认识儿个月的男人住thatsshersonlyknownforlikeafewmonths.谁会这么做Whowoulddothat菲利浦拜托不是那是为了爱我们现在在讲艾德华PhillipComeon.No.Thatwasforlove.ThisisforEdward.葵克莉要在她的酒吧举办竞猜之夜HeyCricketisthrowingatrivianightatherwinebar...你应该来因为赢的人能免费试喝红酒soyoushouldcomebecausethewinnergetsafreewinetasting.不行马上把这张撕下来Nonoyouhavetotakethatdownrightnow如果被莱克希看到她会想要参加becauseifLexiseesthisshesgonnawanttoplay...她的胜负欲会爆发...andthenhercompetitivestreakwillcomeout.之前在同一个防疫社交圈Whenwepoddedtogether游戏之夜的下场都很惨因为她输不起gamenightsweretheabsoluteworstbecauseshehatestolose.我就在你身后对吧ImrightbehindyouarentI嗨嗨Hi.Hi.我们只是在闲聊茶水间有的东西Werejustsittingheretalkingaboutbreakroomstuffwithuhthisone.例如奶油乳酪Likecreamcheese.•超浓厚-她超爰Itislikesothick.-Shesafiend.我看到竞猜之夜传hearts;单hearts;了吗算我一份感觉很好玩-DoIseealittletrivianightflyerBecausecountmein.Thatsoundsfun.珊姆想当队友吗Samyouwanttobeteammates・珊姆是我的-好很好IcallSam!Okaygreat.随便你我要闪人了Youdothat.Imgonnagosomewhereelse.珊姆-OhSam.-不行•珊姆-No.-Saaam.不我们说过不能再玩游戏了-No.Wesaidnomoregamenightsokay我和基斯还在我家树丛找拼字游戏的字母KeithandIarestillfindingScrabbletilesinmybushes我很肯定还有一个V卡在我们家马桶里andImprettysurethere*saHVstillcloggingourtoilet.那时是疫情我们都情绪不稳会很好玩的Thatwasthepandemic.Wewereallonedge.-Thisllbefun.-什么很好玩-葵克莉酒吧的竞猜之夜-What11!befunTrivianightatCrickets.的确很好玩我应该当队长吗不你说得对应该让莱克希当Oohyeahthatdoessoundfun.ShouldIbeleaderNoyoureright.ThatsLexi.听着你常常告诉我要做一般人会做的事LookyourealwaystellingmeIneedtodomoreregularpeoplethings例如「不要戴开车手套」或「直接从铝罐喝饮料」likenotwearingdrivinggloves11ordrinkingfromacan.我爱你但我很抱歉IloveyoubutImsorry.我的洛商师说我要建立有益健康的界线MytherapistsaidIhavetoestablishhealthyboundaries所以我要拒绝你andsotheanswerisno.我就当你也许会去罗小珊珊ImgonnatakethatasamaybeSam-Sam.你的讣闻会和你本人一样赞Yourobituaryisgonnabeasfabulousasyouare.三任前夫一个妻子你还有时间和奥斯蒙乐团去巡演Threeex-husbandsahonewifeandyoustillhadtimetotourwiththeOsmonds我好期待有人说出我完整的人生Imjustsoexcitedtohavemyentirestorytold.你惊呼的原因和我一样吗AreyougaspingatwhatImgaspingat女友来了准备好看她华丽登场-Thegirlfriendisherereadyforherdramaticentrance.嗨你一定就是奈儿我是夏洛特真高兴终于见到你了Hi.YoumustbeNell.TmCharlotte.Tmsoexcitedtofinallymeetyou.对我也很高兴见到你Yeahyeah.Tmexcitedtofinallymeetyoutoo.她看起来人很好但谁知道暗藏了什么秘密Shelookssweetbutwhoknowswhatsgoingonunderthesurface.问她那个鼻子是不是真的Askherifthafsherrealnose.跟我说说你自己吧Solikejustliketellmeeverythingaboutyourself.你有特定摆放香料的方式吗Imeanistherelikeaspecificwayyouliketoorganizeyourspices还是你偏好的挤牙膏方式orhowyoulikeyourtoothpastesqueezed.没有我很普通对NoIamveryaverage.Yeah.我喜欢和艾德华一起去海滩和健行我也喜欢烘焙我刚做了这些I-IlovethebeachandhikingwithEdwardand—ohIlovebaking.Ijustmadethese.这是艾德华最爰的巧克力脆片煎锅饼乾加了一点肉桂粉TheyreEdwardsfavoritechocolatechipskilletcookieswithahintofcinnamon还撒了一些大hearts;麻hearts;andasprinkleofdoobie.菜单出自他的海伦阿姨但不包含大hearts;麻hearts;IgottherecipefromhisAuntHelen.-Notthedoobiepart.好-Ohright.你看…我…看起来你费了好一番功夫Is...uh...I-whew.Iseethatyoureallyputtheworkin.我想我们应该清理乾净以免艾德华回来…IthinkthatmaybeweshouldcleansomeofthisupbeforeEdwardgets--嗨帅哥-嗨美女Heyhandsome.-Heygorgeous.天啊OhmyGod.我知道Iknow.他要暴走了Herecomethefireworks!你做了我最爱的饼干Youmademyfavoritecookies.什么What真的很棒Theseareincredible.奈儿你一定要吃吃看Nellyougottatrythese.好这...真的很棒Yeah.That-Thatisumprettyincredible.不好意思你怎么把脚趾露出来Imsorrywhatarethosetoes夏洛特买hearts;hearts;了这双很好看的凉鞋给我Charlottegottheseawesomemandalsforme.■但你讨厌脚趾•我讨厌你的脚趾-Butyouhatetoes.-1hateyourtoes.小艾不要那么坏Eddiebenice.你说得对宝贝Yourerightbaby.奈儿我觉得你的脚趾很美NellIthinkyourtoesarefantastic.谢谢你小艾ThankyouEddie.-我们出门吧■好-Letsgetoutofhere.-Okay.他好像变了一个人Heslikeatotallydifferentperson.就像你的室友被邪恶的双胞胎兄弟掉包了Ifslikeyourroommatesbeentakenoverbyaneviltwin.我们来验证一下小艾Letsputthattheorytothetest.HeyEddie我要拿一个饼乾Imgonnagraboneofthesecookies但我没有餐巾纸饼乾屑可能掉满地butehIdonthaveanapkinsocrumbsmightgoeverywhere.你开心就好Doyourthinggirl.不管他是谁希望他留下来WhoeverheisIhopehestays.好喔…好喔Cool.Coolcool.不我死了Nope.Imdead.（布鲁克摩公hearts;寓hearts;）太棒了你以前都不想跟我一起看《储物狂》Thisisawesome.YouknowyouneverwanttowatchExtremePackratwithme.开什么玩笑我超爱大家把自己的尿液留在玻璃罐里AreyoukiddingIlovewhenpeoplekeeptheirurineinjars.说到这个我得去用玻璃罐了MmspeakingofIhavetousethelittlegirfsjar.可以帮我暂停吗Canyoupauseitforme好我可以关掉我猜得到结局YeahIcanturnitoff.Icanguesshowthisends.她整顿好自己的人生然后去参加她女儿的婚礼Shegetsherlifetogetherandgoestoherdaughterswedding.原来他在这里啊Thereheis.不不准…拿开…住手我想要吃那些屑屑No.Dontyou-No!Get-No!Stopit!Iwantedtoeatthosecrumbs!我喜欢夏洛特她很善良聪明又体贴IlikeCharlotte.Sheskindandshessmartandshesthoughtful.她常常做我最爰的饼干给我吃Shesalwaysmakingmyfavoritecookies.我完全认同夏洛特超棒Itotallyagree.Charlotteisgreat.还有更迫切的问题Therearesomeotherpressingissues.她把铸铁煎锅泡在水里Shessoakingthecast-ironskilletsinthewater.我从这里就听得到锅子氧化的声音Icanhearthemoxidizingfromhere.你为什么不直接告诉她这没什么大不了SowhydontyoujusttellherItsnotthatbigadeal.你说得对你可以说吗-Youreright.-Willyoudoit叫她清洗锅子一定要用杯垫Justtellherhowtocleanthepansandtoalwaysusecoasters刷牙的时候把水关掉andtoturnoffthewaterwhenshesbrushingherteeth.你要我变成你吗Youwantmetobetheyou对变成我吧Yes.Betheme.我不希望我的个性会吓跑她Idon*twanttoscareheroffwithallmy-这些要求很合理我希望我们能走下去ImeantheyretotallyreasonablerequestsbutIwantthistowork.奈儿Nell.好吧我就变成你Fine.Yeah.Tilbetheyou.但如果夏洛特搬进来我要把房hearts;租分成三份而不是两份ButifCharlottemovesinIwantrentsplitthreewaysnottwo.好Fine.我想要多少冰块都能随意拿AndIgettohaveasmanyicecubesasIwant早上可以哼歌hearts;还能在客厅擦脚趾指甲油huminthemorningandpaintmytoenailsinthelivingroom.可以擦指甲油不能磨脚皮Youcanpaintbutnopumicing.这我无法保证Icantpumiceyouanything.有空吗Gotaminute当然有怎么了Yeahsure.What*sup我只是想再讨论一下竞猜之夜Ijustwantedtocirclebackonthewholetrivianightthing因为这是我们的团服because...thiscouldbeus欢乐咖TheFunBunch!莱克希我说了不要我已经・・・LexiIsaidno.Ihave—触感好柔软Ohitsactuallyverysoft.是普拉达的-ItsPrada.-听我说…-但不行不我说真的我不要Look--Butnono.IsaidnoandImeanno.听着我想过了你说得没错玩游戏会激发我最恶劣的一面ListenIthoughtaboutitandyoureright.Gamesbringouttheworstinme.-我知道-但你不知道原因-YeahIknowthat.-Butyoudontknowwhy.我还小的时候我父母凡事都让我们竞争WhenIwasachildmyparentsmadeeverythingacontest.有一次他们用《大富翁》Literally.OnetimetheyusedagameofMonopoly来决定要送哪个小孩去寄宿学校todeterminewhichoftheirchildrenwouldbesenttoaboardingschool.波堤克大道的一座饭店让我破产ItwasahotelonBalticAvenuethatbankruptme最终我输了andultimatelylostmethegame之后我被送去了andconsequentlysentmeto贞洁班布里治大小姐训诫学校theChastityBainbridgeDisciplinarySchoolforOverprivilegedGirls.现在我理解你为什么这么讨厌输了NowIunderstandwhyyoustrugglesomuchwithlosing.对但我…我想要改变YesbutuhIwanttochange.我希望自己能和朋友出去放松玩乐Iwanttobeabletogooutandhaveacasualnightwithmyfriends珊姆我真的觉得有你的帮忙我一定能克服andSamIjustfeellikewithyourhelpIcanachievethat.好吧我们能参加竞猜之夜Okayfine.Wecanplaytriviatonight.但你一情绪失控我们就要离开。