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Unit14PersonalstatementPurposeofapersonalstatementThegoalofapersonalstatementistotellthereadersomethingmeaningfulaboutyourlifeandtoconnectthistothequalificationyouareapplyingfor.Answersmayvaryfrompersontoperson.Youmaywanttoincludepersonalanecdotesaboutaproblemyouhaveovercomeorsomethingyouareproudabout.ContentofapersonalstatementAnswersmayvarydependingonhowyouwouldliketodevelopyourstories.StructureofapersonalstatementThewholeessaydevelopsanargumentforthewritersqualificationsforstudyinglawintheUniversityofToronto.Usingastoryofsearchingforacallingtheessayopensimpressivelyandalsoclearlystatesthethesisattheendoftheintroduction.Centeringaroundskillsandpassionsandthequalificationsalawprofessionalshouldhavethebodyparagraphsexplainhowpastexperienceshelpthewriterdevelopqualificationsrequiredoflawprofessionalsandhowstudyinglawinthisuniversitywillhelpthewritertoachievehiscareergoal.IntroductionPara.1:Astoryofsearchingforacallingwhichboilsdowntoonetheme:zzllearnedthatIhaveasetofskillsandpassionsthatmakeacareerinlawtherightchoiceforme/7ThesisstatementBodyPara.2-7:PastexperiencesandfuturegoalsPara.2-5:PreparedforstudyinglawPara.2:Abstractthoughtandconcernforsolvingreal-lifeproblemsPara.3:MultipleperspectivesanddebatingskillsPara.4:LoveoflearningPara.5:WillingnesstodogoodtoothersPara.6-7:FutureacademicandcareergoalsPara.6:WhychoosetostudylawPara.7:DeterminationtomakepositivechangethroughstudyinglawConclusionPara.8:WhytheUniversityofTorontoisthebestchoicetoachievethegoalWritingastrongopeningparagraphIngeneralthesecondparagraphhasafirstlinethatismoreattention-grabbingandamoreuniquestory.Itisalsomorepersonal.Inthefirstparagraphthe“hookisthewritersgoalofbecomingadoctor.Inthesecondparagraphthe“hookisthewriterspersonalexperiencewithalifethreateningsituationthatinspiredtheirdesiretobeadoctor.Thefirstparagraphsuggeststhewriterisfocused.Thesecondparagraphsuggeststhewriterispassionateanddetermined.WritinginagoodstyleGroup1meanstodemonstrateahistoryofinquisitivenessandcuriosity.Group2aimstoexplainthewriterspoorgradesthatshowupelsewhereintheapplication.Answersmayvary.ButgenerallyBinGroup1isthemostpersonalandspecificwhileinGroup2Aisthemostpersonalandspecific.Answerswillvary.Ingeneraltellinganinterestingstorywithdetailsisthebestadvice.SoinGroup1buildingfromsentenceBintoamoredetailedexplanationofthatcuriosityisgoodadvice.InGroup2usingthedetailsinasentencelikeAtomoveontoaconfidentexplanationofskillsisgoodadvice.EvaluatingapersonalstatementThereisaclearpurposebutitisnotexpressedclearly.Thehookisnotsufficienttodrawthereaderin.Thereareelementsofacompellingstorybutitlackslogicalflow.Thereshouldbeaclearelementintheopeningparagraphtosetoutthestructure.Theopeningistoogeneric.Morespecificdetailisneeded.Mostlythewriteravoidsrepetitionandwordiness.Organizationisthemajorissuewiththispersonalstatement.DetailsTherearespecificdetailsalthoughitwouldbebettertofocusonfewdetailsandexpandonthem.ConclusionTheconclusionwrapsupdifferentideasfromthebody.Butthemainideahasneverbeenmadeclear.Theconclusionsuffersfromapooropeningparagraph.Furtherimprovements:Clearlyexpressthepurposeofwritingintheopeningparagraph.Openthewritingwithspecificdetailstoimpressthereviewers.Betterorganizethenarrativee.g.setoutthestructureintheopeningparagraphandusesignalphrasesorsentencestohighlightthefocusoftheparagraphsandtoensureasmoothflowofideas.Deletealldetailsirrelevantorweaklyrelatedtothemainidea.Insteadfocusonfewdetailsthatcanshowyouruniquenessandexpandonthem.Restatethemainideaeffectivelyintheconclusion.SamplerevisionIamwritingtodaytoexplainwhyIwillbeanexcellentcandidateforanM.A.inHistoryfromMarylandStateCollege.MyinterestinthisprogramwassparkedduringhighschoolwhenIstudiedmedievalhistory.ThisclassignitedinmealifelongloveofallthingshistoricalandcontinuedintomyundergraduatedegreewhereIstudiedHistoryandPhilosophy.IfeelextremelyprivilegedtohavetheopportunitytoapplytoMSCasitissuchanupandcominguniversityandIhaveovercomealotofhardshiptogettothispointinmylife.IamparticularlyinterestedintheclassofferedbyProfessorThompsonwhichcentersonmedievalsocietyandculture.Despiteitbeinganumberofyearssincehighschoolmyinterestinmedievalhistoryhasnotwaned.DuringmyundergraduatedegreeattheUniversityofLancasterItookamoduleonmedievalclothingwhichinspiredmyfinalyearresearchprojectonfashiontrendsinthe15thcentury.Iwouldthoroughlyliketocontinueonthisresearchpathduringmypostgraduatecareer.IalsofeelthattheexperienceIhadduringmyinternshipatNorthwestArcheologywillbeofgreatbenefittothecommunityoflearningatMSC.DuringthisinternshipIspenttimeworkingwiththecuratorofthemuseumatCarlisleCastleandgainedpracticalexperienceinthecurationofvaluableartifacts.ThiswillbeaparticularhelptomeincompletingtheinternshipportionoftheM.A.asIenvisionmypriorexperiencewillenablemetolandarolewhichisbothenrichingandstimulating.AsImentionedintheintroductionIhavesufferedsomehardshiptogettothispoint.Betweenmyfirstandsecondyearofuniversitymyfamilyfellintoadifficultfinancialsituation.ThispositionrequiredmetotakeonanextrajobwhichmeantIwasworkingalmostfull-timehoursinadditiontostudying.ManagementinthisjobdidnotunderstandmystudyandeventhreatenedtofiremeifIdidntcomeinforanextrashiftthatconflictedwithmyclass.Thefamilysfinancialsituationeventuallyledtoevictionwhichunfortunatelycoincidedwithfinalsweekandstrugglestoaffordtextbooks.HoweverasthefirstpersoninmyfamilytoeverattenduniversityIfeltitwasmydutytopersevereandkeepgoing.Mymotivationcamefromadeepdesiretolearnandgrow.Manyofmyquestionswereaboutthepastandhowtheywouldimpactourfuture.Ispentmyundergraduateyearsstudyinghistoricalfiguresthatmadeadifferencedespitecomingfromchallengingbackgroundsthemselves.ThesefigureswouldformthebasisformyworldviewanditistheirlivesandimpactthatIhopetocontinuetofollowasanM.A.student.AllofthathardworkwouldpayoffwhenIgraduatedwithhonorswithmyB.A.HoweverIknewIwasntdonelearning.NowIamturningmyattentiontograduateschoolandIbringwithmethatsamededicationcommitmentandpassionthathelpedmeovercomealltheobstaclesthatstoodinmyway.IthoroughlyhopeyouwillgivemetheopportunitytodemonstratethisatMSC.。
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